Thank you Chaz. You said the right words when you said to avoid trite cliches. And I completely agree with that love is cold harsh…etc. I mean c’mon. After 34 years on this planet, I can see pretty clearly about the situation. If I were a hot commodity I would not have this problem. That being said there’s nothing wrong with me wanting something…belonging and having companionship are fairly basic human needs. I feel if there were some sort of basic responsibility list for being in a relationship, I would pass very highly. But If no one gives me the opportunity to take the test then it will never be known. So yeah, I guess if anything makes me feel better I’m glad I’m healthy, moderately well off, fun, artistic, athletic etc. It’s fun being me. All these people not wanting to join in are missing out. (And I have definitely explored other’s worlds when dating, if I can accept their worlds perhaps they might consider accepting mine.)
Today I just finished rehearsing for a Musical (we are performing in a large facility for about 1000 people), and I ran 19km today. I made sure to call my family for mothers day, and did all the house work chores etc. And did yoga. Yesterday I worked on dance, and had a beer with friends on Friday night. So yeah, I didn’t smoke, do drugs, have any life drama, hurt anyone etc…all these things are mostly easily shareable with a partner. I remember some of the people I have been with I looked forward to supporting their interests and hobbies. Until it’s seen as too much. Oh yeah, cold harsh, etc. I forgot that’s where we are at right now. Sorry, but obviously my feelings on this are very deep. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, and life throws it in my face. Well whatever then. I’ll just acknowledge it for the gong show it is, and keep being the best version of myself. What other option do I have?
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All these people not wanting to join in are missing out. (And I have definitely explored other’s worlds when dating, if I can accept their worlds perhaps they might consider accepting mine.)
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[QUOTE]
this stands out to me.
In my life, I have never successfully invited a woman to explore my world. I have allowed them in and accepted their invitation to theirs. Casanova I’m not, asking a woman out on a first date gives me the willies and a physically beautiful woman turns me into a drooling, stuttering imbecilic caricature if I am trying to initiate a social or romantic relationship. Well, ok, I’m old enough and experienced enough now that purely social relationships aren’t a problem anymore, but romance? Total fumbling drooler. Maybe play it, mmmm, not cool or reserved but…there is a word or phrase I’m sure, but damned if I can think of it. Warmly reserved?
You know Quasi, another thing to remember is that you are still young in the grand scheme of things. I have a good friend who is 41 and just got engaged. You never know when you might meet the right person.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve clicked on this thread thinking “Okay, maybe today I’ll get to see Quasi’s post that says ‘Thanks, guys! Not lonely anymore!’”
This news is making that inevitable. You’re kickin’ it more than anyone I know! What’s the musical? You’re being brave… which should lead to more in other areas, too!
I wish I wish…I’m fighting the black dog tonight. I was at a dance workshop weekend here in town. I support the group, I hosted two people, I advertised for them, but come time to give thanks, none was given to me. There’s been other slighting lately as well from the group…and I feel so down about it.
A friend of mine in the band for the musical invited someone out for drinks and not me.
I saw a girl today I have had affection for and who has rejected in multiple times.
I think my dance partner is distancing herself from me somewhat…
I’m feeling super alone and like for some reason no matter how hard I work or try it’s never good enough.
Even in the musical, I’m a guitarist…no one really notices me or even is interested in talking to me.
I can never help but feel this way.
I sometimes wish I was a little kid again and could restart my life. I remember always being the outsider…through High School, University, and even my career. I thought I found sanctuary and belonging in my dance group…but now even they are brushing me aside.
I love you all for supporting me. I just wish this cycle in my life would end, (uh oh tears now as I write)…I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. With someone as well. I shoulder all the responsibility in my life for my finances, health, etc. I fucking work non-stop I feel just to keep up and survive. Why does this have to be so hard?
Once again I’ll find the strength to go to school, shelve it all away, and be a leader for the kids.
You sound really down tonight. I can’t remember if you’ve mentioned this or not - have you seen a counselor and/or thought about taking anti-depressants? This sounds like more than just the blues. I’m wondering if a counselor could help you work some of this out.
For example, it’s hard to say whether your dance group is really distancing you or whether you feel that they are because you are feeling very vulnerable right now. Sometimes when we are low, we misread things (and I don’t know if you are - I just wanted to put that out there).
I find that most feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or self-doubt I have are instigated from outside myself. I can be perfectly content in my solitude for ages, weeks or months at a time, and then some stupid person, thing, event, or whatever*, will shine a spotlight on it and against my better judgement I feel glum.
Then I may need to vent a bit. But soon enough I get over it and move on.
*e.g. a romantic movie; Valentine’s Day; a friend’s wedding or new baby, etc
Are they actively slighting you, taking you for granted, or are they just ignorant? It’s easy to see offence when it isn’t there. Have you spoken to the leader of the group about this? Did those who stayed with you thank you?
Survived the night. Of course I now feel like I ran a marathon…exhausted. Haven’t been to my counselor in over a year. Honestly I’m tired of going. Seems like a waste of time. I’d rather hermit, go jogging, yoga, etc. Something where it’s just me (or about me) and there are no other humans.
If you are always there, the bedrock as it were, it’s easy to be taken for granted. Again, the group may not have meant anything in particular by not specifically mentioning you.
If this counselor didn’t help, have you considered anti-depressants? Honestly, you sound clinically depressed. (I would also suggest a different counselor, because this one sounds like a bad match, but really, counseling isn’t for everyone, so let’s set that aside.)
Why I am bringing this up? Because you sound like me, a few years back. I really empathize, but I can also see where you might be making this harder on yourself than you need to.
I feel others in my shoes would feel similar. So I go to work and one of my kids asked me how was my weekend. A kid whom I’ve spent 3 years building a relationship with, we just came back from her first band trip. She has never asked me that before. Was better than anything that happened this weekend. She felt like the first person I met all week that really cared about my well being. Amazing.
I’m really re-evaluating my life and priorities right now. I want more moments like that.
It can really feel lonely facing a holiday weekend. Very sorry to hear it; I have to say I know the feeling myself.
Robot Arm, I have to say, having met you in person, that you’re one of the more engaging, interesting, smart, and inspiring folks I’ve met on this board. It’s a mystery to me why someone hasn’t grabbed you up yet. If I knew anyone your age out there on the East coast I’d send them on over, but, alas, I don’t. Hang in there! I truly believe that you will find the right person for you.