Q. If we all exercised daily, ate perfectly, and didn’t smoke would we die of nothing?
A. Yes.
Q. Can anything exist outside of time?
A. Depends.
Q. Can you make Synthetic Kerosene without using ANY other fossil fuels?
A. Technically.
What to do about a medical overbilling?
Break it again and get your money’s worth.
What electronic devices can I use on the plane?
The radar would be a good one.
I Want to Race a Horse in the Kentucky Derby
My money’s on the horse.
Why is this computer so slow?
Because it doesn’t have legs?
I don’t bother to trap them:
Relativity shrinkage
chaoticdonkey
Maybe it just got out of the pool? (Actually posted)
Orthodox Jewish Women and Wigs
Eve
I’m all for sexual equality. If a man can cover his bald spot with a yarmulke, why shouldn’t a woman be allowed to sport a wig every once in a while.
Dead animal under hood of car?
Rubystreak
Never personally saw one, but I have seen both jaguar emblems above the hood and a Canadian goose between a grille.
Can I find out what type of radar / laser the police use for speed detection devices?
Mouthbreather
That’s simple. Do your best Rodney King impersonation and sneak a peek while they have you cuffed in back seat
Do identical twins who grow up apart have the same mannerisms
Wesley Clark
From personal experience I can tell you the Barbi twins make the same exact facial expressions when they’re having an orgasm
We’ve synthetic oil, why no synthetic gasoline?
Dan Turk
I’ve been wondering something similar: We have synthetic leather, why no synthetic cows?
Do other countries make non-native types of cheeses?
According to Pliny
Kraft’s making a killing doing just thta. In fact, I also saw non-imported Land-O-Lakes American Cheese slices in a Canadian supermarket
Snopes vs Firechief In 1st Reported Cellphone/Gastank Explosion - Who’s Right?
JohnBckWLD
I have a feeling it would be a little counter-productive to offer a flip answer to my own query.
Japanese surrender of WWII
drhess
Finally! I guess they found the last surviving general holed-up in some Philippine jungle.
Gas Jumps 10 Cents: Define Price Gouging?
Jinx
Around here, cigarettes cost $7 a pack and a 20 ounce bottle of Poland Spring water costs a buck ($6.40 gallon) – Why don’t you define it?
How much Catnip is too much Catnip?
FilmGeek
I think the point at which you consider laying off is when you start hacking up pubic hairballs
by FilmGeek 16 334
Can I soften a tanned pelt?
Felissa
You know you’ve been tanning in the sun way to long when you start describing your skin as hardened and pelt-like
Honda won’t start if it’s recently been running - any thoughts?
Stainz
It could have something to do with the Japanese surrender
Where did all these robins come from?
Dropzone
I couldn’t agree more. Baskin, Tim, Marty, Fred, Jake – The list is endless. Thank God there’s only one Sarandon.
Nuts
justwannano
You wanna know? 2. Anything else?
Help me understand blood types please.
CURIOUS_GEORGIE7
A, B, O and AB. But the reason I posted was to let you know you may be able to make a few dollars selling your screen name to Jinx
Are there websites that document and properly explain UFO sightings?
GuanoLad
www.bullshit.org
dark computer screen
pope_hentai
Remedies: Plug it in, turn it on, turn up the brightness or adjust the contrast
How Greeks and Romans made mosaic faces
Shewriter
They squint their eyes, stick out tongues, put their thumbs to their ears, wiggle their fingers and say ‘Neener-Neener’
Can we ask why a poster is banned?
Duffer
You can ask. The answer will usually be very specific. Something like: They broke the “Don’t be a jerk” rule
Loud Speakers on Traffic Lights
Tuckerfan
They’re a result of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Visually impaired drivers were complaining about not being able to see the signals
Do breadboxes work?
Cards
Depends how ambitious they are. I’ve seen a few hanging around out front of the unemployment office drinking OE40s.
**Origin of “I regret nothing!”
Runestar **
Having just written these responses, I can assure you I didn’t coin it.
Post #800 for me. Cheers!
**What will Humans look like 1000 years from now? **
Exactly the same, only much older.
**Math Problem ( 3 ?= 0 ) **
Wow. That is a problem.
**Gas Jumps 10 Cents: Define Price Gouging? **
What is this, Jeopardy?
**Commercial Airliners: How Close is Too Close? **
If you can read the serial number on the jet’s intake… you’re too close.
**Where did all these robins come from? **
Batman just keeps recruiting…
**How do I aim a shotgun? **
Vaguely.
**Are Catholics less prone to see a shrink? **
No, they lay down on the couch just like everyone else.
Why has Robert Novak not been subpoened?
Blalron
First Amendment Lawyers found a loophole with regards to the omission of the letter ‘A’ in subpoena.
Would a 110v Radio in a 15,000 gallon pool Kill You?
Lowblow
I conducted an experiment: Dropping a 9-volt battery into a 1,227 gallon kiddie pool. Result: not even a mild shock
Where Are The Renaissance Faires?
Czarcasm
[Klondike Kat]Renaissance Faires are Everywhere[/Klondike Kat]
EASY GQ!: How long does it take to hard-boil an egg?
Bienville
6 Minutes – But if you watch the water come to a boil on the stovetop, add 20 minutes.
Tell me , is it possible for a women to rape a man?
Starguard
Of course. How do you think these chicks get laid? Required materials: 2 Popsicle sticks, a rubber band and duct tape.
What do prostitutes do during their period?
Rjung
Operate in the ‘red’
Do sports teams have to keep paying if the player can’t play?
Plan B
Yup. It’s a contractual agreement patterned after marital law.
Why do fingernails grow faster in the summer?
AidanHarding
Dermatologists theorize it has something to do with increase Slurpee consumption
Where is the US Navy’s Nuclear Waste?
Jebert
Below a small atoll code-named Glowing Belt
If two people were drunk and had sex, are they BOTH rapists?
Incubus
According to the MacKinnon doctrine: Sex without alcohol is rape in the 2nd degree - With alcohol is 1st degree rape.
Hindenburg Engineering Question
Quasimodem
Oh Mama who cares? It’s the Blimp, It’s the Blimp! Frank it’s the Blimp
A. Because it makes the message harder to read.
Where is the US Navy’s Nuclear Waste?
On the nuclear poop deck.
What religion did the Trojans practice?
I don’t know, but they were devout. Even now, wherever you find a trojan, you’ll find someone going “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God”.
Interesting trivia: on the Jeopardy message board, you’re required to top-post.
Where does Christianity come from?
A1. Jerusalem.
A2. Heaven.
A3. Judaism.
Uh, What’s a Continental Divide?
The curtain in the middle of your Lincoln.
Antinipomancy?
Common misspelling of antipastomancy, the magic of Italian cooking.
What woman has been closest to the Presidency?
Monica Lewinsky.
**Are Muslims prohibited from eating whey? **
No whey, dude.
What do prostitutes do during their period?
They’re pretty laid-back. They just go with the flow.
Is the Hoover Dam concrete still curing?
No, but the Statue of Liberty has been known to miraculously rid a penitent of disease. Try there.
What is my religious status?
Pending.
**Uh, What’s a Continental Divide? **
the “hump” that runs down the middle of the floor of your Lincoln
**Can full bladder cause an orgasm? **
depends on what it is full of and where you stick it…
will the price of gas ever go down again?
No… when you fart people still look at you funny
**What is Kobe beef? **
He say she was willin’…
Chopsticks?
No thanks…
What do prostitutes do during their period?
ummm… ask your mom (sorry… I couldn’t help it… it’s a joke, people!)
Is my head a transmitter?
Yes. Turn a little to your right; Dallas is on.
Dog ate the TV remote, can I still use the DVD player?
Horrifying Howler Monkey
It depends how long your fingers are. Can you feel the Menu button when you stick your hand up your dog’s ass?
How Can I View the Transit of Venus?
Paul in Saudi
Purchase an annual Metrocard
Pop up blocker blocks my shopping cart
chuckster
What kind of pops were you buying? Ice cream or lolli?
Anyone use Fox Urine to ward off backyard pests? What else can be used?
Phlosphr
I used to piss on my mother-in-law’s leg whenever she came over for a BBQ – it worked like a charm
Should I Turn Off the Engine While Pumping Gas?
Jackknifed Juggernaut
Fine with me. More importantly, refrain from extinguishing your cigarettes inside the tank
"break-in" period on a new car.
Trunk
To the best of my knowledge, LoJack doesn’t have an expiration date provided you pay your bill
Psychiatrist-Comedian of the 1950s
KP
Sigmund Caesar?
What if terrorists strike again?
wisernow
After their 3rd strike, they go back to the dugout – But if a UN official is the plate umpire: they might be granted a few extra chances.
Western influence in Japanese Role Playing Games
Tabby_Cat Today
Some socialists believe bukkake has it’s roots in Vivid Video Classics
This Ike flick on A&E is setting off my BS detector. Am I wrong?
Boyo Jim
I liked Ike
How Does Molasses Kill People?
Surreal
Far too obvious, what next?
Hitler’s eventual plan
suecarina
Come out of hiding in South America and form a new Axis with Andy Kaufman and Elvis
Now that is fkng funny! Kudos.
Can somebody help me with AutoCAD?
Yes.
ironically enough, that’s a straight-up, correct answer to the GQ… I just don’t know who that person is who can help the OP…
**Should I Turn Off the Engine While Pumping Gas? **
Nah, don’t bother. The resulting explosion will probably get you where you’re going a lot quicker, anyway.
TV doesn’t like blue - damaged from move?
Well, she is an annoying cartoon dog.
why are planets round?
Bizarro #1 am dumb! Me misunderstand question imperfectly.
**Can Someone Help Me with AutoCAD? **
I prefer AutoBOUNDER, for all my computerized blackguard needs.
**How did the Germans and the Japanese get together in the first place? **
OH, those crazy kids. They were high-school sweethearts.
Is the “fixed” Hubble as good as it would have been if the lens error never happened?
Of course it is. The only difference is that now, if it gets loose, it can’t run around and make little baby telescopes.
Remember, folks, help control the satellite population. Have your satellites spayed or neutered.
How Can I View the Transit of Venus?
Paul in Saudi
Sneak up beside her and lift up her gown.
How did the Germans and the Japanese get together in the first place?
*Well, see Italy was having this big party, and Germany is really shy, and hadn’t had a date in years. . . and as for the rest it is history *
What is this? Java? Active x?
ready29003
No, its Superman!
These registry entries aren’t spyware, what are they?
Chairman Pow
They are features
Who writes spyware?
GorillaMan
umm-Spys ?
Stage make-up question: How do I gray my hair?
Sampiro
You don’t need make-up or a wig, just get married and have kids.
How are you supposed to serve whiskey?
SmackFu
JW Black & Wild Turkey: In a rocks glass…Fighting Cock and Hartley Parker: Right from the bottle.
Are Germans, Swedes, and the Dutch noticeably different from each other looks-wise?
astro
The Swedes tend to have more goose-bumps, the Dutch are usually more glassy-eyed, whilst the Germans tend to think they’re the best looking
So how much profit are the gas stations making per gallon?
Abbie Carmichael
It fluctuates based on landed cost. The one constant is the feds 20¢ and the states average 25¢ cut.
How much did it cost (in 2004 dollars) to purchase a slave in the antebellum south?
Astro
Approximately $1,000 Confederate
How Do Translators of Ancient Languages Know What Sound a Symbol Represents?
Lissa
The alien architects of the Pyramids and Stonehenge told them
Does anyone still make overalls for adults?
F. U. Shakespeare
I think Carhardt does – If you find anyone who makes Under-Roos for adults, please let me know.
**Why did my extension cord melt?
Colibri **
You probably plugged your imported 110v vibrator into a 120v outlet
Bass Guitar String Tension Question
All_That_And…
If you wanna catch more bass, I recommend using 30# test line as opposed to guitar strings
Renewable oil: is this article legit
Running with Scissors
I think one look at Bob Dole’s and Ronald Reagan’s hairstyle would answer your query
Is There Such A Thing As An ‘Inverted Penis’?
Surreal
Speaking as someone who’s been accused of having a perverted penis – My guess would be: probably
Relationship/Marriage statistics - who stays married longer?
CalH
In sociological terms, it’s the group known as the clinically insane