find 50 ways to leave your lover.

Paul Simon said there were 50 ways to leave your lover, but only listed 5 of them.

some people have complained about that.

The five given are:

  1. You just slip out the back, Jack.
  2. Make a new plan, Stan.
  3. You don’t need to be coy, Roy, Just get yourself free.
  4. Hop on the bus, Gus. (You don’t need to discuss much)
  5. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free.

We need another 45


  1. Just get up and go, Joe
  2. You gotta be brave, Dave
  3. It’s easy to leave, Steve, just set yourself free.
  4. Just get on the train, Duane, don’t stop to explain.
  5. Just make yourself gone, Ron, set yourself free.

any others?

Kill her, Miller.

Seal him in a barrel, Pharrel.
Put him on a spike, Spike.
Shoot him in the head, Fred.
Stick him in a hole, Cole.
Burn him up alive, Clive.
Crush him with a safe, Ralph.
Garrot him with a wire, Squire.
Acid in the face, Ace.
Punch him in the neck, Heck.
Bury him in lye, Sy.
Throw him in the bay, Ray.
Glass in the soup, Coop.
Behead him on a bus, Gus.
Set yourself free.

Brick’er behind a wall, Paul.
(Drink amontillado while doing it)

You got to keep rollin’, Nolan.
Follow your whim, Tim.
It don’t require arson , Carson, Just get yourself free.
Know when to depart, Bart. (You can ride the BART to start)
Time’s come to skate, Nate. And get yourself free.

Take the next ferry, Jerry.
Slip out on a cart, Bart.
Chug down some freon, Leon.
Book the next flight, Dwight.
Take a cyanide pill, Phil.

Send her to Gitmo, Joe.

Just run down the lane, Lane

Hop on yer bike, Mike

Just lose him, Susan;

Can him, Anna;

Bean him, Gina;

And floor it, Flora, as you drive away.

Get on a jet, Rhett
Get in the truck, Chuck
Run far away, Ray, just get yourself free
Board a big ship, Rip (you’ll have a nice trip)
Take a Greyhound Bus, Russ
Just take a long drive, Clive, and set yourself free.

Go join a men’s chorus, Peter Morris
Just walk out and jilt her, ultrafilter
You’d best be dismissin’ her, lissener
Claim your love was inauthentic, Carson O’Genic
Lock her in a burning windmill, bienville
Escape in a balloon, Kalhoun
Use trained attack woodpeckers, Bryan Ekers
Engage in ritual combat, runner pat
Make an insanity plea, MikeG
Move out to the sticks, j666
Use a tactical nuke, TWDuke

Use C4, Seymour.
Blow her up real well, Nell.
Flush her down the drain, Jane
Run her though with a pike, Mike.

Wait, are you sure it’s not “fifty ways to love your lever?”

Then forget her, Lendervedder.

I’ve been investigating the Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

Hang from a rope, Dope
Fall on your sword, Cord
Swallow some pills, Wills
Jump off a bridge, Ridge
Breathe some exhaust in, Austin
Make like you fly, Ty
Open a vein, Lane
Jump under a bus, Russ
Fight with a bear, Adair
Kiss a viper, um, Kuyper
Swim out to sea, Lee
Have unsafe sex, Rex
OD on horse, Norse
Snort too much Coke, Jamoak
Fall through a crack, Mac
Fall off a cliff, Griff
Headbutt a train, Rane
Swim with a shark, Mark
Set yourself free.

I believe the line is there must be 50 ways, so it’s kind of a speculative number…
having said that, we probably should just sleep on it tonight


What does it say about Dopers that so many of us can’t think of a way to end a relationship that doesn’t involve murder??? After all, none of the suggestions in the original song suggest poppin’ a cap in the bitch . . ., (Mitch).

Slip her an inside one, Posiedon.