Waltzes with Cacti is thick-skinned, a terrible dancer and leaks from multiple places when drinking fluids.
Siam Sam is a short cowboy from SE Asia. He has a big mustache and spends most of his time trying to stop a rabbit from stealing his green eggs and ham.
Walken After Midnight is a recovering alcoholic who frequents late night bars in order to test his abstinence. He fails every time & will soon make a spoof of it on Saturday Night Live.
Close, but for the SNL part. 
JoseB happens to be his actual name, but I always think “José be what? what are you, dude?”
It was actually meant to be Magnet Tout (I sell them on eBay). I’m just not very good at speling.
Glad to see it ain’t just me.
carnivorousplant is a frustrated actor who keeps auditioning for the part of Audrey II in any production of Little Shop of Horrors that he hears about. He makes ends meet by playing assorted potted plants in shopping malls all over the country. So the next time you go to the mall, think before you throw your trash in to a flower pot. He hates when people do that.
Gatopescado was being held captive behind a white picket fence in a little old lady’s front yard, until he escaped through the gate.
Starving Artist is a painter who specializes in portraits of his favorite movie star Ving Rhames.
Cal Meacham built a working interociter out of random parts and a catalog. During assembly, he accidentally broke a catherimine tube and had to have one fabricated locally. It worked.
Yes,yes - your a man with a set. I got a set too but I’m not bragging. Nod nod wink wink.
BubbaDog is a mangy cur that lives under the porch of his double-wide.
**tomndebb **is actually cojoined twins.
Fotheringay-Phipps is actually a distant cousin of the Queen who plays water polo in equestrian garb and rides a horse in the pool.
Annie-Xmas hasn’t taken off her elf hat since she was 13.
Trinopus has three faces that he spins around depending on his mood.
Elendil’s Heir has a sword orcs are trying to steal from him.
aceplace57 is a hardware store clerk who sings in a boy band cover band on weekends.
ivylass fights Batman on occasion.
iLemming is an app that jumps off cliffs.
HoneyBadgerDC is an Iraqi fugitive who relocated to DC because he killed the livestock.
Northern Piper runs a plumbing business on the good side of town.
Knowed Out is a nymphomaniac from biblical times who’s had enough for today.
Tokyobayer is a Japanese hound dog.
Wrong - Japanese Aspirin
But Maggie said he’s a fellow canine. Must you fight like cats and dogs?
Bumbershoot has a huge collection of drink umbrellas that he/she refers to as ma collection de parapluie.
EngineerCompGeek spends his days in the tech world, and his nights trying to earn free rooms and food in Vegas.