Farting at Borders on L & 18th St., Washington D.C.

At lunch today I stopped by Borders and while I browsed the humor section a man in a nearby aisle clearly and unambiguously farted (i.e., it definitely wasn’t a chair or shoes dragging or anything). Then he disappeared from the aisle without even looking to see if anyone heard him (he actually “played it off” for a second before leaving, acting as if he didn’t notice anything). He was about 6’3”, white with salt & cinnamon hair, and wearing a coral colored dress shirt with a lavender tie and khaki chinos.

Is this for the police report?

Perhaps we need a public farter registry.

Thank you for reporting this. We have added this to our database, and we have dispatched an operative to ensure that this never happens again.

It’s concerned citizens like you that make this world a better and safer place to live in.

Someone farted?

I realize this is the forum for mundane and pointless threads, but I think this one takes the cheese, er, cake.

So?

I’ve farted at Barnes & Noble and not announced that the green fog wafting over the Romance aisle was from my butt.

Nah, I just thought it’d be funny if another doper who worked in downtown DC actually recognized this guy and caught him.

Sorry, I had beans for dinner last night. I’ll probably do it again though.

Well, at least it was in the humor section. I mean, it’s not like it was in Romance or anything.

oh, c’mon! Farts are funny!

You mean like in the act?

Serial Farter, Menace to Society.

While I am not the farter in question, I have farted in that exact same Borders bookstore.

I was reading a book on misheard rock lyrics. I was sort of sitting on my haunches a bit. I got to giggling and before I could stop it, I let one rip. Everyone around me pretended not to here anything. Unfortunately, farting in that situation made me giggle even more, and I had to get up and leave, laughing all the way out the door. This was about 9 years ago, though, and I am not over 6 feet tall.

I used to work in a music / video rental store. A coworker told me about his strategy. If you have to fart, go to the Children’s videos section. The kids will think it’s funny and the parents will blame the kids.

Sure, even better.

I also did this because I think it’s funny that the guy probably thought that that was the end of it, when now everybody knows about it. That’s what he gets for farting while wearing such a distinctive outfit in the downtown of a big city.

I have just received word back the the problem has been properly sanctioned. Again, thank you for your efforts in keeping Borders a flatulence-free zone.

Caffeine.addict and Hugh Jass - you have been added to the watch list. You would be well advised to only release gas in approved areas from here on out.

Who_me? - your name has been forwarded to the organization in charge of keeping Barnes & Noble flatulence-free. You have been forewarned.

Hrrrmmmm. In DC. 6’3", salt and pepper hair. Did he look like this?

Well, of course someone named Hugh Jass farted in a bookstore.

You’re missing the whole point of discussing an audible, “detectable” fart… How’d it smell? It’s the flavor, not the texture that makes a good cut of cheese, you know.

Has anybody ever engaged in a public fart-off with a stranger? You know… Where you and the other party are the only people around, and you hear/smell a fart, you glance over and it’s obvious the other person knows you know what just happened, and your only response is to intentionally cut one of your own? To which you both just give each other a glance and an involuntary smirk, and go your own ways, leaving a lingering double cloud for any other passers-by?

I’m not saying I have done this, mind you, not even once. But I’m not saying I haven’t, either.

Is this really something to raise a big stink about?

Besides, it Washington D.C. Do you think anyone’s going to notice a little more hot air?

I love farting in public. The looks you get are priceless.

All Hail Fartier’!