You’re not single anymore. Okay, maybe technically, but, if I read this correctly, your fiancee has moved in with you already and you are going to be married shortly. You might not have gone through the ceremony, but you’re not a single man anymore. Therefore, you have to consider her feelings. This is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. She obviously feels strongly about this. In reality, not having strippers at the party is a very small request. She said you can do anything else. If you can’t have a tremendous bachelor party without strippers, you’re in trouble.
You absolutely made the correct decision to honor her wishes. I’ve been married for 36 years. You’ll get there, too, by picking your battles correctly. You can’t roll over on everything, but this one isn’t worth fighting over.
There’s nothing unreasonable about respecting your fiance’s feelings. I do think it’s unreasonable to tell her she can’t make any more requests or know anything else about it. That sounds kind of controlling.
No worries, looks like I got a different sense from the OP. It genuinely sounds to me like someone who’s a bit ticked-off that he had to choose what his wife wants over what the lads want.
Sure it’s a special day etc, but “agreeing that she can’t make any more requests”…? Guess it’s just me, but most brides have much more anxiety over stag parties than blokes do over hen nights - stories of shaved heads, missing eyebrows, nights in police cells are much worse than squeezing the arse of a hot waiter.
I’d let your fiancee make as many requests as she wants - you don’t have to agree to them all automatically, but surely she should feel able to express her concerns and ask you to respect certain boundaries?
I take it that you don’t regularly hire strippers to come to your house. If that’s the case, then you’re not exactly giving up anything to which you’ve become accustomed. Ask yourself, “Would I be playing with strippers because I want to, because it is my habit to do so, or would I just be doing it out of rebellion and spite?”
Hmmm. I think it’s the other way around. Most prostitutes would be willing to strip for money but most strippers won’t have sex for money.
Anyway, I think that you are being reasonable and your friend is full of it. That said, my ex-wife and current girlfriend wouldn’t have a problem at all with a stripper.
She’s establishing bondaries, not sidestepping them. She has a right to establish what kind of behavior she will tolerate from a partner and what she won’t. If he were to ignore her feelings (which to his credit, he is not), then he would be crossing boundaries, not her. It most definitely IS her business what he does at that party.
What he DOES, yes, insofar as his being unfaithful in any sort of way. Having strippers at his bachelor party should be his and his best man’s choice. If she trusts him, she trusts his choices. She’s injecting her own feelings into a situation that she isn’t a part of. She won’t be a guest at his party, so she won’t have to deal with any strippers. Being that that is the case, why does she care WHO goes to his party?
Edit: Boundary establishment should have happened a LONG time ago if we’re talking about this dude’s BACHELOR party.
We agreed that she wouldn’t have strippers at her party. I don’t think fake penises are really comparable to live, nekkid women.
As Jon Stewart would say, “naaaailed it.” He looked like a kid on Christmas when I asked him to plan my bachelor party. He was born for this type of thing and I admit, letting him down on that front probably played a role in my initial reaction. But I know he’ll respect any boundaries I place and, besides, the girl I’m marrying is perhaps a bit more important than his feelings.
You’re one of my favorite posters, Diogenes, but I do have to disagree. We set up a fair amount of preconditions (other rules include no felonies or addictive drugs, but I figured that went without saying… then again, I’m sure a lot of bachelor parties - none that I’d want to attend - involve cocaine) so basically there’s no chance of anything happening that she’d strongly object to at this point. So I think what was basically a request to not be nosy about the bachelor party was within reason at that point. Plus, had you been there, you would have seen neither of us was exactly barking orders at the other.
Strippers at the bachelor party? It’s considered traditional in the USA, isn’t it?
Your fiancee was upset at the idea? Also fairly common.
Your first reaction was to think, don’t tell me what not to do? Hey, you’re only human, you have your pride, and that’s what “first reaction” means – that you still had time to reconsider upon further reflection.
You told her you’d accede to her wishes? Well I think that’s what most people would do, unless they wanted a big fight right before the wedding, especially with all the family and friends already invited and the caterers paid for and the band rehearsing the Electric Slide and all that.
What’s that, you really will accede to her wishes, and weren’t just telling her a brush off “OK honey” and then going off to do whatever you and your buddies want you to do, given that she won’t be around to find out anyway, thus giving your buddies blackmail stories and living out the plot line of any number of Grade B movies? Now we’re talking honoring principles and respecting commitment.
Whether or not your partner has other naked persons-of-their-preferred-gender crawling all over them is entirely your business. You may decide that you don’t care one way or the other but that is another question.
Ha, not at all. The only time I went to them was my annual post-Thanksgiving trip to Windsor, Canada with my best friend when I went home for the holiday. The ones in DC aren’t worth attending at all, as there’s no lap dances. If you just want to watch a naked woman walk around on a stage, that’s what the Internet is for.
I actually did go to a strip club with my fiancée (before I proposed, and before she learned about the connection between stripping and prostitution) and my messenger bag and cellphone were both stolen, so, yeah, the clubs around here have no appeal to me for a variety of reasons.
I’ll also note that she doesn’t object to me going to a strip club as part of another person’s bachelor party. She just doesn’t want it associated with our wedding. Fair enough, I think.
But she IS a part of it. His behavior is her business. That’s what relationships are all about. There is no longer any such thing in his life as anything which isn’t her business.
Just so long as you realize that this is, and will remain, your first job as husband: weighing carefully your feelings and hers, then letting her have her way.
I agree. People are free to make any request they like. That does not mean you have to honor it. Just be honest about it.
“Honey, I respect your wishes, however I believe it is important for me to partake in the time-honored ritual of bachelor party. I know you’ll understand.”
There seems to be a bit of a misconception about strip clubs and bachelor parties. Strip clubs are for married men and men in relationships, not single men. Single men should be out at a bar, club or lounge trying to meet women to actually date or hook up with.
It seems absurd and controlling to me when a woman says a man can’t have strippers at a bachelor party. Without fail, any guy I know who is married to someone like that soon finds that there are now a hundred other things they used to like that are now “unacceptable”.
My GF has no problem if I occassionaly hit one of the clubs with some of my work buddies. We generally go to more upscale places, not your dirtbag joints out by the airport. The caveat is I’m not allowed to spend a ton of money there on things like lapdances and champaign rooms. And I can start getting into trouble if I start coming home really late reeking of Patron.
By the same token, I had no problem when she went to her friends bachelorette party where they all took stripper lessons.
Also with your stripper bachelor parties, sometimes the strippers you rent are in fact prostitutes. You want to be careful with that since things can get a little sketchy. You’re much better off going to an upscale club (Scores, Flashdancers or Hustler Club in NYC for example) where they tend to be more strict (or at least it will cost you a shitload of money to get with one of them).
Word. The sooner this young man learns to surrender all autonomy, the happier he’ll be. If it’s any consolation, Snenc, the wife is almost always right and she’ll save you from a good number of potentially disastrous mistakes. There will be a handful of times where you will be able to put your foot down and insist that on THIS you are going to have your way. Spend that capital wisely.
The agreement between you, your fiancee, and your party planner should be that strippers are permitted, but the strippers are not allowed to crawl all over you. The strippers can crawl all over anyone else who wants to be crawled on, but not you.
OR
You can schedule your bachelor party 10 days before the wedding, so the strippers will not be crawling all over you a week before the wedding.*
OR
Allow the strippers to wear hats, gloves, earmuffs, and/or socks so they won’t be naked while crawling all over you.*
No, having them around isn’t. But I’ve heard stories…
After all, you aren’t having sex with strippers, but by all accounts, if you USE a dildo or a sex doll, you are having sex with it.
edit: FWIW, my fiance told me no strippers as well, and I agreed with her, but I told her if she lays conditions, my conditions were no sex dolls, dildos were ok, as long as they weren’t used on each other.
