Andy Rooney. Yes. Absolutely. Andy @!$#ing Rooney. I’ve never liked him, and I consider it an affront to all that is good and just in the universe that he has a job. I read one of his columns, which was about the Koran. He mentioned some things from the Koran which were easily understood. Then he mentioned some things from the Koran which were less easily understood. Then some things which were simply esoteric. His conclusion? We (Americans) still have a long way to go before we understand Islam. Notwithstanding the millions of Americans who already have a pretty good handle on Islam because they’re freaking muslims, what the hell kind of a thesis for a column is, “Religion isn’t all that straightforward?” Thanks for the tip, jackass.
Every column/TV segment I’ve ever seen him do may be distilled into the following sentence: “I’m an idiot without the mental acumen to successfully form a coherent thought, much less a relevant position. Isn’t that funny? Don’t you want to be stupid like me?” No. I want to light you on fire and toss you out a tenth-story window. Then, for the first time in your life, you’ll at least have some entertainment value. And if you can somehow manage, as your big finale, to land on Garrison Keillor, you’ll be downright spectacular.
Wow, Lux. That was beautiful and awe-inspiring. TRULY touching. I am impressed by your rage. Right on!!
As an update to my comment about Britney Spears, I was forced to watch her new album special on mtv by my friend Lisa (who may be demoted to acquaintance because of this). Seriously, I tried to study for my final, but the chance to ridicule was beckoning. She was wearing a piece of lingerie, teal and pink, with pink jeans and a teal necklace and teal shoes and a big ole sparkly butterfly on her arm. Ish.
But the worst part was when they played the song Britney wrote herself (well, with the help of someone else of course). It was called “Dear Diary” and went like this: “Dear Diary, I saw a boy at school today. I think he likes me, I hope he does. I’ve never felt this way. Dear Diary, I will always confide in you.” How LAME is that? And the worst part is, she needed help to write it! Oy vey! I didn’t know if I should laugh or vomit. THEN on Rosie (who I do like, actually) they had a concert special - the whole show was about HER! And she made rosie wear these ugly striped day-glo pants and PINK shoes!
AND then they fuck with SNL and have her on performing and hosting! Her monologue was two minutes long and the finale was a moving boob trick. I stopped watching after that, but I heard she sucked and none of her skits were funny.
And she is on the cover of my beloved Rolling Stone. I am writing a letter and canceling my subscription.
Someone just tear her face off or dip her in burning tar or something! My friend Mike thinks I am jealous of her, but I am not…I just resent that she makes so much more than truly talented people who have too much decency to get mostly naked on the cover of a magazine. She sells sex, pure and simple, and that is the only reason she is famous. I can’t wait for the day, maybe 3-5 years from now, when she poses for Playboy. I know she will - I’d put money on it. Ish. She is the worst example of white trash I have ever encountered.