Pray tell - how many pages did my “bitch” thread go? How many outraged, and hurt feelings were expressed there? How many people were upset or deeply offended by my Pit thread? How many people questioned my motives for starting it?
Not all issues are created equal. Neither are all Pit topics.
Fine then. So I will rely on my doctor (and family) to advise me. Everyone else’s input is certainly not solicited, needed, or welcome.
It wasn’t about gray hair, it was about baldness. And whether or not you would bitch or not, a lot of other people did not appreciate it.
But if you think they are out of line at being offended, why don’t you go over to the Rogaine Thread (also in the Pit) and tell everyone there to “get over it”? See what kind of reception you get.
Just because that seems to be the reality of it - that people are obnoxious nags, doesn’t mean that I have to LIKE it. Do you LIKE obnoxious behavior? Just because it’s a reality that will never go away, does that mean you shouldn’t ever bother to protest it?
The world is full of oboxious, intrusive, arrogant boors. The world is full of people who cut you off in traffic, fart in airlocks, and what have you. I may not go ballistic every time I encounter someone like that. I can cope. But damned if I’m just going to accept it without a fight, and act as if there’s nothing obnoxious about such behavior.
Ok Max, let me give it to you straight. The trailer was supposed to be of a comedy. The only jokes in that trailer was at the expense of fat people. Not only that, the main character regards fat people as being ugly. He was also given the ability to see the inner aura of people, either beautiful or ugly. For an attempt to poke fun at the Hollywood notion of beauty, in the movie we see that the inner ugliness in the trailers is represented exclusively by fat women. That is what I found offensive. They even had Gwyneth Paltrow play a fat woman who becomes Hal’s GF, instead of a real fat woman with a winning personality and the inner beauty. The trailer was not funny at all; in fact I was very disgusted by it.
What mountains would those be? The evidence isn’t there. Just lots of assumptions, usually starting with the assumption that being fat is bad, and ending with the conclusion that being fat is bad. And people get paid for this sort of “research”. :rolleyes:
yosemitebabe, no offense and you’re a coolchick and everything…but have you thought of maybe taking a break from this thread? It seems almost as though you’re deliberately coming back here to become over-wrought on purpose.
You’re not going to change peoples’ minds about their right to post an opinion, however you might personally sting from that opinion. I’ve seen threads come through this board spelling out, in no uncertain terms, that I’m a murderer and a fucking useless waste of skin because I’ve had an abortion - two of them, in fact. However, I know the kind of ignorant fuck who would say that kind of thing will not have his or her mind changed by my coming in and ranting about how fucking mindless they’re being.
However, by the same token, if someone were to start talking about how an EXCESSIVE number of abortions is wrong…the “using abortion as birth control” school of thought…the kid of chicks who have 4 or 5 or MORE abortions…I would jump right the fuck on that bandwagon and scream with the rest of them. You know why? Because it’s a question of DEGREE.
You may not be unhealthily overweight…it doesn’t MATTER, in context. No one has said “moderately overweight people are in danger of death from their fat.” People HAVE said, “It is healthier to NOT be fat.”
I have to say…I go for personality above and beyond all else, just like everyone else on the goddamned board seems to, but I don’t think I should be made to feel like a bigot and a demon just because, as nice as a 350 pound woman might be, I would really rather not imagine fucking her. Am I a BAD person for that? Would I be a bad person if I also said that Calista Flockhart-like skinniness physically revolted me? No. No, I’m not. And I refuse to let you (or anyone else) equate “I am not attracted to morbidly obese people” with “I think all fat people should get off their asses and stop being lazy shits and oh, by the way, you’re ugly.”
Morbidly obese. You CAN’T tell me any woman under about 5’10" is 350 pounds of healthy weight. No. NO way.
Jeez, you’re so far off I’m embarrassed for you. I never said what I thought was and wasn’t acceptable, and I never mentioned the word “ugly.” My point is that for every woman that finds a spare tire on a guy attractive, there are a million men who find a spare tire on a woman unattractive. Men generally carry fat better than women, mainly because it’s stored in more “attractive” places. How that’s sexist is way beyond me. It’s a fact of life.
Has anyone pointed out the fact that the main character in Shallow Hal is fat? Oh, the irony! For him to not like someone because they’re fat is really kinda funny.
No cite needed. It’s not like anyone’s done a scientific study on the matter. Just ask around. Go up to any random woman and ask her if she minds a man with a little bit of a spare tire. Then ask any random man if he minds a spare tire on a woman. Repeat. I think you’ll come to the same conclusion as I have. Picture a 5’10" man with a 40-inch waist, complete with love handles. The rest of him isn’t too bad. Then picture a woman with 40-inch hips, complete with saddlebags. The rest of her isn’t too bad. I think you’ll find more people are “okay” with the man’s love handles than the woman’s saddlebags. Sorry if this is news to you. I’ve heard of women being attracted to Paul Sorvino’s looks. But I’ve never heard any man say he liked Camryn Manheim’s looks. We’re not talking about personality here. Only looks.
I think I need to clarify something here. This concept is something that is universal for me. I’ve addressed it in other threads. It is a common theme for me.
It’s the “mind your own business” concept. It’s the “why do I need to stick my neck out, hurt someone else’s feelings, piss someone else off, when no good will come of it?” concept.
It’s the “I can’t fix everyone else’s problems by nagging them, because most people know their choices, and make their choices, because it’s their life” concept.
And see, the thing is, I am not exactly pro-choice. (Not that I really want to get into that, and not that you asked.) But it would never occur to me to share my beliefs with you, (not that you asked) and it would never occur to me to change my opinions about abortion so they’d coincide with your’s. (Not that you asked.) I WON’T change my mind about abortion, and I also WON’T bother you about it. Sharing my opinions, as entitled as I am to do that, won’t change things for you, and won’t make you feel good. It won’t make me feel good, because if I did that, I’d do it knowing that it would only upset you, and why do I want to do that? Why do I want to cause that grief? What does it accomplish?
My rant here is NOT about trying to get people to see fat as “beautiful”. People are entitled not to find anyone not attractive, if that’s what they want. For me, this is about trying to convince people that they are doing no good by nagging everyone else about this stuff. It just causes a lot of ill-will. And, trust me on this, I have NEVER gone on a diet, or changed one detail of my life because some asshole treated me like shit over it, nagged me about it. More often than not, I dug my heels in more, determined not to succumb to their pressure. Nagging is best left (as KellyM pointed out) to close family and loved ones. Then it can be barely tolerable. It is completely intolerable from most everyone else.
Please copy and paste any statement I have made where I even remotely suggested that. That’s not my point. At all.
My point is, you can’t fix other people’s lives by nagging them to death. They only resent it, feel like crap, and resent you. When such “advice” and “opinions” are unsolicited, they don’t help. No matter how sanctimonious and “right” you feel about them - doesn’t matter. It’s falling on deaf ears, let it go. If you must nag someone, nag your close friends and family members. And let my family nag me. That’s what they are there for.
I agree with everything you said, and had more or less identical reactions. (Am I allowed to say that in the Pit?)
I just thought, and believed that the OP thought, that the way you originally expressed it seemed to be making some unwarranted assumptions.
I’m sorry to join in the fray, but I wanted to comment on OneChance’s remarks earlier. Speaking of subjective opinion only here, different people gain weight in different places and in different ways. This is partly determined by gender, partly by individual differences in body type. Many girls gain weight in their breasts and hips, which gives them a full, womanly figure that appeals to many men. Other girls, like myself, gain weight in their faces, stomachs and arms which can make them look slightly disproportionate. I feel that those friends of mine who fall into this latter category look better thin. But I know some girls who fall into the former category and look better with the weight. This is just my opinion, of course, but it seems to be shared by other people as well. What I’m trying to say is that people gain weight differently, and look different with excess weight, and this is because of their individual body types.
I also agree with yosemitebabe that fat people don’t need criticism. The idea that excess weight is bad is quite prevalent in modern society. It seems that most of us are talking about extremely obese people, and not simply those who could “stand to lose a few pounds”. Most extremely obese people are unhappy about their weight. They would prefer to be thinner. They know that it is unhealthy. They’ve heard all the advice a million times - eat less, work out, walk more, etc. Even if they don’t have a medical problem which prevents weight loss, it is nevertheless hard for them. People tell smokers to quit, anorexics to eat, depressed people to cheer up. It is easy for those who don’t have the problem to begin with. Well-meaning advice and criticism often have no effect other than to make the recipient feel more alone and misunderstood.
We all agree that there’s nothing wrong with personal taste, right? And since this is the Pit, we can also express those opinions, if we want to. Some opinions are also unnecessarily hurtful. I didn’t like the thread in IMHO entitled “What about things that are supposed to b sexy but are a complete turnoff?” But I suppose that if we want to frequent forums such as this one we should all try to develop slightly thicker skins.
Further up this thread someone said he was into Camryn Manheim. What? You can’t hear me? You have your head up your ass?!?!. Well ok then.
Guess what - if you aren’t into women with curvy hips, bully for you, but, as so many dopers are fond of saying, the plural of antidote isn’t “data” guy. You can’t extrapolate your personal opinions to the general population - if I did that, I’d never be able to figure out whey everyone doesn’t have matching shoes and handbags, K?
alice_in_wonderland, I think that if what OneChance was trying to say is that women are held to higher standards than men, as far as physical appearance is concerned, it is true in some parts of the world at least. I know many women who are chastised for gaining weight by men who are themselves overweight. I’ve seen many families and circles in which overweight male members are described as “big”, “strong”, or “stocky”, while overweight female members are described as “nice face but she should lose weight” or “it’s a pity she’s really let herself go”. Admonishments such as this extend even to girls who are not overweight at all. I think that this is one of the reasons girls develop eating disorders more often than boys do.
I hate to supplement this with mere anecdotal evidence, but I think the example of my cousin is particularly shocking. She likes boys with “love handles” and her current boyfriend is rather on the large side. She herself weighs around 100 lb. Her boyfriend constantly warns her not to eat too much, to be especially careful when she eats out, and, incredibly, not to climb too many stairs in case she develops large calf muscles!!
