just a word to the wise.
BenGay is not a suitable substitue for shortning.
yet another:
Don’t chop jalapenos and masturbate in the same day.
And, I might add, light sockets are not nearly as tasty as they look.
That filet knife isn’t the thing to use to get that annoying booger out of your nose.
I’m thinking you could pull this off, if done in the right order.
At the very least, put down the knife first.
Never ever ever cook bacon if you are naked :eek:
If you’re wondering why the chamber full of hairspray won’t ignite, don’t look into it to attempt to find out whether the spark is going off.
While spackle might BE the same consistency, just add a little more oatmeal to make it less runny.
The same applies to morters. <shudder>
Speaking of BenGay, it’s not a suitable substitute for PrepH, either. Or Vagisil.
When out in the woods, don’t use that three-pointed leaf as
toilet paper.
no matter how bored you are, never kill time by trying to figure out how much water you can drink in one sitting before you overdose.
And did you see the new Icy/Hot product? It comes in a “convenient application stick” now. The thing looks JUST LIKE A FRIGGIN’ SPEED STICK!!!
WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?
Don’t get the two confused, EVER!
…or wield a staple gun.
And interesting point has arisen from juxtaposing two posts here:
Don’t masturbate with that three pointed leaf, either.
Or with a filet knife.
Or with a light socket.
Or with a mortar gun.
Or with oatmeal.
If you are sleeping on the very top bunk, don’t zip you sleeping bag all the way to the top. Breaking your fall is much easier if you can use your hands or feet.
oh yeah,
While riding your motorcycle in the dark it is wise to have someone make sure the fence gate is open before you try to go through it at 40mph.
Do not eat steamed crabs if you have papercuts or open hangnails.
If you’re trying to avoid possible arrest, don’t wear a furry bikini to a Bears game.
He said “pull this off.”
Never use a double-wheeled bench grinder to sharpen a machete.
Never leave a rake lying teeth up on the ground.
Never try to slam dunk by putting an empty five gallon bucket upside down in front of the goal.
Never put your hand behind the surface you’re cutting with a jigsaw to brace yourself.
If you’re falling off a ladder with a hammer in your hand, throw the hammer away from yourself and your expected point of impact.
Never assume the guy on the backhoe always knows where you are.
Always cut away from your body with a box knife.
When unhooking a trailer from a pickup, do not reach under the tailgate when four bags of concrete are resting on it.
when draining spaghetti, always wear more than just your bra and panties
never ride a tricycle with roller skates on