Why do more males want to be female than vice versa?
So they can lose at chess. 
Why are men better than women at chess?
They’re not, really. A woman invented chess - I mean, the Queen can go anywhere, while the King hobbles around, one space at a time? Come on.
What exactly were the “Dark Ages”
The time when there were Druids, only nobody knew who they were, or what they did.
Is Masturbation Wrong In Hinduism?
Why do you think there are so many multi-armed gods?
**Anyone know of a model of the Universe looking like a Double Helix? **
Yeah, I picked one up at a garage sale for 2 bucks.
**What exactly were the “Dark Ages” **
The Midwest had one last summer.
**Am I Legally Obligated To Get Dressed Before Answering My Door? **
If you’re a hot babe, no 
**Switching hard drives **
Sorry, I don’t believe in using corporal punishment on electronic devices.
Why are pockets sewn shut on new suits?
Fat Bald Guy
To prevent the South East Asian child laborers from smuggling out buttons
When It Rains: Why Only Earthworms?
Jinx
Some places get cats and dogs - others get water. You obviously live in a place where invertebrates are the norm
HomeOwners: Does It Cover Roofers???
Jinx
Some insurers cover roofers – others underwrite floorers.
Why would my computer just break down?
Guinastasia
Perhaps you were playing Sophie’s Choice on your DVD drive.
A family tree for religions?
SmackFu
Douglas Fir for Christians, Fig trees for Jews, Yggdrasil trees for atheists
Darwin’s mistakes.
XWalrus2
Releasing the ‘This Mental Nourishment My Drive” EP without titles for tracks 7 and 8.
Milk: Have The Cows Joined OPEC?
Jinx
Got Milked?
Is there a way to trace the S/N on my rifle?
duffer
Is there a less subtle way of threatening your spouse?
Sweaty Nose
zahara2
IMHO, It’s time for contact lenses or lasik surgery
Why would my computer just break down?
Because it’s had a hard day.
what are the fields where women dominate?
Sally Fields, for starters.
Can chickens swim?
Drop one in some water and then report back to us.
what happens when you take a caffine pill and sleeping pill at once?
The same thing that happens when drinking Starbucks coffee while listening to James Taylor.
Coors cans upside down?
It’s not the can that’s upside-down, it’s the carton that’s upside down.
How to help your child stop making careless errors in math?
Taking away his Sony PlayStation so he’ll do his homework might be a good start.
Does drinking grapefruit juice help you lose weight?
Of course. Anything you try to eat after drinking it will taste just as foul, so you won’t eat anything at all.
What’s the best way to send money internationally?
Just send it to dwc1970’s home address; any amount is fine. I can convert it later on.
Why do people eat placentas?
They’re convinced they taste just like chicken.
What just happened to my monitor?
It just displayed this thread.
What can I eat to make me feel better?
Morphine.
Is it okay to use Campho-Phenique on Canker Sores?
Well, sure, if you’re an uncivilized barbarian.
What do those “check cashing” outfits do?
Cash che… wait, this is a trick, isn’t it?
were all the apostles really sitting on the same side of the table at the lastsupper?
Yeah, Peter farted. And then denied it. Thrice. Thomas couldn’t believe it. Judas ratted on Peter, though. Then everyone scooted to the other side.
tdn: Why do some TV programs look “funny”?
Those are sitcoms. They’re supposed to look like that.
+mdi: Difference between a guitar riff and a guitar lick?
42
TheFifthYear: My TV picture is bigger than the screen
Buy a bigger TV.
**Interrobang!? **: Can you be ticketed for driving a really smoky car?
Depends - are you in the smoking or non-smoking lane?
Cisco: What can I eat to make me feel better?
Well, I’ve got a recipe for some special brownies…
Hasn’t AIDS always been around? (START)
Actually, the 1st appetite suppressant was CortaSlim. Ayds came out in the 80’s and was discontinued in the 90’s
Google Toolbar Popup Blocker Problems (Exapno Mapcase)
Their servers are getting a little bogged down saving your pop-ups for future advertising purposes
Do atomic clocks and watches work as well as they say? (Plan B)
They’re very inaccurate – The one I got as a subscription gift from the B.A.S. has been stuck at 11:53PM for years now.
of nuclear and EMP (Tony Montana)
You can read all about electro-magnetic pulse watches in the above thread
What if I didn’t stop when those Wall Mart anti-theft buzzers go off? (Roland Deschain)
A bunch of migrant Mexican security guards will hold you ‘til the cops arrive – If you want to escape prior, Yell “INS’ as loud as you can
Can I move fish? -AND- Where do I get boxes?
Though not completely watertight, this may come in handy.
Does anyone remember that great sinusitis/doctor website? (pugluvr)
You misspelled it. It’s http://Dr.LinusEitiz.med
An Anonymous Powerball Winner? How? (Jinx)
That’s an easy one – He’s gotta be a mafia turncoat under protection from the FBI
What are 3.5 inch floppy disks called outside the US?
Another easy one! 88.9mm floppy disks
Need help from smokers who have (successfully) quit! (Satyricon)
If there’s a way to unsuccessfully quit, I haven’t heard about it
Is it okay to use Campho-Phenique on Canker Sores? (kevsnyde)
Sure, just keep the Preparation H on the top shelf of your medicine cabinet
Odds of a plane crashing with a sports team on board… (McDeath_the_Mad)
I just checked with Vegas: Israeli 2004 Olypmic Soccer team = 10,000:1 USA Olympic Basketball team = 15,000:1, Panamanian Luge team = 1,000,000,000:1.
Why do some TV programs look “funny”? (tdn)
To make up for the fact they don’t sound funny
My TV picture is bigger than the screen (TheFifthYear)
If this is another letter box / wide screen format rant, please take it to the Pit
What language was spoken before God destroyed the Tower of Babel? (smootman)
Pre-Confusciois Babylonian
What can I eat to make me feel better? (Cisco)
I don’t know about you, but if you 68 me, I think I’d feel better
styles of poker (drhess)
The 3 main ones are: Vaginally, Anally and Orally. If you wanna be creative, you might consider poking the cleavage
what are the fields where women dominate? (shijinn)
The 1st one that comes to mind are field hockey fields
What language was spoken before God destroyed the Tower of Babel?
Ironically, Klingon.
**what are the fields where women dominate? **
The “kitchen” field and the “makin’ babies” field.
**Fighter Pilot runs off in Military Jet **
He must have very strong legs.
**History of video game info **
First, there was Pong. And it was good.
Did desperate natives commit infanticide?
Well, when the little guys are crawling around and eating your food, you’d be inclined to set out a few baby-strips and baby-motels, wouldn’t you?
**Can you be ticketed for driving a really smoky car? **
Just don’t try to offer the officer any of what you’re smoking.
**Argentina, you do want to get this package, so tell me your postal code! **
Argentina appreciates your call, but all lines are busy. Please press 1 to hold on the line, or 2 to speak with another South American country.
**Quantum Tunneling **
Requires *really * tiny drill bits.
**Why are Nicotine gum so expensive and McDonalds cheeseburgers so cheap? **
Because one calms your shakes, and the other comes with shakes?
**What is the best system to learn MAC OS 10.3? **
A Macintosh.
**Where does money eventually end up? **
In my bank account. So cut out the middle-men…
**Inserting smaller CDs into slot-loading drives **
Oh great, another thinly-disguised “brag about the size of my penis” thread.
**Suicide by 9-volt battery. **
Be careful: suicide isn’t illegal, but assault and battery may be…
**What would happen if you bombed a tornado? **
A trailer park would explode.
guitar riff
- guitar lick
--------------
42
Plus the added humor of ‘42’ being the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything…
They’re just not as funny when you have to explain them
So Why is My Right Testicle Hurting? (Tuckerfan)
You’re squeezing too hard.
Why are the Dems so upset? (keno)
Cause a republican is president!
Why is tuna the most prevalent canned fish? (Lumpy)
You ever tried getting a herring into a can?
Hells Angels - What are “Nomad” chapters?" (Spectre of Pithecanthropus )
The guys with bikes that move. There’s also a “Stationary Bike” chapter, but they’re not as visible.
The Facts on Roofing Construction (Jinx)
A spin-off of The Facts of Life
Sewer Gas Harmful ? (simple homer)
Ever notice how the pages of magazines stored in your “Reading Room” are curled up?
Has Deep Blue gotten deeper in the last few years? (Roland Deschain )
Actually, it had something of an identity crisis a few years ago. After the operation, she prefers to be called fuschia.
**When is March is Reading Month ?
Starts April 1st.
Swear to God someone asked me that question.
Was this someone related to the woman in that TV commercial who had to look in her rolodex for the phone number to 1-800-DENTIST?
Is Splenda better for your teeth than sugar?
I wouldn’t recommend brushing with either.
**Why is it always the Jesuits? **
Because they’re the most mischievous of the Catholic orders.
Why isn’t there a wine made from oranges?
Because it wouldn’t rhyme with anything.
**Are chinchillas colourblind? **
Are you kidding? They’re one of the most racist mammal species around.
Am I Legally Obligated To Get Dressed Before Answering My Door?
Only Morally. Yikes.
**I have a carpentry problem. **
What do you expect when you head out to get hammered on screwdrivers? You know the drill.
**How do I roll down my windows all the way? **
Keep winding the handel until it stops.
Can this cigar be saved?
Sorry, Mr Clinton, it can’t be smoked now.
**Fighter Pilot runs off in Military Jet **
WTH didn’t he/she fly off instead.
What if I didn’t stop when those Wall Mart anti-theft buzzers go off?
They’ll capture you when you fall into the punji pit.
**How did Martin Rocks get to Earth **
Just the same way as Chris his twin brother, they were both born in the same LA maternaty ward.
Why can’t I mail playing cards to Germany?
Ja? Ve Haff Lotsen Playercartzen. Ve neden nicht more!
**Can a person become funnier? **
Absolutely. Conan O’Brien? Used to be Dabney Coleman.
**Redheads, pain, and anaesthesia **
Someone certainly had an interesting weekend…
Term for “Unhappy person who wants everyone else to be unhappy”?
An ‘Ashcroft’.
Stupid question: what are 401(k) plans?
[FNORD] That’s where we, future dictators of the planet, spare 401,000 of you mundanes to act as birthing fodder for our new world order. [/FNORD]
**What is the highest paid profession? **
Professional “Cecil Adams”. What, you thought it was a name?
**Can the Supreme Court be overturned? **
You’d need a really big forklift.
What did Rush Linbaugh say?
What didn’t he say?
**Only in the Navy do they say “Aye, aye.” Right? **
Also, the Village People.
**Any Oriental boxers? **
They favor briefs.
**How was trench warfare overcome? **
A trench peace treaty.
I’m concerned something terrible has happened…I don’t see one Jinx question on the entire page.
What’s the best cheap, car to possibly get my brother in law through school?
Roland Deschain
Why, he’s too lazy to walk thru the halls like everyone else?
In an effort to protect our animals, we will no longer…
Khadaji
Engage in condomless bestiality. :eek:
Low Carb Diets
Pepsi Classic
I recommend - Breakfast: Bacon, Ham & Sausage. Lunch: Criso spread on Cardboard. Dinner: Same as Breakfast. Beverages: Corn or Olive Oil. Just don’t come bitchin to me when you discover Atkins is a scam.
Blood tests for cancer
vibrotronica
Blood tests are the most direct way of detecting lukemia
Running barefoot? 18 hours a day? And Native Americans outrunning horses?
dre2xl
Back in the days when the Indians ruled the plains, wild horses ran without shoes. It kind of leveled the barefoot playing field.
Did the rates of ‘overweight’ people double since 1990 because the BMI changed?
Wesley Clark
Interest rates can’t since the passage of Equal Opportunity Lending Laws. But I’m sure their pulse rates have risen considerably lugging around the extra baggage these past 14 years.
Is Japanese Anime killing the American Cartoon Industry
Starguard
Yes, the trend started years ago upon the release of Godzilla vs Bambi
How long could a human being survive on beer?
Hyperelastic
99 Days Is The Record So Far, 99 Days Is the burrrrrrp.
Beheading/Execution Techniques
gytalf2000
[Marie Abu Antoinette]Let them eat falaffel![Marie Abu Antoinette]
What electronic devices can I use on the plane?
Johnny Powers
F A A regulations regarding the use of the Jodie Moor Vibrating Pussy & Anus are unclear and sketchy at best.
Why does this watch cost $52,800???
choosybeggar
Compared to this pile of shit from Picasso’s blue period, it sounds like quite a bargain.
How do fish get into man made lakes?
Oglomott
Darwinians would have you believe they sprout legs and walk there from a natural lake. But I’m convinced it has something to do with pollenation. :smack:
**If we all exercised daily, ate perfectly, and didn’t smoke would we die of nothing? **
Not you. You’ll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.
Modern day foo fighters and St. Elmos fire
Yes, Dave Grohl has confirmed they’ll be working on the soundtrack for the remake.
Hockey Goals and Really Fat People
How many pucks can you eat in an hour?
**Why is my computer always trying to dial out? **
It’s lonely.
Libertarian candidate in 04?
I wasn’t aware Libertarian had political ambition.
