For the Doper Men - Blow jobs: good vs. bad

In My Humble Opinion
41

During which time you went into the bathroom and rubbed one out, right? C’mon, you can admit it.

A follow-up on the subject of deep throating: it’s not necessarily the feeling of it, although a talented… um, cocksucker can make it feel really nice. It’s more the knowledge that you’re doing something for me that is really just for me, and you care enough about me and my pleasure to put yourself into an uncomfortable position and fight back the gag reflex and ignore your eyes tearing up a bit and really work to get me down, over and over again. You’ll do all of that for me, because you want to. You voluntarily and willingly do this thing, which you’re not doing because you get anything out of it (physically), but because you want me to know that my pleasure is that important to you.

So much of it is what it’s doing to my brain vs. the physical pleasure I’m getting from it.

42

No, I didn’t. It’s safe to say that by the time it got to that, I was about as turned off as one could get.

Yes, but let’s make a distinction here. When a woman blows me to get me off, that’s very considerate. When she blows me to get herself off, that’s hot. (And far more rare.)

43

I was actually persuaded by an old Dope thread, to swallow from then on. The poster made his case from a psychological viewpoint, and it stuck.

I find that eye contact + a mouthful of wicked smile goes a long way, if it’s genuine. In fact, as mentioned, it all has to be genuine for it to be great. That goes for women too, and any kind of sex.

I’m not a guy, but just sayin’…

44

Oh yeah, I’ve had bad ones. The first girl to ever go down on me was squigged out by the idea of Mr. Happy all the way in her mouth, so she went at it … sort of … laterally, I guess you would say. Imagine sucking on a popsicle, only from the middle.

Which is really weird because she was fantastic with the intercourse! Damn!

45

GREAT thread. FANTASTIC question.

Like any behavioral change, you have to couch it in positive terms. You can’t say anything negative, even if you feel like that. You have to encourage the positive.

I’ve had great luck with a simple mantra: “You’ve been with other/some/many men before, but you’ve never been with me. Let’s take the time to learn what we both like, shall we?”

Every woman I’ve been with has been different. Duh. Some things they like, some things they don’t. Some things they think they don’t like but come to enjoy because I enjoy them, and vice versa.

It all comes down to trust. I’m not judging your technique-- I’m coaching you to be the best for me. I like lots of spit, deep throating is fun to watch but feels no different for me, I need/really enjoy lots of hand action, eye contact makes it all better, taking your time is relaxing and makes the buildup that much better, being verbal makes it better, and keeping the change at the end demonstrates how much you enjoyed making me happy.

My last GF was super hot, fantastic in bed, and sadly gave the laziest blowjobs. She thought they were good, but they were just meh. Yes, the sensation was pleasurable, she was even enthusiastic, but her technique was tailored to the last man she was with, her ex-husband. It wasn’t about me, it was about her, and what she thought was best.

Alas, we didn’t date long enough to sort this all out.

My GF now was much the same-- she came into it with a rather lackluster technique. But she took the time to learn what I liked (and, again, vice versa). Now, as far as I’m concerned, they’re the best blowjobs on Earth.

Ladies (and men), it’s not a natural talent, and it’s not one-size-fits-all. Again, as noted in this thread, the one common denominator is enthusiasm, but beyond that, it’s about paying attention to what your partner enjoys.

Oh, and one other thing: porn isn’t life, and life isn’t porn, but trust me, you can learn A LOT about how to give a great blowjob from porn. Not every actress is good, but the good ones are fantastic. Take notes, ladies.

Finally-- Omniscient? That may be the single best, most accurate post I’ve ever read on SDMB. No woman has ever gone wrong with swallowing. Although, of course, under the right circumstances spitting can be just as hot. . .

46

Depends on where she spits it. :wink:

47

Practice makes perfect. Some people are much better then others. I’m pretty good at it. Ive been will guys that are not very good. Being able to figure out what methods work better for different guys is the key. Not all guys like the same things. The guy receiving the BJ communicating what he likes is very important. If you don’t tell your partner what you like, your chances of getting a good BJ are slim.

48

Bingo!

49

Actually, I was thinking Bimbo.

There’s a curious new trend in porn lately where girls “share.”

50

Yeah. Every woman’s secret fantasy, right after “ass-to-mouth.”

51

Fortuitously, if you combine the two you get Vinyl Turnip’s open fantasy.

52

Well let me assure you, that trend has been around for a while and not just in porn, but on to the OP.

Corkboard hit the mark spot on. You’ve really gotta WANT to do it. There’s no ‘just showing up’ unless the recipient doesn’t give a damn one way or another. I’ve had bad ones and I’ve had incredible ones and the bad ones always boiled down to a lack of three distinct elements; desire, enthusiasm and skill. The penis is the center of the universe as far as men are concerned. Some, out of modesty, will say it’s not, but it has been the center of their sexual universe since the first time it got hard. Approach it from that point of view and just about every bj will be a ‘good’ one. Every guy is different, so you’ve got to try all the techniques, but a somewhat sloppy, enthusiastic and accidental-tooth-scrape-free blowjob will always put one tic in the ‘good’ column.

Swallowing is good, money shots are cool too, swapping is boss (in chief because that implies a second girl in the room which is also boss) but as someone said upthread, the end result is not and shouldn’t seem like a bio-hazard. You may not like the taste, texture, whatever. That’s cool, then moneyshot it or get him laying down and tell him how much you like to watch it happen. Imagine if when he was going down on you, just after you finished riding the orgasm wave that he stood up, went ptoo-ptoo-ptoo into a kleenex and ran into the bathroom like he had a mouth full of old cheese. Not so much.

53

Ah, yes. The ‘harmonica’. Been there.

54

For me it’s deep as possible and fast, don’t vary the rhythm too much towards the end, if you want there to be an end! Liberal use of tongue on underside of penis.

55

Now this is just plain annoying. You think it’s ok for our mouths but not yours? I dated a guy who thought like that but not for long…

And yes, I enjoy kissing a man after he’s gone down on me.

56

Yeah, I have no problem kissing a woman after that, especially because she just did that. :wink:

57

I enjoy kissing a girl after she’s gone down on me. Obviously provided she’s not attempting to share anything with me.

I have found that kissing a girl after she’s done her thing makes me seem more mature and sexy because I wasn’t afraid to.

So my male brethren, please continue to be pussies and not kiss your girls after they go down on you. I’ll treat them to my manliness afterwards. :slight_smile:

58

Ahhh, snowballing. Guys like two women with them, guys like women who swallow, let’s combine the two! It’s the fried Twinkie of porn.

Like the other poster said, there’s nothing particularly new about this, but it certainly is far more common to see it these days.

No complaints from me!

59

The way I see it, there are two reasons why guys should get over the squick factor here.

One, obviously, it’s hypocritical. Good enough for thee, not for me, etc.

Two, it’s your own stuff. It’s not like you’re getting someone else’s relish. Besides, most every guy has probably tasted it a gazillion times before (use spit as lube and you’re guaranteed to).

To be honest, I think part of the squick factor here isn’t so much a fear-of-gay thing so much as the general male biological reaction post-climax, i.e. “ten seconds ago I’d find a Sears catalog and an inflatable sheep the hottest thing on Earth, but now that it’s all over, I’m terribly ashamed. . . can we go get a pizza now?” Anything remotely off-putting at that moment in time is likely to garner a bad reax.

60

Which reminds me. A husband and wife are in bed, getting all amorous. “Honey, sorry, I’ve just got to go to the bathroom,” she says. On her way back, she trips over the door sill and falls flat on her face on the floor. “Oh my poor fwuffy bunny,” says the man. “Did your hurt your widdle nosey? Come into the beddie and let me wub it better for you.”

She returns to bed and penis ensues.

After an amazing hour of shagging, she goes back to the bathroom to clean up. On her way back to bed, she trips over the same sill. The husband rolls over and grunts:“Clumsy bitch.”