Even though this thread comes up every couple of months, I could still read these for days.
(1950’s educational film on the benefits of meat eating)
Kid: Some of my friends say it’s wrong to eat meat
Actor: No, Timmy. That’s just communist propaganda!
(Ralph; hitting on Lisa)
Ralph: So. Do you…like…stuff?
(Homer, buying a gun)
Clerk: I’m sorry, but there’s a 5 day waiting period.
Homer: But I’m angry now!
Clerk: Sorry
Homer: If I had a gun, I’d shoot you!
Way too many to pick just a few!
(Refering to the Lard Lad statue)
Homer:Hmm, he came to life. Good for him!
Homer:Mmmmm…Forbidden Doughnut.
Apu: I am selling only the concept of Karmic re-alignment.
Homer: You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He has got me there!
(Posing as Ganesh, being poked with sticks by wedding guests)
Homer: Stop it! You’ll only get more wrath.
(When Bart starts working at the Maison Derriere)
Bart: Lady, I have got to tell you - I have been grossly misinformed about witches.
What episode was it when homer sang a beer song that went something like "Do- the stuff/I use to buy the beer, Re(y)-the guy who sells me beer, Mi-the guy who drinks the beer etc etc? I love the line when he sings Tea- no thanks, I’m having beer!..I’ve been trying to find a .wav of that damn song forever!
What are you going to do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they open their mouths they shoot bees at you? - Homer
He’s going to kill Rod and Todd! That’s horrible!. In principle. - Bart
This isn’t directly from the Simpsons, but here’s the version I know:
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer
Ray, the guy who sells me beer
Me, the guy who drinks my beer
Far, a long way to go for beer
So, I think I’ll have a beer
La…ger is a kind of beer
Tea, no thanks, I’d rather have a beer,
Which brings us back to Dough, I need more
Dough … etc.
Am in pursuit of a red… [squints] car; license plate reads: [squints, plate reads: EXCON] Eggplant Xerxes Crybaby Overbite Narwhal; I’m on a road, appears to be apshalt; the sun is directly overhead… now!
Wiggum: “Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I’ve added an extra ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum!”
Character from The Bloodening: “But you’re the ones who’ve been bad. Doctor, we know you and the bootblack have been rogering the fishwife at the crumpet shop.” (The accompanying visuals make this one of course).
Chinese Ambassador: “You pay now!!!”
Bart in the future: “What happened to you China? You used to be cool.”
Chinese Ambassador: “Hey!! China’s still cool!! You pay later! LATER!!”
Basically the ENTIRE Mr. Sparkle episode.
“Hello chief. Let’s talk, why not? You have many questions, Mr, Sparkle. I send you premium - answer question, hundred percent!”
“I am disrespectful to dirt!! Can you see that I am serious!! Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?”
Also from Mr. Sparkle, “I banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts!”
“In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” – Homer
From the episode where Germans buy the nuclear plant. Homer says he has lots of ideas, followed by a long, long silence. German guy: “… such as?”
Just thinking the words “such as” in a German accent cracks me up every time.
“Canyonero! Hyah!”
“Please don’t chase me! I’m full of chocolate!” – Uter (German boy)
