After awarding three posters with the Flying Off The Handle award this week, I thought we could just all go crazy and vent our frustrations at things regardless of whether they were intended to be inflammatory.
The key is to respond to a one line statement in a F.O.T.H. manner, ending with a one line statement that will trigger the wrath of the next poster.
My statement:
Vanilla pudding is a cool, refreshing dessert.
It ABSOLUTELY IS NOT!!!
Vanilla pudding is an abomination against everything that is wholesome and good in this world! If I ever see another vanilla pudding, I’ll squeeze the damn thing into an enema bag and inject you with it!
I drive a large, gas guzzling 4x4 truck.
I also do not follow directions well. :rolleyes:
You’re damn right you don’t follow directions well. And anyone who ever says you DO is insane and should be shot on sight. In fact, I’ve long thought that you’re one of the most irreverant, ill-willed human beings i’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering.
Just a little advice hecubus,
An aquarium full of yellow tangs will always improve your mood.
: pointing finger into Manservant’s chest:
You never listen to directions! You cretin, are you hearing what I’m saying? Are your ears filled with wax! Geez, how many times do I have to repeat myself? :knocks on Man’s head with knuckles: Hello? McFly?
Cats are better than dogs.
Rats, jar, you beat me!
A yellow tang?! What the hell are you thinking? Only an unalloyed dim-witted ninnyhammer would ever suggest such a thing. Don’t you realize only commies have yellow tangs? For christ’s sake, some people don’t have any fetching-ups. Personally, I prefer the peuce.
And just what are you implying BunnyGirl? That I’m a violent person? That I BEAT people to pass the time? Why don’t you do a little research before you start throwing around accusations like that? Maybe i do beat people, maybe I don’t…but at least I’m not a liar and an idiot.
I think I’m going to have a glass of milk
Oh! So your one of those LACTOSE people huh!? Jeez, you people are just so condescending. You folks are just so intolerant, you lactose people…
You folks should expand your horizons. Maybe try beet juice.
Sure they are, if you like an animal that barfs on the rug, shits in the corners, shreds your expensive furniture, and knocks the dishs off the kitchen counter at 2 IN THE FELCHING MORNING!!!
OTOH, I can always chill out by going to the pistol range.
[sub]*Notice: really easy one above.[/sub]
Beet juice?!? Oh, so you’re saying I’m constipated, is that it? Listen buddy, I don’t know where you get off telling me I’m uptight, but you try realizing Heegaard splittings at 10:00 in the morning and see you see you regular that leaves you!!!
…or am I thinking of prune juice? Rats, now I’m confused.
I never could keep all those fruits and vegetables straight.
“Chill out”??? What kind of overused, trite, inane cliche is that for a grown man to be using?? Act your age, man!! I expect that kind of nonsense-speak from the kids, but you should be better versed in communicative arts!!! I swear, you’re doing it deliberately!!
I think it’s time for a manicure.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Bumbazine *
**
Chill out? Chill out!? Damn it! That’s what’s wrong with people today…they all want to “chill out”. Do you think life’s a freaking GAME? Do you think you have TIME to take it easy? Grow up…you disgust me!
Jeez…I need a beer now.
OK, Captain Allegedly Amazing, I don’t know where you get off simulposting and stomping all over my witty comebacks, but rest assured, I don’t take kindly to those who steal my thunder. This, sir, means war!!!
And somebody answer that damned phone!!!
What!? Damn all you people who can’t keep fruits and vegetables straight! What’s the matter with you?! Are you stupid or something?! You’re worthless and you’re going to hell! Hell, I tell you, hell!!
I like beans.
Fine. I’ll answer the Goddamn phone. I always answer the phone. Can’t you answer the bloody thing every once in a while? Is it up to ME to do EVERYTHING around this freakin’ thread? Oh, wait a minute… let me get you a cold drink… why don’t you sit down, take a load off, while I ANSWER THE HORSE-FELTCHING PHONE!!!
Not to mention, I have to go to the dentist later today.
Oh, the <sniff> dentist?! You have to go to the, <sob> the dentist? Well boo FUCKING hoo hoo, sister, because I couldn’t give a rabid monkey intestine where you had to go. I mean, Judas felching Cagney, where do you get off whining and complaining about your poor widdle visit to the DENTIST?! Maybe if you’d brush those ugly, nasty, neon-green, slowly rotting dentures of yours once in a millenium, you wouldn’t have to WORRY about going to the fucking dentist. Maybe if you’d show a bit of gratitude for the poor sap who has to sit in front of your fetid pie hole and clean the shit off your teeth, then you’d realize that he has to make living, too!
Jiminy Felch, child, do you think we bitched about the dentist back in NAM? Hell no! We had fucking Charlie to worry about, and you know what? He wasn’t there to CLEAN our teeth, he was there to make fucking NECKLACES out of our them! So there! Take your poor, bitchy moany, bad-dental hygiene promoting, squick-mongering self and get the Hell out of there. I hope the dentist wires your fucking jaw shut, so that you don’t bother the world with your crap anymore.
I’ve had a bit of a stressful day at work.
Oh you HAVE, have you? Stressful was it? And you think that gives you to come marching in here with your… your… goddamn legs and start demanding basic dental hygeine like some trumped-up washed-out minty-fresh-loving bastard? Hitler cleaned his teeth every day. What do you think of that, eh? I bet you haven’t even worked hard at all today anyway. You sat at your comfy desk, reading your newspaper. I was out slogging away trying to make a decent wage while you kiss your boss’s ass and sweet-talk the receptionist. Yes, that’s right - I know about the receptionist. Did you think I was stupid? Did you think I could miss you SMILING at her? And don’t try to tell me it was just a friendly smile - I saw it. Even if I wasn’t there at the time.
This window lock’s getting a bit loose.
OHHHHHH WELLLLLL I guess you’re just THAT much better than us Francesca, because YOU get a window and YOU have valuables that can’t possibly be stolen because the world would just STOP TURNING if your collection of penis shaped salt and pepper shakers were to disappear out the window. Give me a break and get over yourself.
This is why I’m moving to Germany
Moving? You’re moving? Well, I certainly hope you don’t expect me to haul your stuff from one apartment to another. God knows, I’ve done that enough; some stupid friend decides the grass is greener in another freaking housing project, and I’m the asshole with enough time on his hands to get the truck, and haul your worthless thrift-store furniture out of your godforsaken rathole, lug it across miles of rush hour traffic, and then haul it up eighty flights of stairs to your new, unimproved, indistinguishable-from-the-original rathole. Well, no more! I’m not moving-man to the whole feltching planet anymore. And Germany? How the hell do you think I’m gonna get the truck there? Forget it.
Besides, I can’t; I’m going to a pool party on Saturday.