Esprix

The BBQ Pit
241

Thats it…Me and toshirodragon, and zoogirl will still be here…even if the rest of you fairweather fans desert us…Esprix wont let us down…I just know it…

242

Driving home from work, clouds and steetlights moving quickly…::
la la dum dum dum

::singing along quietly to samba on radio, notices sign up ahead; “BBQ Pit, Exit 320”::

Hmmmmmm

::Brow furrows::

::Looks off to left, notices bonfire and large crowd. The smell of porta-poties and some fried confectionry wafts by::

What the…

::More brow furrowing::

Hmm

::Shrugs. Pulls over to shoulder, parks. Opens car door, walks to the back of the large Buick. Opens trunk. Ponders. Takes out a forty of old-e and a bottle of scotch. Slips a straight razor in pocket of vest. Lossens tie. Looking at the crowd again, turns to trunk, grabs welders mask and inflateable rubber duck. Closes trunk, turns, and walks toward the clearing, the chanting growing louder…::

243

Rubber Ducky You’re the one!
You make bathtime lots of fun…
Jeez did I just date myself or what?

244

I used to date myself…then I found a partner.

245

I hope duhlovindj is still around like the rest of you, as I will be posting by the end of the day today.

Esprix

246

A partner? Someone to drink all the soda, eat all the cookies, leave piles of stinky things in the bathroom and crumbs in the milk (didnt want to dirty a glass honey)I think I will just stick to dating myself… least I answer when I talk to myself :smiley:

247

Actually, I lied - I’m posting right now…

Esprix

248

I know most of you have fallen asleep by now, but I gotta ask…

Are you ready to ROCK?!?!

{ahem} Yes, thank you.

Now I realize it’s been a few days since dalovindj decided to take a swipe at me, and in the meantime he’s dug himself into so many holes he’s starting to look like a mouse lost in a Swiss cheese factory, but some things cannot go unanswered. I mean, really - what is it with these kids today? Since I finally got a little lull a lull at work, I’ll take a stab at it - is that ok with everyone?

{audience “woots”}

I knew you would.

I first noticed duh (as in duhlovindj) way back when in this thread, when he regaled us with his “l33t 5p33|<” of the Brooklyn set, in response to an OP about rap music:

This was my introduction to the hep cat that is duh. I was, to say the least, underwhelmed. (It wasn’t until a little while later when I started hearing him as Disco Stu from “The Simpsons.” Comparisons to “two wild and crazy guys,” Vinny Barbarino from “Welcome Back, Kotter,” Herbert Kornfeld from The Onion [kudos to Smeghead for that one] and such are also perfectly valid, of course.)

Where do I start? Never mind that he defends hip-hop, scratching and record spinning as high art (they’re talent, but let’s not sugar-coat it). Never mind he proudly says, “That’s so gay,” despite sounding like a second-grader and knowing it offends a lot of people on this board (he finally says he’s going to relent because it’s “more trouble than it’s worth”). Never mind his claims of being a banker and pulling in almost $100K a year (temping seems to be working better for him than for me). Let’s just concentrate on how much of a fucking idiot he sounds like on the Straight Dope.

I offer up a few choice quotes from various threads as prelude:

And one of my favorites, as he includes a Babelfish translation:

And we are advised thusly:

You’re right - different does not mean bad. Bad means bad. And you’re bad. (In a bad way.)

Zanshin tried to explain things:

And Jack Batty tried as well:

[quote]
[ul][li]Hip hop lingo goes down great guns with a hip-hop crowd. SDMB is not a hip-hop crowd. You want to keep it up, feel free, but don’t be surprised when a majority of people have no idea what your “rappin’” about.[/li][li]Nobody gives a shit about how much money you make or what kind of car you drive.[/li][li]Spinning records and being a musician are vastly different. Yes they both take skill and talent but they aren’t even remotely the same thing.[/li][li]The word “Gay” is a touchy term. You willl piss some people off by using it as an insult… - deal with it, if you insist on using it that way…[/ul][/li][/quote]

I asked it in the hip-hop thread, and I’ll ask it here - Isn’t the necessity of providing a translation then contrary to the media in which we are communicating, i.e., the written word? (I never got an answer to that one.)

But you know what? It’s all good. Sure, my first run-in with you was an underwhelming yawn tainted negatively with your lack of respect for anyone outside Compton, but I can live with that. andros even tried to set me wise that it was all just a ruse, a game, all funnin’ and such. OK, I can deal with that. So it passes, although duh was left feeling a bit “oppressed by the Man.” He sticks around. He lays low on the “gangsta” persona, and starts posting intelligible threads in a couple different forums. Shows he’s not a complete moron. Great. Wonderful. He falls off the radar.

Then he decides not only is he the “DJ of love,” but he’s also the king of hip, particularly in the area of alcohol in the Midori thread:

Why, oh why did you have to start up again? Wasn’t the thrashing in the first thread enough? First it was your heroic lone stand for hip-hop and “turntablists” - justified, maybe, even amusing and interesting for a time, but your it all wore thin pretty quickly. But now you’re going to define hip for us? More so, define hip by what you drink and how you get drunk? Fortunately, I’m glad to see your definition of “the art of drinking” ended up in hot dispute as, indeed, it would seem you’re not an artist at all, but a pale phantom of your own watered-down version of a “hip” drinker. So maybe if you hadn’t come off as such a sanctimonious ass about it in that thread I wouldn’t have started my Pit thread.

But wait! According to thinksnow, I was, once again, whooshed. And, by the looks of things, I wasn’t the only one. So is hip defined as those people who get your sarcasm 100% of the time? ‘Cause twice now I’ve missed it - first with your gangsta-rappin’ smooth talk, then with your authority on All Things Hip. Let me tell you something, Smack Daddy - you’re losing your audience. As a would-be actor, this is a skill you need to hone a bit better. So when I asked if your original post was meant to be a joke, you replied:

For someone who was “just kiddin’,” man, you do sure seem to claim to know what’s hip and what’s not, and don’t mind defining and defending it to the end. As you said, not caring about whether or not you’re hip is hip, but you seem to care quite a bit about it, so you ain’t hip, pal. But still, he claims it was all in jest. His reasoning for us not getting that? “The first rule of Improv is never deny.” Um, pardon me, but what the fuck are you talking about? This isn’t improv, jackass - it’s a computer message board. Learn to cope in the medium in which you are participating.

But even all that aside, if you’d left it there, that would have been it. Really. I would have admitted the whoosh and closed the thread. Ah, but no - you had to add this:

So it’s not enough that your sarcasm skills outwitted me, no - let’s tack on a few more gratuitous insults for good measure. So, yeah, I was whooshed, but, yeah, you’re still a jerk, and I said so. Ah, but then you took offense at my apology for being whooshed coupled with my assertion that I did, indeed, still think you were a jerk. Perhaps this better explains my position? It’s not that I think you’re a jerk for whooshing me (which, in light of your impassioned and defensive responses since, seems to be in doubt), but rather I’ve just found your general jerkishness in evidence since my first encounter with you.

And let’s not forget this gem:

That’s good. Real charming. Parle your jerkiness to another (although not surprising) level of ad hominem to attack my sexual orientation. What, exactly did that have to do with the discussion at hand? Nothing. But you brought it up anyway, including calling me a “bitch.” I’m underwhelmed - again.

edwino said it best about that thread:

But wait! The King of All Things Hip isn’t even close to being finished! First, it’s music; then, it’s alcohol; then, he gives us the wisdom of his Designation of Required Pop Culture References. I think the beating you got there, and in several other threads, speaks even more volumes of how you are perceived on this board. I dunno, but I walked away from that thread thinking, who’s “all down on people” now? Who’s the “hater” now?

So when it’s all said and done, what’s the bottom line? Guinistasia probably called it closest - you’re a “gimmick” poster. It’s your shtick. And it is quite thoroughly dead. Coming from me, the original One Trick Pony[sup]TM[/sup], that’s saying something. So let me give you a few pointers to help you through these turbulent times:

[ul][li]Instead of stating things in the absolute (“Drinking Midori ain’t hip”), try personalizing them so we can properly dismiss them as your opinion (“I think drinking Midori ain’t hip.”) Instead of just conversing, you’re defining things for the rest of us, and as someone who is “all about the love,” surely you can understand that that ain’t hip.[/li]
[li]You’re “whooshing” more and more people with your schtick. It was amusing - at first. We all recognize you’re a Funkese master, and that was funny - at first. Now it’s as tired as MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice and Milli Vanilli. You’re making yourself out to be a jackass.[/li]
[li]We all know you can write intelligibly, even understandably. You’ve started some interesting threads. So why continue this jackassedness? Why this pathetic cry for attention? Honey, if your wee-wee’s that small, there are surgical techniques that can do wonders. Might I recommend the Tug-Ahoy?[/li]
[li]Try writing in English for a while. For God’s sake, you’ve started your own dictionary thread to explain what the hell you’re talking about. Wordplay is fun and such, but if nobody understands you to the point of requiring a dictionary, you are a waste of ones and zeroes on the internet.[/li]
[li]Work on your writing skills, as your ability to translate sarcasm in this medium is woefully inadequate. As someone said, if the comic tells a joke and no one laughs, is it the audience’s fault? Learn to read your audience a little better, pinhead - people laughed at your first set, but you’re bombing now. Quit taking comic lessons from The Unknown Comic, Pauly Shore and R. J. “Ray” Johnson.[/ul][/li]
You want to defend hip-hop and rap and “wicky wicky” music? Fine, be my guest. Want to breathe new life into Ebonics? Go for it. But don’t stand there shocked and appalled when you get called on it, and don’t blow off people as “haters” when it’s the majority of people reading what you write. This is an internet message board, set up specifically for discussion and debate. If you want validation, go hang out in your crib with your homies - you won’t be getting it here. If you come across as an idiot you will be treated as such. Remember the medium in which you are participating - it’s not a club, it’s not an improv theatre, it’s not a basketball court, it’s a medium consisting of the written English language.

You are smart. You are quick. You are clever. You are also no longer amusing. And until you realize that, you will continually strive for cool, hip, dope and playa status, but you will achieve none of these. At best, you are poseur (not “poser,” you moronic plebian, o “musician” who does not even fucking know who Mahler is).

I’ve said it. Fenris said it in his thread. It’s not that you’re not smart. It’s just that the whole schtick is tired. The gimmick is overdone. You sound like an idiot. And for fuck’s sake, stop telling people what is and isn’t cool and/or hip. You say you’re just “ball-busting” to try and generate conversation, but the fact of the matter is you come off as Smoove B complainin’ about “the Man” puttin’ you down.

Give it a long, long, well-deserved rest.

Dig?

Esprix

249

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Go Esprix Go Esprix!!! YAY!!!
Ow! I am too old for this jumping around stuff… here have a tomato…
SPLAT datomatodj

250

I certainly hope he doesn’t believe this. I’ve been active on Internet forums for a very, very long time. Everything from newsgroups and bbs to slashdot and the SDMB. I rarely see a community as active as this one. I’ve started using the “view new posts” feature and there are hundreds of new posts in just a couple of hours. Not quite as active as slashdot, but they have over 400,000 registered users and the SDMB has just cracked 17,000. So the posts per capita is probably much higher. The last thing that needs to happen is for someone to try to start a lot of meaningless conversations just for the sake of hearing themselves talk and others talk about them. The signal/noise ratio of a board is it’s lifeblood. So far the SDMB seems very healthy, it doesn’t need any help from DJ or anyone else.

I have only posted one thread in the short time I have been here and gotten in very late on most of the others, but I have, as yet, seen no need to post my own topics because, quite frankly, this is a very diverse and vocal board. If you can’t find someone discussing what you would like to talk about or discussing something you would find interesting, odds are you’re not looking very hard.

Steven

251

Applause

Michael jumps up, overenthusiastic and probably somewhat intoxicated

Yay Esprix! Yah-hoo! Stick it to…[sub]…them. OK, I’m going away now.[/sub]

Michael slinks out of sight in embarrasment.

252

Don’t you have WORK to do or something?

:wink:

-JOhn.

253

Brilliant. Only one thing left to add.

A :::::::::::standing ovation::::::::::::::

254

You’ll notice that I qualified that as a one time thing. I, and I would venture, many others, didn’t feel that the singular “hip” thing that you appeared to be ranting about was worth a pit thread and was, in fact, a “whoosh.” It would seem that things have progressed beyond that, though, so, without having read a bit of this thread save the part with my name, I’ll take my leave and bid you goodnight.

255

Wonderful! Esprix Darling, you were fabulous! Listen, babe, I am up here in Hollywood, and you know, we have just the part for you in this flick we are doing. Sure, its small, but pivotal. Great starter role. Sell out to me, and the sky’s the limit. Just kidding. But do you hear the kerching kerching? I sure do!

Ciao!
Jeeves

256

Esprix, that was magnificent.

Can I have this for a sig ?

  • NM
257

thinksnow, no worries. I understood your point at the time. :slight_smile:

Jeeves, babe, let’s have lunch!

NothingMan, you may have whatever you like. I’m no “hater.” :wink:

Um, 4,812?

Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week…

Esprix

258

YOWZA! I smell a marketing angle.

Get your genuine “Flaming Esprix” t-shirts Here! Wear it as a new, hip fashion statement! Enjoy the blatant innuendo! Give me a %500 profit!

Awesome, man. Awesome.

259

You know, I’m thinking ol’ AM/PM glanced at a couple responses on the first page and didn’t bother to read my response to him, thinking it was all just silliness. That response was just… well… weak.

Esprix

260

Wha!!!..You mean he didn’t kick our asses?..Cool…