Fantasy funeral

In My Humble Opinion
1

Given an unlimited budget, what would your fantasy funeral be like?

“Fantasy” within reality please, so no magic resurrection machines or anything like that. You are definitely dead, but you’ve had enough time to ask for this funeral, and your wishes will be carried out as closely as possible. E.g. You can ask to be shot into space towards a particular point or object, but it’s not guaranteed you’ll reach that particular spot, given the limitations of modern science and technology. And it can’t involve hurting anyone else.

Anyways, what would you want? Full “Viking funeral”? Shot into the sun? Giant monument like the Great Pyramid or Taj Mahal? Buy everyone on Earth a drink? Give a trillion dollars to charity? Just have a normal memorial service?

2

I want to be buried naked under an oak tree next to a creepy old house that must be maintained as a creepy old house for as long as funding holds out. Others may also have themselves planted under a tree (of their choice) on the property as long as they keep a respectable distance from me and each other (say 200 feet) and pay a fee that will help keep the park funded. When a tree dies it must be used as mulch for the area around where the tree was.

Then I want Halloween and Day of the Dead festivals held every year along in my grave woodlands with a hologram of me screaming “Get off of my lawn!” while shaking my cane at people so that future generations will remember the meme. It would be my gift to future kids.

3

I will be buried wearing a shirt that says “I’d rather be breathing”. A large sum of money will go to the first mourner who confirms my death by farting in my face. There will be a clown on a unicycle and another making balloon animals. Every mourner will be encouraged to give a speech on the subject “The night Doc and I became lovers.”

4

Why should I care what happens after I’m dead? It’s not going to affect me in any way.

5

Also a valid option.

6

I want to be propped up vertically with my hands out in a shooting gun pose like I’m saying “Gotcha Ya”

Wait, that’s some other guy’s fantasy funeral.

Let’s go with getting shot into space riding in Joe Biden’s Corvette. I want to take what amounts to a Voyager style route, slingshotting past a few planets before heading out into the void.

7

I haven’t given much thought to the festivities, but I’d like my body to be preserved and plasticized, then sliced up and embedded in acrylic, as a museum exhibit (a few such exhibits already exist, so this is definitely in the realm of the possible).

8
9

Buried up in the woods next to the cats and dogs who have died while members of this household. Naked, or wrapped in a natural-fiber sheet if that makes any attendees happier. Any ceremony left up to said attendees; except that there is to be no playing of Amazing Grace. I can’t stand that song.

If I can also leave a trillion to assorted charities of my choice, sure, I’ll do that! But I don’t know where it’s going to come from because I sure haven’t got it.

10

@thorny_locust

Your plans could come to fruition, if you do some research first.

After we bought our 36 acres out in the middle of nowhere, Mr VOW said he planned to be buried on that land. If that’s what he wants, I wanted him to have it.

Until I started doing research…

In our county, in our state, if there is no restriction placed on the land use specifically forbidding human burial, it is permitted.

BUT you must have a survey of the property, and a parcel map filed, showing the boundaries of this burial area. The parcel map must then be filed with the county, and the county might have stipulations (regarding water tables, drainage of the land, depth of burial, etc etc.

Having worked in the civil engineering field for a hundred years, I know the surveying and mapping could easily run in the tens of thousands.

My personal preference is to take those thousands, and invest them in the usable part of the property, upgrading the house, increasing the solar capacity, stuff like that.

Our kids get this property after we’re dead. I would love for them to keep this place, maybe one of them could retire here. But if hard times ever hit them badly, they could sell the property, and use the proceeds for whatever they need.

And I don’t think they could get full value if the back acre holds the remains of Mom and Dad.

So, Mr VOW and I have discussed this briefly. He’s entitled to burial in a National Cemetery. The largest National Cemetery is in Riverside, CA. Our kids are both settled in SCal, so the smart thing is for us to be placed there.

We’ll be in good company: that’s where my parents are.

~VOW

11

As I remember, I checked into it once, and while I don’t remember whether the details are the same as in your description (this may well vary by state), while it would indeed be possible it would indeed, as you said, be a huge and complicated hassle.

You might be right; but I doubt there are many pieces of ground on the planet that somebody hasn’t died and rotted on/in over the last few hundred thousand years. Even in my area of the world, where it would presumably be no more than about 15,000 years, after the glaciers retreated.

There are a lot of small family graveyards scattered around this area; generally not in use in recent decades. I don’t know whether their presence reduces propery values.

12

I’m pretty sure most people who know me wouldn’t attend my funeral so this is exactly what I want: take that massive budget and donate it to adult literacy/adult basic education programs while doing… well, whatever you want to with my body. A medical school donation would be ideal. Otherwise cremate it and spread the ashes… well, that I’d have to think about. Probably off the coast at Cape Blanco, Oregon. Maybe at the confluence of the South and North Umpqua rivers.

If you insist on a funeral… well, don’t. Donate that money to adult ed. programs instead.

13

Do you only do nice things for people if you’re going to get something tangible out of it?

The premise of the OP is that you can do almost anything you want for as many people as you want. You are given full confidence that your wishes will be carried out. The only catch is that you won’t see it happen.

Why on earth would you turn the offer down?

Anyway, a trillion dollars to charity sounds pretty rad. Let’s go with that.

14

Cremate me. Spread me over our deceased cremated pets.

Save a couple of grand for friends to get together and have a party, if they wish. My Wife can take care of that. A couple of cases of beer some wine and pizza would probably be best. Whatever they want, or nothing at all.

My Wife will of course get our ‘estate’. She would invite friends and family to take what ever they want of mine that she does not want.

My mom died 10/21/22. That’s what we are doing with her estate at this point. But no one really wants anything. When you are in your 60’s, most people are trying to get rid of stuff.

15

There are companies that will mix your ashes with gunpowder, and make fireworks.
Part of me thinks that would be horribly tacky.
Part of me thinks it would be really cool.

16

Sorry for your loss. I lost my mother this past April. It’s tough.

17

Well, I’ve always wanted the most minimal, least expensive fuss over my disposal, but since you ask and have the money – do you remember that stupid Tesla that got shot into space, that tribute to Elon Musk’s narcissism? If you’re going to spend all that money, can you put me in the passenger seat?

18

Mine, too.

My original plan was to have the ashes of myself, my wife and any of our cats that have predeceased us to be mixed together and scattered along The Strip in Las Vegas, preferably by a hot blonde in a red convertible at 4am on a windy Tuesday. But now I find out we could be made into fireworks. Yeah, that works. Spend my estate on the best food and drink $36 can buy, and let everybody get stuffed and happy whilst watching the fireworks.

19

Thanks DCnDC.

I will say that the funeral home where my mom was cremated was great, but I got and email the next day to rate them on a number of things 1 to 10. Excuse me? Their rating just went down. Sheesss.

Oh, and I have Chapstick from the funeral home with their name on it now. Appreciated, but kinda weird. “This is… odd…” Strange because it is a very classy place.

20

Then what is the purpose of making it part of a celebration of myself/my death? Why not just say “what would you do for other people if you could spend as much money as possible”? Sure, that sounds like a dull question but from my perspective adding the twist that it’s now tied to your funeral doesn’t make it any more interesting.

Ultimately the one thing that makes a funeral unique is that you (the dead person) are firmly at the center of everyone’s attention. Is that what makes one want to think about how to celebrate it? Is that what this thread is ultimately about? If you had limitless resources, what would you do while everyone you know was finally thinking of you above anything else? The attraction to consider that question at all actually is kind of interesting, possibly more so than the answer one would give.

Actually, now that I have thought through this, I have an answer. There’s nothing that I would want for my funeral—should anyone choose to throw one for me—that would cost money or resources. I would rather that any theoretically available funds be used for absolutely anything else that would do real benefit to a living person who actually needs something that is necessary for life that money is essential to acquiring and not make that person have to think about me or my death for em to get it.