[QUOTE=Soul]
Paging all Japan-Dopers, how the hell do I get over there and teach? I cannot think of a place farther away.
[/QUOTE]
There are places further away, including China and Korea, and those two are also countries which hire westerners to teach English.
(Not that I’m actually recommending this as a solution to your current problems.)
By the way, I was 21 when my Really Bad Breakup™ (referenced above) happened, so believe me, I can relate.
I was about your age at my own big breakup, Soul. I know whereof you speak.
Quick and sharp is the way to do it, in my opinion. It seems like a horrible thing now – you’ve made this person a part of your soul, and putting her out of your life is like asking you to rip off your own arms and legs and heart and stomach. You’re sure that if you just say the right thing, do the right thing, everything can start rebuilding. You’re feeling abandoned and confused and angry, in your heart, at someone you never wanted to be angry at. Your choice has been taken away. You didn’t get a say in how this all ended, and when it ended, nothing you said or did mattered. You feel betrayed, and you loathe yourself a little for feeling betrayed and having dark thoughts toward someone you love so completely.
At least some of the above is probably true. It’s how I felt.
I had the added bonus of living with the guy for another six months because I’d already signed the lease. I also worked with him. He was downstairs, I was upstairs, and we were in the same house and the same building together every day. I thought this was pretty painful and pretty great at the same time, because maybe by being Extra-Wonderful I could help him realize just what he was missing.
He never did, and I moved out when the six months was up into an apartment all by myself.
For three months I was wretched, inconsolable, useless. I just slumped at the computer and read and never went out. And then, suddenly, everything just snapped. I realized I didn’t need him to be happy. It’s such a stupid thing to say, isn’t it? Especially right now? But it was like the parts of me that had been ripped away grew back, scarred over, smoothed up.
I’ve been there. It’s going to really suck right now, but it WILL get better, if you let it.
[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
I too will second what **Shayna ** said.
I will offer this as a possibility for you.
[/QUOTE]
No, no, no… no dating. You need some Soul time. Time for you to remember how awesome you are instead of getting someone else to tell you.
Take a trip; have a few drinks, whatever.
Drive your car with the neato flappy-paddle gearbox!
man-hug
[QUOTE=Soul]
Paging all Japan-Dopers, how the hell do I get over there and teach? I cannot think of a place farther away.
[/QUOTE]
I can’t speak for Japan, but when I taught in Korea, I simply bought a plane ticket, flew to Seoul (oddly enough, considering the OP’s username), and started visiting English schools… found a job in about a week.
Then had to fly home and await a work visa.
Come overseas to teach to get over a woman?
Been there. Done that. I can mail you the t-shirt if you like.
There’s some great advice in this thread, and I’m not sure I can add anything to it.
But I’ll try. 
[QUOTE=Soul]
What about the fact that that future is dead and gone and in its place lies, for all I can see, a bleak black dark dank dead desolate nothing?
[/QUOTE]
I’m sure you know this already, but what you state is not fact. It’s a fiction of your own invention. I understand how bleak things look right now. (I, like everyone else, have been there. Many times.) Time will cure that, I promise. You have a bright future, you just have to learn to see it.
Yeah, that would suck. So don’t do it.
At 22, you’ve barely discovered who you are in the first place. Now is a great time to figure that out. For as long as you let your ex define who you were, she was hindering your emotional growth. Now it’s time for you to shine and self-actualize. Take advantage of that great gift.
And for god’s sake, don’t run away. It won’t work.
I don’t recall if this has been stated yet as I have read this thread in installments.
Allow yourself to mourn. Get up and go to work, by all means, and put on your happy face when you have to. But when you’re home, all by yourself, burrow in (this is where your puppy dog comes in handy), literally and figuratively, and mourn for the end of your relationship.
One day, if you allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief, which would presumably (in my case anyway, after the end of an 18 year marriage and a subsequent 2-1/2 year relationship) include a period of anger, you’ll wake up and the day will seem brighter, and you will realize that though you just went through hell, you are going to be okay.
There is a LOT of great advice on here.
I do apologize for all the melodrama upthread. Of course I know things aren’t truly as bad as they seem, but that is a very difficult thing to believe right now. I feel incredibly alone, and I don’t know how I can ever see the light at the end of this particular tunnel. Thank you all so much for posting. I don’t know why, as I’ve never seen or known any of you, truly, but coming back to this thread and reading what you all have to say makes me feel a teeny bit better.
[QUOTE=Rascal’s Mom]
Allow yourself to mourn.
[/QUOTE]
Absolutely. Throw yourself a pity party. But timebox it. When it’s over, get over it.
How long that will take is up for debate. Some say 5 months, one for every year that you were in the relationship. Personally, I think that 2-3 months are plenty.
[QUOTE=Soul]
I do apologize for all the melodrama upthread. Of course I know things aren’t truly as bad as they seem, but that is a very difficult thing to believe right now. I feel incredibly alone, and I don’t know how I can ever see the light at the end of this particular tunnel. Thank you all so much for posting. I don’t know why, as I’ve never seen or known any of you, truly, but coming back to this thread and reading what you all have to say makes me feel a teeny bit better.
[/QUOTE]
Stop apologizing! Vent all you want. Collectively speaking, this board has a lot of heart. I was amazed at the support I received earlier this year when I lost my job. Embrace all the advice and all the caring. You deserve it.
And, yeah, what tdn, said. Throw a pity party.
Mourn, bitch, whine, moan, cry it out my boy. You’re entitled. You’re allowed. That’s the way it works. Keep the dog, it will work wonders at keeping you sane in the weeks to come.
Go out for walks. Sit under a tree with the pooch and read a book. When the anxiety strikes, snuggle the fleabag. Go out with friends. Let time do its thing. Give yourself time to feel like shit – because yeah, it does feel like shit for a while.
But you know what? You’ll be okay. Eventually. Chin up, son, one day at a time. Take care of yourself and take care of your pooch. If she ends up with the pooch, consider adopting a new one – there are plenty out there at the pound that feel just as lost as you do. There’s something to be said about a pet’s therapeutic properties. Truly.
Soul, if I were in your neighborhood, I’d buy you a drink.
in lieu, gives you a big hug and a kiss
You have every right to mourn, and it’s a good thing to do. Have a virtual whiskey on me.
I’ve been dumped seemingly without warning a few times. It usually helps me to reflect back on the relationship. Try to see if there were any warning signs that you had missed, women can be maddening in the subtle department. And sometimes I’ve just been delusional and pretended everything was perfect…tra-la-la.
As everyone else has said, the pain will go away believe it or not. One piece of advice, don’t go out on a date for awhile. Give yourself some time to reflect.
Yeah, you lost the girl, but you still have your Honda Fit, right?
That was a wee joke, intended to make you smile. Hope it worked 
I don’t think I can add anything to the excellent advice you’ve already had, but I can offer another vote of sympathy and support. The AA motto is good for just about whatever ails you in life - one day at a time. Just get through today, and let tomorrow look after itself.
And on the plus side, you have already had more by 22 than many of us middle-aged saddoes had by that age, and you have long, long years of mature adulthood to build on these precious experiences, and to add yet another cliche, tomorrow is another day.
You have learnt, you have grown, and I am sorry that the pain now is part of the price, but it does generally turn out to be bearable, and in the long run you will heal and be a stronger person for it. It never looks like that at the very time that your heart is going through the mincer, but it will not feel like that forever.
Soul,
That sucks man. I got dumped last year after 25 years and two kids. I was crying to a friend of mine asking ‘What am I going to do?’ She said ‘Go boating’ The next day I got some buddies and we floated on the Colorado river. Things started getting better from then on. Get some friends and go out and embrace some activity that you enjoy. Keep repeating the process. You will find that you can enjoy yourself without her. You will feel better over time. Few things are more painful than being in love with someone that isn’t in love with you.
Soul, I totally get where you are. I had a 5-year relationship implode during the engagement phase. It was so difficult (I kept the cats; keep the dog and the Fit). Here’s what I did: I lived by myself for a while. I went out with my closest friend when I could. We did all kinds of goofy things–we spent an entire summer at the Museum of Television and Radio in Manhattan watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on a movie-sized screen–it was awesome.
I ate a lot of Chinese takeout, pet the cats, learned how to cook, watched way too much TV. And then, after a year or so, I started cozying up to this cute guy at work, and we’ve been married for 8 1/2 years and have 2 kids (and cats–and maybe, soon, a Fit).
Don’t run off to Japan, unless it’s your life dream to teach English there. Live with yourself for a while; just take it easy. It gets better. Really.