Farting at Borders on L & 18th St., Washington D.C.

I was selling some cymbals to a guy once and he really ripped one. My jaw would have dropped, but an open mouth is not recommended in such situations. He was listening to me explain the differences between a few splash cymbals, and then BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!! It was clear that it wasn’t one of those that just kinda slip out. This dude was making a serious effort to get it all out in a hurry, he may have even sharted a little.

He said (in one breath) “Excuse me. So, would you recommend an 8” or 6" splash if I want a brighter sound?" He totally played it off as being something that just happens. I’ve had more than my share of farts before, I know the kind that make their own way out, and the kind reserved for self defense and competition purposes. His was most certainly the latter. His nonchalance completely robbed me of the ability to laugh about it, even after he was gone. I was still a bit stunned. Maybe he was brought up to expel any and all gas as forcefully as possible. Good thing we weren’t by the snare drums. There would have been one hell of a lot of sympathetic resonance going on.

Perhaps he was afraid of spontaneous combustion from holding it in?

raises hand
Why won’t the dog come sit by me?

Is that freshly baked bread I smell??

Well, if he ever does that in front of an open flame, he’ll become an ICBM.

Heh, heh. You said “BM.”

Bread, no. But I am baking brownies.

I prefer farting at my public library. The long, narrow rows, hard floors and low ceilings make for a magnificent echo.

Wut duz bukkits hafta do wif farts?

Someone should call the fashion police, at least.

It seriously wasn’t that bad. It’s better than tieless light-blue dress shirt with khaki chinos on a slightly dumpy body.

Was it one of those Borders with the Starbucks attached? Coffee and preoccupation = ass flute.

I’d really stay in front of that cause…

No, not cereal farter. Legume farter. Pay attention.

Excuuuuse me! I was reading a copy of “Fart Proudly” by Benjamin Franklin.