Inspired by the other thread.
Crawl away on your knees, Jeeves.
Pedal madly on a unicyle, Michael.
Take a Sinclair C5, Clive.
Row a boat down the street, Pete.
Pour yourself down the drain, Wayne.
Take the circle line, Klein.
Hop aboard a treadmill, Bill.
Mount a sloth, Roth.
Descend an escalator, Esther.
Slither like a snake, Jake.
Mail yourself with insufficient stamps, Champ.
Climb atop a growing tree, Lee.
Stand upon a divergent plate, Nate.
Love it.
Tie yourself to a turtle, Myrtle.
Take a military tank, Hank.
Drive away in a beater, Skeeter.
Bounce on a pogo, Moe.
Scoot away on your butt, Mutt.
Scatter delicious monkey treats (A) on the ground, causing monkey (B) to vacate basket attached to balloon ©, which will rise, pulling cover off of birdcage (D) containing parrot (E), who will squawk at the light, startling bowler (F), who drops his ball on balance beam (G), propelling you into the air towards escape tube, Rube.
Hah!
Thread won. Thanks, Biffy.
To leave your stuff there, Claire, and
have to go back for it, Mort.
Stick around and outlive her, River.
Well, you could declare a “War on Relationships” and wage it in the same manner as the war on drugs. Forty years later, your progress will remain slight at best.
move next door, fydor.
Hop a ride on a snail, Gayle
Hold your breath till you’re blue, Lou
Slide away in your socks, Fox
Leave bit by bit, Mitt
Climb up the laundry chute, Newt
Write a “Dear John” on the Moon, June
Wait for those quantums to jump, Gump
Idle as her protons decay, Uday
Wriggle away like a snake, Jake
Wait for the expansion of space, Jace
Convince her you’re not into dames, James.
Hitch a ride with a furry, Murray.
Launch yourself from a giant catapult, Schultz.
Flap your arms like a bird, Jerd.
Emulate a snail, Dale.
Put a message in a bottle, Myrtle.
Dig a tunnel with a spoon, Boon.
Tell it in confesssional, Lionel.
Forget to leave, Steve.
Whistle slightly out of tune, June.
Hail a taxi with your bum, Chum.
Train a parrot just to say, Ray.
Forget one birthday in three, Carey.
Put it off a year or two, Sue.
Write it in a fiendish code, Bode.
Maybe she’ll die first, Hirst.
Place an ad in Chad, Brad.
Thumb a lift on Santa’s sleigh, Trey.
Tape the letter to the ark, Mark.
Design a teleporter, Peter.
Just wait for the rapture, Harold.
Ascend to another plane, Dwayne.
Throw her to the Sar’lacc, Mac.
Employ a thousand monkeys, Monty.
Count on entropy, Suzy-Lee.
Book a ride in hearse, Judd
Blame it on the boogie, Googie
Find grounds not to keep her, Willy
Tell her she’s a turd, Richard III
Fake your own death, Beth.
Get her struck by a levin, Kevin.
Lock her up in the zoo, Matthew.
Accuse him of being a molester, Esther.
Find someone else to marry, Gary.
Hog the rest of the flan, Dawn.
Engage in serial infidelity, Melody.
Tell her you’re taking her on a secret romantic holiday, hire a bunch of people to distract her at the airport so she doesn’t notice the destination and then once you get her on the airplane chloroform her, put a blanket over her to make it look like she’s sleeping and get off the plane again so that when she comes to after the plane has departed she’ll discover that she’s alone with a one-way ticket to Ulan Bator, Igor.
Dial out over 1200 baud, Maude.
Submit a bill to the Senate, Bennett.
Try O(n^n), Ken.
Make it NP complete, Pete.
Skip the warp zone and play through the water level, Ethel.
Wait for the old lady in front of you at the checkout to fish out that last cent, Kent.
Tell her you are gay, Jay.
Shoot her with a rifle, Eifel.
Tell her she’s a bitch, Rich.
Tell her to go fuck, Chuck.