It says here on this bag of pistachios…
Our Guarantee
Everybody’s Nuts are 100% open. Should you find a closed nut in this package, do not attempt to negotiate with it. Send it in, and you’ll receive a FREE bag.
I think I already see at least two closed nuts 
Yeah, they’ll send you a free BAG. Didn’t say it’ll have anything in it though. :dubious:
I don’t think I want to live in a world where everybody’s nuts are open.
You can clearly see their nuts.
Could they tell if you took a couple closed nuts from a different sack?
I would think most people would be able to recognize their own nuts.
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
What if you attempted to negotiate with it in spite of the package directions, because some of us negotiate with nuts fairly successfully on a regular basis? Does that void the warranty? What if you are a licensed nut negotiator? This promise is waaaay to abiguous.
Naturally that occurred to me (does that mean I’m devious, too?) but these are salt and pepper pistachios. All other pistachios in my career have been salt only.
I love their S&P pistachios! I haven’t ever read the packaging though and now I’ll be on the lookout for closed nuts.
And sometimes you don’t, dammit!