CurlCoat, I don’t know why I argue with you, given that you are insane.
But you’ve seen Jerry Springer, right? Ever seen those guys come on and brag about how many kids by how many women they have? Or have you ever travelled where there has been a war or occupation and seen A LOT of kids running around that look like the occupier?
Most humans have a strong internal drive to spread their genetic material. Many men like having kids, even if they don’t like caring for their kids. Sometime, some men will even tell their partner that they are interested in raising a child with them, when in reality their big plan is to cut and run as soon as the kid is out. Or, if you want to be a bit less cynical about it, many men like the idea of being a parent but when the kid is actually there and things get tough, they bail.
You are confusing the desire to spread their genetic material with the drive to have sex. Yes, in war zones or occupation zones there are A LOT of kids running around that look like the occupier. Rape is a method of subjugating enemy populations and in war zones or their immediate aftermath medical supplies such as birth control are harder to come by. It’s not a matter of people wanting to get pregnant rather it’s a case of being unable to avoid it.
No, I didn’t assume it, I asked about it. She said the guy was a jerk for a long time & never treated his family well, but the baby is very young. Those two together make it look like she had a baby with a guy she knew was a jerk and who didn’t want a kid.
Well, I’m answering you, probably because I have nothing to hide or be afraid of. And, if this wasn’t about a baby, you’d be bugging someone in another thread.
:rolleyes:
OK. So you two did discuss having children prior to your pregnancy? How long were you all married?
I understand that part. What I am not understanding is that you seem to think that because he signed a contract, he isn’t going to be a jerk.
I think it is relevant in that you (and most others) wish to force this guy to parent a child he doesn’t like. It’s apparent that you don’t understand how it feels to have children forced on you when you don’t like them at all, so lets focus on the child herself. Do you really think it’s a good idea for her to spend alone time frequently with someone who doesn’t care for her? Someone that everyone will be happy to tell her is supposed to love her? Just because you think he should man up and honor the visitation contract?
Uh, no - I have far more brains than to have ever seen Jerry Springer and I have never been in a war zone. But yes, I am aware that there are men that like to run about siring as many babies as possible, tho I really doubt it has much to do with “a strong internal drive to spread their genetic material” and more to do with “proving” their masculinity or something. And I imagine these guys have a great patter that they use on these poor helpless women who end up being forced to raise all their babies. But I also imagine that they are not absolute heart of gold guys in all other ways and the signs that they aren’t good father material are obvious. And, the biggest one, these guys don’t tend to marry the women who have their kids.
That could be it entirely, and now the OP seems to be saying it was. However, her original posts indicated that her ex was a jerk before she became pregnant and the facts seemed to agree with that. The baby is just over a year old, yet these two are already divorced and have visitation in place? If he only turned into a jerk after the birth, she didn’t give him more than, what?, 3-6 months to adjust? I would certainly not dump my husband that quickly, for a reason that might very well work itself out.
Can we carry this over to women too? I wanted to be a dad, my ex and I had two kids, she bolted when the youngest was 1.5. I see my kids as much as possible, but it’s hard to do everything myself. She also makes it hard by telling the kids I’ll bring them home, calls them and tells them how much she misses them and then tells me it’s my problem to deal with when they cry for her.
I have no idea who the OP is, but I’ve seen some real shit come from women too, it’s not just the guys who can be/are jerks. For all we know the ex could have told her he wanted the day to himself and asked for another day and she said no.
I realize you’re stupid, but I’ll try to be patient; I never said I expected him not to be a jerk. He’s OBVIOUSLY a jerk. His actions prove it. That’s the entire point of the OP.
You have sex, you assume the responsibility. End of story. It’s not the child’s fault. The guy’s failure to care for his child is his failure, and it makes him a complete asshole.
Is it a good idea for this to continue? Perhaps not… but that proves he’s a big asshole.
And if he doesn’t want to live up to the visitation deal, ALTER IT. Admit he doesn’t want to be a part of the child’s life and move on. He can at least send the child support payments.
No where did I see they had a signed visitation agreement. I see that she says it’s his normal day but that could be a verbal one. My ex and I had a verbal agreement I could see my children during the week. She yanked that. We also have a signed agreement saying that only me and her may pick up the children from school. Her new man picks up my children two or three times a week against my wishes.
The husband’s ‘day’ might be verbal only and he told her he wanted to do something else. The OP never said if he wanted a change or not. For all we know he wanted Saturday instead of Sunday and now she’s pissed.
Women play bullshit games too when they shouldn’t, but it seems a lot of people default to the guy being an asshole.
Yes, there is that too. Part of the reason that I asked my original questions is because it just seemed like this was all about how little the OP’s ex cares about his daughter, yet she is mad at him for not living up to his visitation. Just seems weird.
Well jackass, if you just want to be insulting, I’ll point out that is is, er, stupid to keep repeating something over and over that you know doesn’t apply and isn’t going to change.
Nope. No way. Sex is not just for procreation. You want to believe that, it’s your problem, but you cannot force it off on others. It also has zero to do with what I said, so your appearance of any sort of intelligence continues to drop.
Not if he didn’t want to reproduce. Childcare, particularly of the very young ones, is something that must be done by those who at least like children. Or the child at hand at a minimum. You are all focused on punishing this guy for daring to have sex - in wedlock! with his wife!! - and completely ignoring what is best for the kid. Then you have the gall to say it’s not the child’s fault.
We don’t even know what the visitation deal is. For all we know, the ex being required to take the baby on the day of is birthday was all in the OP’s mind. If it was a verbal agreement, he did alter it. If it was an agreement on paper, he may have tried to alter it, or it might be in the works.
Look, I realize that you cannot grok the idea that there are people out there, lots of them in fact, who don’t like children at all. If it is true that the OP’s ex has a history of showing no interest in his own baby, then there is an extremely large chance that he is one of those who don’t like kids. And you are all focused on him “manning up” and “being responsible” to the absolute detriment of the child. That is not very smart…
Sex is for fun. But in having it you accept, as a result, that you may create a child, and as an adult there are legal and ethical responsibilities that come with that. That’s simply the way it is. On the legal side, it is not a matter of opinion.
I’m not suggesting he be punished. Nobody is proposing he be sent to prison. I am saying he must meet his stated contractual responsibilities. That’s the way it works.
If he doesn’t like the visitation contract, he should change it. Why is that so hard to grasp?
That is not at all true. By having sex, I may become pregnant but that sucker isn’t going to be in me long enough to become a child because I don’t accept it. Of course, as a woman I have that option and men don’t. They may be entering into sex with all sorts of promises that there will be no pregnancy, or no resulting child, and they have to believe that or forgo sex. It’s got to be a rock and hard place situation.
Of course you are trying to punish him, the problem is you just have no idea what it is like to be stuck with a child you don’t like.
Did you miss all of the reasons in my last post why this might be an issue?
Or, as mentioned before, they can wrap it up, discuss birth control with their partners, and make a reasonable effort not to screw crazy people. If you were a male, do you really think there would be that much of a risk that you’d have unwanted children.
In any case, when two married people have inadequately protected sex, it’s called “trying for a baby.” It generally involves two consensual people who have a reasonable idea of what happens next.
It’s irrelevant. He voluntarily agreed to a visitation arrangement. It was his choice, a promise he made. I expect adults to keep their promises. If your word isn’t any good, you are no good.
I don’t understand why even a dumbass like you can’t grasp the fact that visitation is an option. What’s he being “stuck” with? Nothing. He could come clean and say “I don’t want to see the kid.”
As to your “Reasons,” they’re made-up and stupid. The long and short of it is he doesn’t HAVE to visit the child. He can call hsi ex and say “I’m done with this” if he doesn’t like the kid. Now, as a completely separate issue, I think any man that would do that is a filthy scumbag and I wouldn’t trust him with a nickel, but at least then he’s being honest about what he is and people will know not to trust him.
I in no way endorse using it as a means of birth control, but coitus interruptus is actually surprisingly effective if done every time the failure rate is only 4% per year. Again, I do not endorse it as a means of birth control; it is very irresponsible with the plethora of more effective means of birth control available, it doesn’t protect against STDs, and the typical yearly fail rate with imperfect use is 27%, but it is along with abstinence the oldest method of male birth control.
Which he did, and the OP, you and several others think he’s an asshole for doing. Can’t win, can he?
Really? It doesn’t occur to you that the divorce may not be final, or there is no official visitation agreement? Or does nothing occur to you that doesn’t fit in your narrow idea of “right”?
You really need to pick which side you want to be on. First you were all for forcing the guy to have the child visit, now you think he can just call up and say “I’m done with this”. Which he may have done, but of course you can’t get that.
Whatever, I’m done with you unless you can get off this sad loop you keep repeating.
No it’s not - it’s not even close to “trying for a baby”.
I’d quite seriously like to ask - have you ever been in the situation where you were “trying” or actually working hard to have a kid?
My partner and I took seven years to conceive our first - leaving it to happenstance.
After losing the second, it took 6 months of western medicine treatment, two rounds of IUI and then three months of TCM to achieve our second. THAT’S what you call “trying” for a baby.
Two people that happen to make a mistake or get carried away one night, make a rash judgement call are not trying for a baby.
I think the issue is that while it’s a sorry excuse for a parent who decides they don’t want to see their children at all, it’s several levels of assholishness worse if they cancel at the last minute thus raising said childs hopes and dashing them. As for the OP scenario doing so on your birthday is plus one additonal level of asshole as kids tend to get excited about birthdays and would likely have some hand made card to present.
Short answer - if you don’t want your kid on a particular day plan ahead, last minute cancellations are rude when it’s an adult and fucking assholish when it’s your kid.
And again, how do we know this was a last minute change? He could have asked for a change weeks in advance and the OPS just didn’t respond or said no. We have all of one person’s side of the story, sorry I’m not going to get all mad at some dude I don’t know with the little I know. I’ve seen enough from my ex who will not change the schedule for me, but gets pissed enough to take me to court for a change on her side. For all I know the OP is the exact same way.
Divorces fucking suck, I should know I’ve been there twice. They are ten times harder when there are kids involved. It’s even worse when one side decides to make the other side’s life hell. I was damn close to giving up my children because every time I turned around I was doing something wrong according her my ex. I spent enough to almost pay for college just to defend myself. Hell I’m going again today just to get more time with my children, something she says isn’t good for them, yet she lets her new boyfriend spend time with my children and thinks it’s a good idea.
So the OP isn’t going to get any sympathy from me just because she says he doesn’t want to take the kid for one day. I sure as hell hope she’s not bad mouthing the dad to the kid either otherwise one day the child is going to figure it out.