What?! I had just come to terms with fish piss in the water, and now you remind me about the fish semen. I may never drink water again!
In their defense, do they mean that sleeping pills may cause drowsiness even after you’ve taken them and gone to sleep? Like the next day?
If, by “consumer,” you mean several of my older female relatives, the vehicle piloted to the store might have been a broom!
:o Sadly, one of my aunts (a brilliantly smart lady, with no common sense,) has hurt herself badly in the past by ignoring the iron warning. She was already dressed, and her shirt collar was poking up a bit. Cue second-degree burns on the clavicle!
Well, the instructions are halfway complete. When I was learning to handle firearms, the other half of the disclaimer/warning/instructions were “Don’t shoot at the person unless you intend to kill.” Your mileage may vary, but I was instructed of that by more than one person during my formative years.
My favorite recent example: Those newish square gallon jugs of milk have instructions printed on the top. “Tilt and pour.” Instructions would be even more awesome if they were printed on the side or bottom of the jug. (Cue joke about pouring piss out of a boot with instructions printed on heel.)
Well, maybe those people will need the instructions.
I believe it means “sharp-dull” - the word moron thus implying a dull person.
Or the classic example from Shakespeare (who was fond of a well-turned oxymoron): “sweet sorrow.”
Hear, hear. The sickening debasement of this previously elegant term is deplorable.
Seen at the top of a ski lift (used by mountain bikers during summer) in Telluride, Colorado:
Seen years ago on the wrapper of a KitKat bar: “Place thumb here. Pull edge of wrapper back here.”
Who needs instructions to open a candy bar? Most people have figured it out by the age of two, and most kids under two will just gnaw through the wrapper anyway.
Does anyone have an actual cite for this one? While I can believe the hands part, the genitals sounds like an embellishment.
I don’t know if this counts or not, but I recently bought my 14 month old a pair of shoes from a children’s clothing store (not a toy store or a store selling doll clothing) that are sized to fit children under 18 months of age. Upon getting them home I discovered a warning label on them that said “Choking hazard: Small parts. Not intended for children under 36 months of age.”.
Hate to be the guy who ruins the joke, but this is understandable to me. Tubes of hemmorhoid cream (which typically just contain topical starch) come with mechanical plunger devices. Attach to the tube, fill… then insert rectally and depress plunger.
Anti-itch creams (which can contain steroids or antihistamines, both of which can be absorbed into the bloodstream if used rectally) have that warning so that hemmorhoid sufferers won’t reuse their plungers on the cheaper, but inappropriate, non-rectal creams.
For someone so allegedly concerned with the “purity” of language, you sure did get that one completely wrong.
Shot From Guns has heard that it’s made up, and following up on my original search, I agree. I couldn’t find an original source, just quotes of it, and despite some of the more ridiculous instructions here, I think this stretches credulity a bit too far. Someone was yanking my chain saw.
The other four are verified from http://www.wackywarnings.com/ and from a blog.
It’s from alist that’s been circulating around the Internet for years. Probably not true, but funny nonetheless.
The ones in car commercials always crack me up. Most recently, the one where guys in space suits are hot rodding around in their moon buggy, collecting rocks, only to discover that their tires were stolen. If you watch the screen while they’re jumping a canyon, you get this on the bottom:
“Professional driver. Do not attempt.”
Gee, thanks for that. I’ll try and remember that the next time I’m driving on the MOON.
On a cog brush (a tool used to clean the cluster of cogs on the rear wheel of a bicycle): “Not for oral use.” Really? Who would make that mistake? The thing is about a foot long, to start with.
Maybe for you. I wash twice because once isn’t enough.
Aren’t the propeller heads at Apple known fog sticking wacky things like that in random places?
There was also one that had a car “driving” underwater and the caption at the bottom said “Do not drive in the ocean.”
Exactly. I was thinking the same thing about car commercials.
And there’s the commercial with 50 snowboarders hanging off the landing gear of a helicopter while hovering over some mountain top. The caption reads: “Do Not Attempt” Oh, really? So, the next time I’m joyriding in my A-Star 350 with my 50 closest friends I better think twice about letting them all hang off the bottom? Huh. Ok, good to know.
The one I remember said:
Cut or tear open package and use.
There are lots of unnecessary instructions, but what struck me about this one is how utterly unhelpful it is. I mean, the instructions are supposed to tell you how to use a thing. So putting “use” in the instructions is kicking the can down the road, so to speak.
The fact that the satire was unintended does not take away from its brilliance.
Does the same company, by any chance, make suppositories?