What do you do in this romantic, enrapturing moment while you are about to faire l’amour to your beloved new partner and you feel an irresistible need to fart ?
(I thought of posting this portentous question in General Debates; what do you think?)
I unzip the back of the giant chicken suit as fast as possible. No way am I doing it in a stinky chicken suit. That’s just nasty.
One should never fart when it’s the first time with a new beloved partner. I mean, if you do everything the first time, what’s there to look forward to? 
This cracked me up!!! Thanks!
To me, it depends. Do you think it’s going to stink? If you think you can get away with a clean one, just let it slide out.
If it’s going to peel paint, you just kind of have to hold it in and hope it doesn’t slip out when you’re in the midst of things. Or hope that your partner has a good sense of humor and can laugh it off.
Or hope it’s rendered her unconscious and she can’t remember what actually happened
Heh, reminds me of the time I was dating this one girl for a while.
We were laying in bed together when I looked over at her lovingly and told her:
“Honey, we’ve been going out for a while now and I feel it’s time we moved this relationship to the next level.”
She was like"
"Really? 
"
To which I responded with:
“Yeah really, Pbbbbbbbttttsss!”
Both: “laughs…”
You didn’t marry her, SHAKES? You don’t just let a quality woman like that slip away!
–scout, who laughs at farts
Or that she can hold her breath;)
I don’t care if you fart, as long as you don’t hold my head under the covers. 
Back in my single days I used to bring up the topic of “guy behaviors” sometime early in the data process. One of the points of this conversation was that guys don’t fart around women when they’re getting to know them. They try and act civilized and control the urge to flatulate. It’s only when I guy starts getting close to a woman and is comfortable around her that he lets his down his guard and a fart slips out in her presence.
If I did a good job selling this story it gave me a “get out of jail free” card for my first fart. If I did a really good job she’d take it as a compliment.
Bravo, bravo! Applause!
Where I come from, a Dutch Oven is foreplay!
Yeah, my boyfriend tried selling me that line, too. I just cocked an eyebrow at him and told him to get his ass in the bathroom before he shit on my sheets.
Seriously, I don’t mind it under most circumstances, but please, not in the middle (beginning, end) of romance. There is nothing less romantic than a fart, except maybe a queef.
Yep.
:o
A couple years ago, a buddy of mine was dating a new girl. I stopped by his place just as she was leaving. As soon as she was out the door, he released a really horrible fart. The kind of fart that could strip the varnish off a foot locker. He then said, “You have any idea how long I’ve been holding that in? Since last night!”
It only takes a spark to get a love fart going
A match to your groin and she’ll warm up to it’s glowing
That’s how it is with man gas once you experience it
It ain’t that bad, it smells like Dad, I want to pass it on
Last night I was engaged in a particularly energetic act of humping. Not lovemaking, just plain humping. When it was over, but we had not yet disengaged, I was still ass up, ankles akimbo, etc and it let loose–there is no way to hold one in when you are in that position. I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe, and it didn’t help that my fiancée wouldn’t let me back up. It’s good to get to a point were you are really comfortable with the other person that that stuff is funny. Of course, I hope I never get so comfy that we will fart during oral…eeew.
It’s better to have to fart before sex than while doing 69.
Ain’t no way you’re talking your way out of that one.
“Sorry, hon, but if you think I’m staying down there for 68 more of those little bastards,* you’re crazy.*”