Those answers really sound like he just wasn’t interested in dating. I mean, when you make a choice to go out, you at least put some effort into it. Lie a little even. I’m socially inept and even I can fake better answers than that, but I wouldn’t because I actually have some (to me) fairly interesting responses to those questions. Maybe he was just trying to get out of the date at that point
Agreed! I have a hard time picking favorites, but I would answer more than that! And she didn’t ask “Who are your favorite authors”, she said “What authors do you like?” “I don’t read fiction” or “no favorite authors” are not appropriate answers.
BUT they are very generic questions. I would probably make an effort to at least skim the person’s profile and ask about their specific interests.
What would you ask about then if someone was just sitting in silence? There were lots of bicycles parked around the coffee shop so I tried talking about those. I asked him how his coffee was. It was “ok.” I said the macarons were great and he should try some and he said no. I don’t know what I was supposed to talk about.
Music is a passion of mine and I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand when people don’t like music so I think that question is valid in the sense that I can use it to weed out people who don’t like music or only listen to Mumford and Sons*.
*Only joking. I hate their music but would be fine dating or being friends with someone who likes them.
Reading was one of his interests, that’s why I asked.
Just to make it clear- I’m not going on dates and grilling people. If someone’s interested in reading I’ll ask them about it and wouldn’t be shocked if someone asked me about it. On my profile I’m pretty clear about what authors and books I like, but some people aren’t. So the only way to find out is to ask.
Well I wish he would have just left then. I wanted to leave, but didn’t want to be rude.
Ok, then what you do is, bring your favorite book along, and when he answers like this WHAP! Across the side of the head.
Agreed. But you know, I had to be told by someone that answering “Oh, I like all kinds” is unhelpful. Now I specifically say, “Rock and alt rock, oh and lots of ‘pop’, too”. And then we can go there. So I think it’s just a matter of ignorance or lack of self-confidence.
Question: These women who are talking a lot about themselves – are you asking them questions or are they volunteering information?
You think reading is awfully boring?
Was this around June 3? Then he probably found out about how you gave Michael Douglas throat cancer.
Both. Why?
Ha! I like that. Then I’ll throw macarons at the guy to make him try one.
This could be it. Maybe I’m meeting a lot of shy guys, specifically in the case of the guy who doesn’t know what he likes, and that’s why I’m having trouble getting meaningful answers out of them or getting them to assist me in carrying on a conversation. Perhaps I’ll meet some more gregarious guys through a situation like volunteering.
Haha that’s probably it!
P.S. I forgot to reply to what you said about your tubby chinchilla. An overweight chinchilla sounds adorable, but I suppose isn’t healthy. Maybe he and my cat can be weight loss buddies.
I don’t have a TV and I watch a lot of old movies on my lap top. These guys are certainly boring compared to Bette Davis.
In all seriousness though, I mean they’re boring compared to my friends and co-workers who I can carry on a normal conversation with or be silly with.
Bingo. In my view, someone that can’t answer “What authors do you like?” is simply not any kind of a reader – and for me, that would not bode well for a romantic relationship.
Obviously there are people that don’t read books, and they seem to be hooking up, so obviously not everyone shares this view.
And music – I was much more passionate about music in my twenties than I am now, but even today, I could answer, “As the saying goes, eclectic: from country to bachata to Broadway. The last albums I listened to were Steve Martin and Edie Brickell’s bluegrass compilation and La Mejor de Todas, a modern Mexican brass band.”
It’s not difficult. Unless you have no interests to talk about.
I once took my parrot to the vet and she looked at my little baby and said, “Oh, what a pudge!” :eek:
There are a lot of boring people out there.
The last time I was single and out at a bar, a woman bought me a beer and we had an incredibly boring conversation. I strove in vain to make it interesting, but you can’t have an interesting conversation when all the interest is on one side. In her defense, she was pretty shy and nervous (and had clearly been egged on by her sister to try to pick someone up; I was that lucky someone), but still, she managed to be excessively bland and banal. At one point, she mentioned that she enjoyed reading, and when I agreed and followed up on that (I told her about the book I was currently reading), she found herself unable to name a book she liked.
Either she was lying about enjoying reading or she is just irredeemably dull. The nice thing about boring people is that they’re usually immediately recognizable.
I gave up on trying to date, and was hanging out at Campaign Headquarters in Virginia Beach, playing AD&D and a few other games. I got into a regular group, and ended up dating one of them. I married him, and though we are still friends, his buddy who is my current husband and I were a better match. [the classic we were better as friends than married, but were smart enough to divorce before it got nasty.]
I would say find something you like to do, white water rafting or something, do it regularly and make friends with the people you hang out with, and you may end up inadvertantly finding a boyfriend. Once I stopped looking, it sort of happened because of the reduced strss.
Yes, he’s basically a gigantic mouse, so maybe we can arrange for your cat to chase him around. Everybody wins. I bought the little turd an exercise wheel and he uses it almost exclusively as a bed.
Anyway, when I read your OP, I thought you were like 35. You’re only 24! So I retract what I said, because I thought this was like a 15-year pattern. You should just try to enjoy life right now, really. There’s plenty of time to be depressed when you’re my age…and it might not even come to that. I’m not depressed about my crappy dating life. You know why? Because I’m usually drunk.
Keeping in mind that it has been thirty plus years since I went on a first date, and that I was no threat to Casanova when I did, and I’m a guy -
I can’t see anything wrong with having a bunch of questions ready for a first date. Not just to fill in the conversational lulls, but I need to find out if the other person has the same interests as me. If I ask “who are your favorite authors?” and they respond “I don’t read very much” that is not exactly a deal-breaker but it is the start of one. If the other person doesn’t like to read, doesn’t like the kinds of movies I like, doesn’t like the same TV shows as me, doesn’t laugh at my jokes (and doesn’t try to top them) - then that person better come up with something else interesting or I will end the date early. No sense in wasting each other’s time with a date that isn’t fun.
Like I said, I have not dated since the pre-Cambrian era, so FWIW.
Regards,
Shodan
What was it like, trying to have some coffee with a nice girl when the T-rexes were all stomping around?