One of my friends from HS is getting married later this summer and planning for the bachelor party has already begun. I keep in loose touch with this group of friends but we don’t usually see each other more than once or twice a year. However, I’ve known them for almost my entire life from kindergarten/pre-k.
It’s a destination type bachelor party, and while I would be happy to participate in the dining, gambling, and reminiscing, I really don’t feel comfortable going to a strip club. I’m hard pressed to figure out a way to gracefully pass on that portion of the festivities. Since we’re going away, I can’t exactly do the rest of the stuff and then head home afterward. Could I just be honest and tell them that I don’t want to go to the strip club? Of course, but I feel like that I would be very awkward for all involved, especially since I’d probably be the only one. I could just pass on the whole party, but I’d prefer to attend. Any thoughts?
Others may have more elegant ideas, but just make up an excuse and leave before the strip club. Say your girlfriend just called and your off to a booty call? Make sure you have access to your own transportation or a cab.
When I got married, my best man suggested lesbian stripper/hookers to oil each other up, dance a little, then do everyone at my party. I told him (in no uncertain terms) that we wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t be able to explain to my wife. So we golfed, bar-b-que’d and eventually did go to a strip club (for a couple rounds), but no hookers and of course no inconvenient wedding night dose of the clap to have to explain to the bride.
Anyways, honesty is the best policy, I always say. If you can’t be honest with these guys, they ain’t your friends. If they ain’t your friends, why spend the evening in their company?
Could you find out something specific to do ahead of time and let them know that’s where you’ll be? Unless they’re just being jerks, the only reason I can see for your absence to make them uncomfortable is if they thought you were stuck alone in your room.
I would be completely honest. It’s the same as refusing to drink if you don’t want alcohol–it’s really not their business to pressure you into it.
This is easy. The strip club is the last event of the night, right? Repeat after me: “My stomach’s not feeling too great. I’m going to call a cab & meet you back at the room.”
Repeat as needed, and if anyone gives you crap, barf on them.
I dig Count Blucher’s idea. Even if it’s a destination party, you can always ditch to go back to your room. No doubt the strippers would be the finale (assuming it’s going to a club, not hiring some to come to your rooms).
P.S. I doubt you’ll be the only one. Certainly possible, but I know lots of men who truly don’t enjoy strippers. Really.
The count has it right. I’m curious, though…is it the viewing of nekkid chicks that you don’t enjoy or do you have someone to explain the outing to, or what?
It’s some combination of the two. Of course I like viewing nekkid chicks, but I just find the strip club environment and concept to be distasteful and while admittedly I have never gone to one, I do not imagine myself having a good time. I don’t pass judgment on people that like that sort of thing, but the whole thing seems very smarmy to me.
While my wife would not prohibit me from going, I’m sure it would make her uncomfortable and I’m respectful of that just as I hope she would be if the situation were reversed.
They can be very distasteful, but some places are a little classier than the ones you see in some movies. To each his own. I don’t see any problem with telling your friends it’s not your bag, but if that’s not an option, feign illness. And start before you have to go to the club.
I was in this situation (destination BP, strip club crawl, etc.) and I decided to go along for one reason: by the end of the night, I knew I was going to be the only sober one left–especially since clubs often have drink minimums. It was a little awkward in the club itself, but I would find a strategic chair, crossed one leg over the other (ankle onto knee style) and simply said a “Sorry” to any propositions, nursing a ginger ale the whole time. After a while, I was glad I was for a few reasons:
(1) It was obvious a few other guys weren’t comfortable being there, so they had someone else (me) to talk to.
(2) A couple of guys in our party were really plastered so I was able to do a head count and make sure everyone was OK and back at the hotel safely
(3) I was able to communicate with bouncers, cab drivers, etc. more effectively, not being wasted and what not (we were in Mexico, so this was particularly useful)
It wasn’t too bad either because there’s usually a floor show that provides some distraction. YMMV, obviously, but I knew the groom and my other friends well enough to know that I would probably come in handy at some point in the night (just make sure you don’t look like you’re having a miserable time, because they’ll notice). Plus, after the weekend, I had some fun stories for the wife: innocent-but-salacious 3rd party observations with a clear conscience.
If you can’t think of a way out that’s graceful, you can always just sit at the bar. There’s bound to be someone else in you party who isn’t that into it. You can hang there and chat with any of your friends who’ve had their fill of the entertainment, though you do have to make it clear that you want none of the lapdances or anything. If you position yourself right, it’s like you’re not in a strip joint at all. Anyway, that’s what I’ve done in the past. I usually get bored at those places after about 10 minutes.
I was in a similar situation not too long ago. The groom’s brother rented a bus and a driver to cart everyone around from bar to bar, and eventually strip club. There were a few guys who didn’t want to go to the strip club, so the brother assured us beforehand that after the barhopping portion of the party, the bus would swing back by the groom’s house so we could crash there or drive home. Great. Except that the brother hadn’t planned anything and was making the whole party up as he went along (we spent hours driving around in circles as guys argued over which bar to visit next :rolleyes: ). When it came time to go to the strip club, he announced that we were too far away from the groom’s home and dropping us off would be a “waste of time.” So we got booted off the bus in the middle of nowhere, and the brother gave us a couple bucks for cab fare like he was doing us some big favor.
So my advice is, no matter what the guy planning the party may say about accommodating the guys who want to skip the strip club, think about a backup plan.
Having been the first of my friends to get married, all I can recommend is what ArchiveGuy said. And, at the end of the night, yo tell your wife that the strippers were skanky, and you don’t know why anyone would go to them when you yourself have a much hotter woman at home!
I felt the same way when a friend of mine since grade school got married and wanted to go to a strip club. I’d never been to one, didn’t particularly want to go to one, but I went anyway because I wanted to hang out with my friends. It wasn’t really that bad. I get the impression that the club we went to was pretty “upscale,” but it was not that much different from a bar, except it had a lot of really good looking, underdressed waitresses. (Including one stunner who was wearing a flesh-colored body stocking, so that at first glance she looked completely nude. Absolutely gorgeous… until she asked the bartender for a drink and revealed that she sounded exactly like Baby Huey.) I didn’t get a lapdance myself, but still had a good time hanging out with my buds. I say, go to the club and see what it’s like. If you’re not comfortable there, make an excuse and catch a cab back to the hotel. You’re friends are probably going to be too distracted to care if you bail early.
Sounds like the OP is more concerned about what the wife will think then anything else. I say you need to open up the dialog with her and find out where her comfort level is at rather than trying to weasle out of a strip club (that you admit you might enjoy). Personally, if I was your wife I’d think a strip club would be safer than a pack of drunk guys hitting mixing it up with some hotties at the local tap. At least at the strip club your not going to get any action from the dancers, you might, however, get some action from the drunk gal at one of the bars you guys stop at.
That’s just my thought though.
I would talk to the wife and then just hang with the guys that night. You don’t have to stuff money into the g-strings all night, or flirt with the dancers, or buy lap dances, etc. Just go along, enjoy, people watch, and have a good time.
You could make up an excuse (i.e., lie) or just be honest. “I’m not really into strip clubs, so I think I’m going to skip that part—looking forward to joining you for the rest, though.” I think they’re lame too, and would be inclined to take the latter approach unless I felt it was really, really going to create some kind of crisis (which, by any rational standard, it should not).
In my case, I’ve got no problems with looking at naked women, no moral/religious objections, and I’m not “prohibited” by my wife from going to a strip club. I’ve been to a few and always found the atmosphere tacky, the music obnoxious, the drinks watery/overpriced, and the obsequious, pandering attention from the “performers” (in whose joyless eyes I saw myself reflected as a leering Neanderthal with a pluckable bankroll) thoroughly off-putting. Not sexy, not flattering, and not fun.
Fortunately for strippers, a lot of guys seem to disagree with me.
I’m not a fan of strippers or strip clubs either, but I guess my feeling is that it’s not your night, it’s his. If the group plan is to end the evening at the club, you go and do it as a friend. It’s easy to not get “involved” in the club festivities- just say no thanks whenever you’re approached, and pretty soon the girls won’t waste time even asking. Hang out nearby the group and have a beer, and guaranteed others in the group will hang out with you. I’ve been to plenty of bach parties that were organized by the more immature, “rah rah strip club” stereotype of guy who hooted and hollered at the talent, but the majority of the group was always less into it and would hang back.
I feel that the honorable thing to do is go and not get involved, rather than bow out with a phony excuse. You can truthfully say you did nothing wrong the night before and didn’t enjoy the club, but you were there for your childhood friend and did the right thing.
You can find the concept to be distasteful, but not the environment, as you’ve never been to one.
I have to back up what McNew says here, for the following reasons and with my own spin on it:
Don’t let your idea about what your wife might want or not want interfere with what is going to be a tame outing. That said, make sure you communicate with your wife. Tell her about your reservations. But do so in a way that doesn’t make her thing you’re looiing for her to say “no” in order to provide you an out, because then both of you will feel more than a little uncomfortable. Backing this up, and it might be something your wife knows, but you should know it too:
Strippers hate you. The only thing strippers hate more than you is other strippers. They pay a fee to dance at the club and they have to make that money back. More strippers dance on weekend nights than on weeknights because there are more fish in the water. So there are more of them competing for more of you and she’s not going to waste her time trying to coerce a lap dance out of you, when the exact same amount of time and the exact same motions are going to net her 20 bucks from someone who is eager to pay her. A simple “no, thanks” has always done the trick. The great thing about a strip club (depending on how much beers cost) is that it’s a great place to get drunk and check out the eye candy with absolutely NO shot of going home with ANYBODY except the people you came with. I cannot emphasize enough that in any strip club of any repute whatsoever, your chances of having anything other than a “tame” night are approximately nil. A drunk girl at a conventional bar who decides you’re cute might not take “no” for an answer and spend a lot of time and do sme pretty wife-disapproved things trying to get a “yes” out of you. A stripper hears “no” and moves on to one of the hundred other “yeses” for which she has to compete with her co-workers. Your wife might know this. If she doesn’t, now you do and you can tell her.
Strip clubs (with a few rare, awesome exceptions) are not covered in women looking to tempt you to do immoral and lewd acts. Strip clubs are full of women providing a service for pay who are just trying to make a living. You are a job to them, and their view of you ranges from bored indifference to outright hate depending on your personal skank factor. Strip clubs are there so that you and your friends can get a look at some new and different skin under controlled circumstances, have a laugh, and then go home.
Talk all this over with your wife. Your fears about her disapproval may well be unfounded.
If she actually does disapprove, and her disapproval is grounded in something rational, then don’t go. Your relationship with your woman isn’t worth straining for something that’s no great shakes to begin with.
If her disapproval is irrational, then you have to decide if it’s the kind of irrationality that can be reasoned away or not. If it can be gently and nonconfrontationally reasoned away, attempt to do so and stop when you hit a wall. If it cannot be, just stop. This is not such an important thing that it’s worth confronting her over.
The upshot of my argument is that you shouldn’t let “I think my other half might maybe not like this for reasons I can’t elucidate” stop you from doing something you’ve never done and might just like.
The caveat to my argument is, of course, that you should discuss it with your other half and come to an understanding of each other’s positions. And hey, that discussion might just lead to a lap dance where you WILL get action (trust me, I know).
Or, if all else fails, show her what you’re talking about. Take your wife to a strip club (a high-end one, higher-end than you are going with your buddies), so that you can share your first experience and you both can judge it for yourselves. She may not disapprove. She may just dig it, and post-strip-club sex is exquisite.
You’re right that my distaste for the “environment” may be unfounded, as I am only basing that opinion on other people’s descriptions. As far as my wife is concerned (and me for that matter) there’s really no fear of infidelity or being lured into tawdry deeds by some stripper. That aspect of the discussion is a complete non-issue as far as I, and I’m sure my wife, are concerned. I have no doubt of my ability to hang back from the action nor stripper’s wisdom to pick on a more likely customer.
While she would tolerate it, I’m sure my wife wouldn’t like a bunch of naked women flaunting their naughty bits in front of me just like I don’t like the idea of a bunch of dudes waving their shlongs around in front of her. Call me prudish, old fashioned, or jealous, I don’t know but that’s just how it is.
Much as I love to argue, if that’s just how it is, then that’s all it needs to be. Your relationship and your comfort level are more important than what I think it ought to be.
Two things though:
Communication is key. Make sure that, if your desire to hang with your friends is strong enough to overcome your aversion to titty (AtT is a scientific term), that you communicate this to your wife. If her genuine desire to see you have a good time with your friends (or her not caring about where you go when with them) are greater than her aversion to titty in her man’s face (AtTihMF is also a scientific term), then you should go. But again, if either of those balancing tests fails, it’s not worth going.
You should still totally try to score your own in-house lap dance, dude. Not for any reason other than they’re awesome.
