Fantasy Football Bitchfest - Join, won't you

The BBQ Pit
21

Gotta love fantasy football. It makes you give a shit about games you would never watch. Personally, I’m 3-0, however it is by pure luck. Much to the frustration of the rest of my league, I have scored a next-to-last lowest point total in the league, and squeek by to victory because the teams I play suck worse than mine.

Players that have pissed me off…
Edgerrin James - My jewel pick in the second round (one pick before Priest Holmes) and he hasn’t found the endzone yet. I know he’s good, but WTF?
Clinton Portis - My 5th round “I’m smarter than you” pick. After reading he was the leading candidate to start, I took a chance. That weekend, he fumbled 3 times in a preseason game. Mike “The human rat” Shanahan then rotates all three backs. So I sit him, and he scores with over 100 yards rushing.
Ed McCaffrey - Admittedly, I took a chance with him, but he looks so slooooooow it’s painful. Ed, meet the Turk.
** Isaac Bruce ** - I have started him every week, and he’s not found the end zone. Major disappointment.
Marcus Pollard and Chad Lewis - I know I shouldn’t expect much from a tight end, but throw me a bone, will ya?

22

Yeah, no kidding. Priest Holmes has been the man for 2 years.

Emmit Smith has been stealing his damn paycheck for 2 solid years. Hambrick, the better player, is forced to sit so that slow, no moves, no broken tackles, no TD’s Emmit Smith can sleaze his way to a record he has no right too.

Take your cheap ass long distance commercial and shove it up your ass, you self-centered washed up hack. If it wasn’t for the Dallas fanboys (including the one running the team) you would be a minimun contract back-up. Retire already-- pretend you have some pride.

:mad:

23

After reviewing my fantasy scores from last weekend and having lost in two out of three leagues, I think I can safely say:

I hate football and everything it stands for.

24

Fuck Priest Holmes, no siree, I’d rather thank him for his 7 tds. But I’ll concur with those who already had this sentiment - Jeff Garcia, spread your cheeks, find a cactus, sit and spin. He was my partner’s pick in my money league, and damn it, I wanted Aaron Brooks (being a UVA fan). But he also picked Thrash and Ward, so he isn’t all bad. Keep kicking those FGs Vinatieri.

25

Hmmm, I don’t really have any of the stud players who have yet to do anything, so I have to gloat.

My QBs are Michael Vick, Aaron Brooks, and Kerry Collins. That’s a nice trifecta. I have Priest Holmes and Charlie Garner.

My WRs are the weakest part of my team, but I have a lot of #1 receivers on average teams which gives me some decent points to bolster the load of points I get at the other skill positions.

Now, to find a replacement for that Green Bay defense of crap.

26

Everyone who laughed at me for picking Donovan McNabb in the first round, and asked me to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn’t on drugs… I accept your apology.

27

Yes, and your 1-1-1 record and #7 rank are so impressive for it. A. Smith, W. Green, and Dorsey Levens seem to be working out real well as your top 3 backs…

28

Exactly!
Re: Chad Lewis, I wouldn’t count on him picking it up any time soon. Last year he was a huge safety valve for McNabb as well as a big red-zone look, but Philly’s offense is MUCH more versatile and balanced this year, and he’s suffering for it. With Freeman rolling into town, Lewis’ utility as a big guy running routes over the middle is all but eclipsed. In the red zone, McNabb’s stronger relationship with Thrash and the rest of the WR corps, combined with the acquisition of Dorsey Levens, has not only moved Lewis down the hot list for scores, has also forced opposing defenses to respect the Eagles’ passing and running games, which augments McNabb’s penchant to take it in himself.

Pollard should get better – he was my sexy pick at TE last year, but I dropped him before he started scoring, sadly. It’s not clear to me what’s going on with Indy’s offense, but Pollard’s been struggling with some sort of rib injury, so he’ll get going once he’s feeling better.

If you need TE help, go get Randy McMichael of the Miami Dolphins, if someone else hasn’t already. He’s money. Byron Chamberlain could warrant a look too, and might be available if someone got frustrated with him. He’s been hurt, and Culpepper loves to throw to him (and goodness knows our Daunte could use someone to throw to).

Portis should gradually gain value as the year wears on. If he manages to get a lion’s share of the carries this week at home against the depleted Baltimore front seven while Gary is still unsteady, he should do fine, and justify his continued action. Mike Anderson is still a concern, though. And with Shanahan, who the hell really knows what’s coming next?

James is a stud, and so is Bruce, although I’m not sure there isn’t something seriously wrong with Warner that hasn’t yet come to light, whether it’s a thumb problem, some other injury we haven’t heard about, or merely his deal with the Devil expiring. If any of these are the case, Bruce could suffer this year.

29

Priest Holmes!!!

I am so lucky I got him after everyone passed him by. My team, the Dancing Nancies, have rolled to 3-0.

C’mon Priest, score momma a few more TDs!

30

I’m lost, White Lightning. Priest Holmes IS great, so why do you give him a fuck you?

I’d be lost without him on my team.

31

Sorry jarbabyj, this wasn’t clear: He’s not on my team.

Before the season started I was a strident critic of Holmes. I’m still convinced he’s a one-year wonder and one of the most overrated players in the NFL this year. Unfortunately, it’s hard to argue that he’s overrated while he’s scoring 2+ TDs per game. That’s the reason for my fuck you. He’s not that great! Really!

32

d’oh.

33

A rant, for Hugh Jass:

And fuck you, Donovan McNabb! That’s right, I’m talking to you. You’re the top QB in the league and I knew it before the season started. So what do I do? I completely fuck up my stable of running backs by picking you in the first round. Eddie George? Don’t want him. Corey Dillon? Nope. I don’t want Tomlinson, either. What I wanted to do was not wait until the second round (three picks away), or even the third, to pick you up. Now, Marvin Harrison may be biting me in the ass, but Round Two is a solid spot for him. I had to ignore all the guides, all the cheatsheets, all the so-called “experts” and blow my chances like so much sunshine up your ass.

My name is Hugh Jass, and here’s my cupful of urine.

34

Got it White Lightning! Glad we could clear up the fuck you’s :smiley:

J

35

In my money league:

Round 1: Priest Holmes
Round 2: Marvin Harrison
Round 3: Duece McAllister
Round 4: Rich Gannon
Round 5: Fred Taylor
Round 6: Marty Booker

3-0 feels pretty damn good! :cool:

36

Those damned Rams!

I was stupid enough to believe the hype before the season started, but the fall of the Steelers and Rams is unprecedented for teams that have not been raided by free agency.

One would expect Isaac Bruce to still remember how to catch a pass, after all. Three or four drops? On passes he should have caught? What the fuck happened?

Did Warner use up his mojo or something? He can’t connect on the same type of passes that used to be his bread and butter.

Now with Marshall Faulk hurt and uncertain, it looks like a long year is ahead. He was the first pick in my league’s fantasy draft, and the owner who picked him is beside himself. Glad I got Priest Holmes. :wink:

My main rant, though: GODDAMN RAMS! I would have had a perfect weekend in Meek’s Pick 'em league here on the SDMB if it wasn’t for my stupid decision to take the fucking RAMS over the Bucs. I put 10 points on the damn game- last time I do that with an MNF game.

I hope I don’t have a reason to rant this Sunday, but I would be one depressed bastard without Fantasy Football to cheer me up!

37

Ahhh, so you’re the Steel Golems. I was wondering. Duh, I should have known.

Nice week, man!
I’m sure Faulk was the top pick in at least 90% of fantasy leagues across the country, if not more. Just goes to show ya, I guess.

You should trade Holmes now though. He’s still overachieving, I swear.

38

White Lightning

Someone picked up McMichael an hour before I got to him. And I agree with you… the man is a Fantasy stud.

My problem is I am too loaded with players from Indianapolis (Manning, James and Pollard) and Broncos (Greise, McCaffrey, Portis and Elam) So it’s feast or famine… (and it’s basically been famine). I’ve now adopted a strategy to smack talk everyone. And so far, it’s been working. I am in a Yahoo league, with partial point scoring. I won in week one by 0.13 (yes, that’s a small fraction of a single point). Week 2 brought a 1.03 victory. Week 3, I chalked up to a loss, with my opponent having both Warner and the Rams defense, and I had Bruce. Bruce did zippo, but Warner’s 4 interceptions were more than enough. My biggest win of the season (a solid 14 points). There were two teams that did worse than me in all three weeks. I beat one of them.

This is annoying the shit out of everyone in the league, and I’m having one hell of a laugh. Sure, it might end this weekend, but I’ll ride it as long as I can.

It’s great to revisit the draft. Last year, I picked Priest Holmes up as an undrafted free agent. I also grabbed Trung Canidate when Faulk went down and had a hell of a juggernaut that put me in the playoffs. This year, I found Lamar Smith on the scrap heap, as well as Thomas Jones. Not Priest Holmes, but not too bad.

My brother grabbed McNabb in the second round. And he was met with a chorus of “you’ll be sorry!”‘s, delivered mostly by angry Steeler fans who have had to watch the Crying Kordell for the last 8 freakin’ years. But wait! McNabb ISN’T the second coming of Kordell… he is actually getting better! My brother is kicking ass in the league (Ricky Williams was his number one).

[short rant]
As a suffering Steeler fan, my only hope is that the Steelers go down quickly and quietly. Maybe then (and only then), Cowher goes. Live by the Stewart, Die by the Stewart. Cowher’s never brought in a QB that would be a serious contender for the position… and us pathetic fans, so eager to relive the glory days of the 70’s and maybe win that one for the thumb before we die, wait… for him to improve, for him to get hurt, for him to miss the team bus… ANYTHING.

And while I’m venting, Bill Cowher needs to go. I know I’ve said this before, but he’s a Marty Shottenheimer protoge. The man never plays to win… he plays not to lose. As a result, Steeler fans have watched the Steelers lose 3 of 4 AFC championship games at home as a heavy favorite, and were one dropped pass away from losing the 4th to the Colts. Cowher goes, Kordell goes. Maybe the Rooney’s should have kept Donahoe around after all.
[/short rant]

Sorry all. Back to the real world. Fantasy Football!

39

Since this has some potentially major FF impact, and I imagine it will cause some people to rant, I give you this:

Moss arrested on suspicion of assault with a dangerous weapon, a felony

Could this fuckface be any more of a putz? Jesus, I’m sure glad I don’t have him in any of my leagues that count.

40

Hope I’m not too late to add a hearty Fuck You! to Kurt Warner.

I needed just 5 points to win Monday night. Five fucking points, and I had Marshall Faulk and Torry Holt. I could smell victory before the kickoff.

But no – Warner had to throw four picks and have one returned for a TD. My opponent had the Tampa defense. Goddamn defense outscored my two boys combined.

Instead of eating Chunky Soup on TV, you should go back to stocking it on the shelves of the A&P in Bumblefuck, KS. And you need a damn shave.