I am always stunned and confused by the way some…many…most???.. people conduct themselves when they are fighting with people they love, starting at the top with partners, of course. The incredibly cruel, vicious, cutting, nasty…just fucking horrible shit people can and do say to each other when they are angry. The kind of things that for ME would be death blows to the relationship.
I know that everyone can be pushed to a place where they just mindlessly lash out, I’m not really talking about that ONE time you went someplace unimaginable. I’m talking about people who pretty routinely engage in personal conflict by just shifting into being as mean and hurtful as they can be. By abandoning any pretense of fighting over whatever the fuck you started fighting over and turn it into a contest of who can hurt who more. This is amazingly common, and I don’t relate to it at all. I can’t call up an understanding of what that feels like and why people choose that, because it seems incredibly clear to me that it gets you absolutely nothing worth having. (I don’t consider hurting someone I love, even if I’m incredibly frustrated or angry with them, something I ever desire. Hurting them doesn’t change whatever it is I’m angry or unhappy about, it just piles on more conflict, rage, pain, frustration… it’s the biggest lose-lose there is.
I was going to make a poll, but fuck that, it’s too shallow. I really want to understand this. Particularly from people who are all grown up, who’ve had enough time on this earth to fully get that spewing hatefulness in anger is a shit strategy for increasing peace, love and understanding, but you just keep doing it anyway.
Help me enlarge my understanding of the human condition, please.