Condoms to give out at book signings? What kind of books does he write?
The kind of books where readers would be amused to be handed a condom with a signed book copy. Seriously, check him out.
I had to make a run to Wal-Mart awhile back to buy several large bottles of mineral oil and Vaseline once to restock our medicine cabinet in the barn. Boy oh boy, did a couple of people in line behind me give me a LOOK…
Or ammo.
At the local Walgreen’s with my mother in tow:
I have promised to show my mother how to wax her legs. This is not something girls of her generation did too much but she’s been wanting to try it for ages.
So we’re looking at the various types of hair removal products, and finally decide on two different ones. A hot wax kit, and a box of cold wax strips. Toss them in the cart, and suddenly spy the “feminine deodorant” section, and I’m not talking about underarms. I’m actually out of FDS so I grab a can of it. My mom say, “What’s that??” and decides that she will also get a can of it. Into the cart. Then my mom sees the powdered variety of the same, and says, oh look, they have the Lavender smelling one. I like that one. I’m rather fond of Lavender-scented things too and it’s super cheap, only $1.00 for a good sized container of it, so I decide to get one too. Into the cart.
The check-out kid (he looks about 16) can not talk. At all. The whole sale. His face is red. So are his ears.
1 box hot wax
1 box bikini wax
2 cans FDS (fresh powder scent!)
2 bottles of Shower-to-Shower (lavender scent!)
A mother & daughter. How weird can it get?
4 six-packs of soda,
and an onion.
I can just imagine the teller trying to figure out what those go into.
From The Simpsons:
Homer, trying to casually buy illegal fireworks: “Let me have one of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a bottle of Old Harper… a couple of those panty shields… and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.”
Later…
Marge, seeing Homer’s purchases: “I don’t know what you’ve got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out!”
Black shirt and pants
Duct tape
Rope
Box cutter
Flashlight
Batteries
Diet Coke
You might as well throw condoms in that list. Maybe a ski mask too.
And a box of quicklime. Or a bottle of pool acid.
I once ran into a male friend in Wal-Mart buying false eyelashes and a gallon of motor oil.
I would explain but imagination is better
When I was a cashier, a guy came through my line with only a cantalope and a home enema. All I could think was to wonder which one was the impulse buy.
There’s an instructables video out there for making real-looking prop intestines for movies. IIRC the shopping list went something like this:
2 5-lb bags all-purpose flour
14 boxes condoms
1 tube KY
1 bottle red food coloring
1 bottle green food coloring
1 roll Saran wrap
I’m not making a movie, but it’s tempting.
Half and half is a minimum of 10.5, and as high as 18% butterfat. it is extremely unusual for people to pour it on cereal.
Didn’t happen to me, but in a discussion of “things to have on hand when foaling season starts,” several people described the odd looks they got when buying the usual supplies:
- Several large tubes of K-Y jelly
- Bulk packages of Fleet enemas
- Rubber gloves
I love watching other people’s purchases at the grocery store and trying to decide the stories behind them. My favorites from over the years:
-The guy in a business suit and tie buying a gallon of milk and three boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. A sudden craving or something?
-Another guy buying an economy-size bottle of Tylenol, two gallons of milk, and nine watermelons.
-A middle-aged couple in matching sweatsuits buying this gourd-like thing (some kind of squash, I think), a bag of fried pork rinds, and a mylar balloon that said “Welcome Home.”
I was talking about this with a co-worker once, who told me that she and her husband still laugh about the young man they saw once buying just a romantic Valentine card and a jar of honey. Hmmm…
I once bought spearmint gum, mint-flavored and scented lubricant (it was new and I wanted to try it), and a bottle of mint tea. The cashier looked at me as if she wondered, “Why the theme?”
Back when I was an undergraduate biologist, I was screening mutant Pseudomonas strains for their ability to infect other organisms. We were pre-screening thousands of strains to identify potentially interesting ones, so we needed a fast, cheap assay. What we ended up with is injecting the strains into the spine of ordinary commercial Romaine lettuce leaves, and seeing how fast they turned black.
As the junior member of the group, it was my job to go to the grocery store next door and select 14-16 heads of healthy Romaine lettuce. Every single morning. Nothing else, or I couldn’t get reimbursed. I’m sure the cashiers wondered what the hell I was doing.
:dubious:
Love it!
Similarly, my friend asked me to get 4 bottles of Everclear (which was much cheaper near where I live) for use in the lab as a cheaper substitute for 100% alcohol. I think I said “Big night tonight!” when I paid.