For those who don't have kids, don't want 'em

In My Humble Opinion
41

I thought that sort of went without saying. (I guess I thought so only on the basis of, if you really don’t like children raising one would not be the best environment for a child).

I would be a lousy parent. I’m totally disinterested in parent-type activities. I would hate to have to sit through a Christmas pagent. I would never want to be present at a little league game where there were even more children running around. (Yuck!)

I would end up treating a child as a miniature adult, and that is simply not the way to raise a youngster.

I would never bring a child into the world so it would be raised knowing it was simply “tolerated” rather than truly cherished. My privacy is fundamental to me and with such a needy other being in my life, I would undoubtedly resent its presence.

I am a responsible adult. I could competently raise a child as in: keep it fed, clothed, safe from harm etc. But I would not at all be a good “parent”. The very idea of that role is undescribabley unappealing to me.

Almost anyone can have a child. Yet I’ve noticed that there are far fewer who can genuinely rise to the occasion and really be a good parent. I would surely not be one of them.

42

I thought that sort of went without saying. (I guess I thought so only on the basis of, if you really don’t like children raising one would not be the best environment for a child).

I would be a lousy parent. I’m totally disinterested in parent-type activities. I would hate to have to sit through a Christmas pagent. I would never want to be present at a little league game where there were even more children running around. (Yuck!)

I would end up treating a child as a miniature adult, and that is simply not the way to raise a youngster.

I would never bring a child into the world so it would be raised knowing it was simply “tolerated” rather than truly cherished. My privacy is fundamental to me and with such a needy other being in my life, I would undoubtedly resent its presence.

I am a responsible adult. I could competently raise a child as in: keep it fed, clothed, safe from harm etc. But I would not at all be a good “parent”. The very idea of that role is undescribabley unappealing to me.

Almost anyone can have a child. Yet I’ve noticed that there are far fewer who can genuinely rise to the occasion and really be a good parent. I would surely not be one of them.

43

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Pretty much.
Do you like kids?
Not particularly.
Why don’t you want children?
Why should I?
Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Not in the slightest. What’s the worst that could happen? I’ll be lonely? Oh … no. What I realized on that point was, I’ll be alive until I’m dead. Having children isn’t going to change that.
What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Advantage: I get to live my life the way I want to.
Disadvantage: Any dental work I ever have to pay for I have to endure myself. :slight_smile:
**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people … who don’t have or want children? **
No. I think that individuals who have children look at people who don’t with a mixture of confusion and (usually subconcious) jealousy, and that causes conflict. It’s sad really. People who want to have children should just be satisfied in their own choices and let people who don’t be satisfied in theirs.

44

How on earth could you possibly know that I don’t get that joy from my pets or my spouse for that matter? I’m all for making your own decisions, but these attitudes are what bother folks who have chosen not to have kids. I personally think YOU are missing out on the purest love a creature can give by not having a Rottweiller (and I really do mean that), but you don’t see me bugging people about it.

Enjoy your life and let others enjoy theirs. Don’t worry- we’re not joy deprived. I’m thrilled that you find such peace and happiness with your youngster, but many folks find that same peace and love with their pets or spouse. It’s all a good thing, just different.

Zette

45

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

**Yes, I realized at a young age I never wanted to have kids

Do you like kids?

**I really have nothing in common with children, don’t like them nor dislike them.

Why don’t you want children?

**I’m selfish. Plus, I am basically a big kid myself. Even though I am technically an adult, I still feel like a big kid.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

**I’m 37, at this point I don’t regret it. So what if I do? I might regret not becoming a veterinarian too. That’s life.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

**Not having to go through 9 months of being pregnant. The freedom from having to look after another human, my time is my time, ditto money, toys, :slight_smile: I wouldn’t have the patience to put up with temper tantrums - no way, no how. I dislike loud noises, prolonged screaming or crying would put me over the edge.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

**I haven’t experienced it. At my old workplace people took a lot of time off to attand to their children’s needs, but I also took time off to go to vet appointments and such. It helps to have a flexible workplace.

After preview, thank-you Zette. You summed up a lot of what I feel for my pets. I am perfectly satisfied with my animals, I don’t feel I need more than them.

46

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

On some level, yes, although I didn’t consciously articulate it until I was in college. But I was never maternal - I HATED baby dolls, only baby-sat for the money (as opposed to enjoying it), and my friends were always older than me, never younger. Even as a young child, I was oriented towards adults.

Do you like kids?

I dislike babies and toddlers. As for school-age children and teenagers - I like some and not others, just as I like some adults and not others.

Why don’t you want children?

Why do you want children? In my experience, most people can give a list of reasons why they “want children” - but those aren’t the real reasons they have them. Deep inside, they just feel a strong desire for them - it’s not rational, but emotional. It’s the same way for me, but in reverse - I just DON’T have that strong desire inside me. Explaining why I don’t want kids is like trying to explain why I don’t like pistachio ice cream - I just DON’T, that’s all.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

No. And since I’m 39 now, I really doubt that my feelings will change on this matter in the future.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Advantages - my life is mine to live as I please. And since I work long hours in a demanding job, not having the responsibility of children certainly simplifies things.

Disadvantages - so much of adult society revolves around children and their needs, sometimes I can feel a bit marginalized. But that disadvantage is minimal, and will grow less as my co-worker’s kids move out, leaving their parents as “empty-nesters” who now have time to participate in non-child-related activities again.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

I’m not sure “prejudiced” is quite the right word to use, but there is a strong underlying sense in my society that “everyone grows up, gets married, and has kids”, and that those people who don’t marry or don’t procreate are “odd” and in some ways not quite adult (which is, of course, not true). And since the majority of people DO procreate, society is geared towards accomodating their needs; the needs of the non-childed aren’t always respected or acknowledged as valid.

47

Ianzin -

Just in case anyone takes that literally, I’d better point out it’s not true; to teach kids up to age 11 you need a 3-year teaching college degree, and to teach children from 11+ you need a degree in the subject you will be teaching, and a year’s intensive postgraduate teaching course.

As someone who already has a child, though she wasn’t planned, I was just reading this to see some alternate views, but now that I’ve had to post anyway, I may as well state my opinion too. As far as I’m concerned, the fewer of my friends have kids the better, because it’s hard enough organising babysitters for my daughter, let alone coordinating with their kids too! I also like my daughter having so many ‘aunties’ happy to play games with her, because unlike my parent friends, they haven’t already spent all day doing that with their own kids. Childless friends give the best Christmas presents too. :wink:

On a more serious note, I have to say that you can never underestimate the level of responsibility a child brings. Every single action you take affects not only your life, but the life of someone you love. And you are not the same person once you’ve had a child. Once your child is here, he or she is always in the back of your mind, always the first consideration, and for women at least, it’s as though part of you is separated from your body and off running around by itself. Things that don’t bother you about your own life keep you awake at night worrying about whether they might happen to your child (and I’m really a pretty relaxed parent). It’s the biggest deal outside of the back poker rooms in Las Vegas, and the stakes are higher. Don’t play unless you’re willing to risk losing all your chips.

That said, I love my daughter and also happen to think she’s a really lovely person, in my unbiassed way. I enjoy my time with her, and never regret having her, but if she hadn’t forced her way through all that contraception, I’m not sure I would ever have chosen parenthood.

48

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Me - Yes. I had a brief period for about two weeks in my mid-twenties when I thought I might possibly want a kid, but it passed.
Jim - no. On the fence for most of his life. Never considered it too much.

Do you like kids?
Me - Not really. I like them more when they get to an age when I can have a decent exchange of ideas with them.
Jim - Not really. More no than yes.

Why don’t you want children?
Me - I realize that raising children properly takes a huge commitment, and it is really hard, and I have no interest in doing this. I consider this to be a non-selfish decision; having kids and not making the necessary sacrifices for them is what is selfish.
Jim - Too much responsibility. There is absolutely nothing appealing about having kids.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Me - nope.
Jim - nope.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Main advantage:
Me - freedom. Our lives are our own.
Jim - freedom. We can watch porn whenever we want. Don’t have to bring any other victims into this rapidly degenerating society.

Disadvantages:
Me - can’t think of any. Oh, wait, one disadvantage for me is that I have less protection against reproductive cancers than women who have had babies. Also, having nothing to contribute to other people’s discussions of their kids; we just have to endure them.
Jim - can’t think of any.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (esp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
Me - I feel there is an intangible attitude of prejudice against CBC people; I get the impression that we’re considered less valid as humans because of our reproductive choice. Especially women.
Jim - absotively. Special “stork” parking spaces; not getting to get several days off work every year to take children to appointmentss/leave early to do things for the kids; stigma attached to being childless and pressure from people who have no business having an opinion on our child-status.
(tetsusaru, not to be mean, but we aren’t having a debate about whether having children was good or not; it was a question put to a specific sub-section of people about their own decisions and opinions. This really wasn’t the place for your opinion on how great having a baby is.)

49

I would just like to say that Zette is my new Queen. Brava, dear. I was too busy running around banging my head into the wall and screaming “That’s EXACTLY WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT!!!” to form any kind of coherent post.

Incidentally, I will clean up after my dogs all day long if I have to, no matter the oriface the mess comes out of. But I can’t STAND the sight of baby drool. Huh.

-BK

50

ACK! Zette, I’m afraid you’ll have to co-rule with Squish who also posted a well-turned reply. Sorry about that. :slight_smile:

51

Mom of 1 checking in.

Can I say that those of you who don’t want kids, for whatever reason, and thus don’t have them, are being pretty responsible?

Many people don’t want kids, but have them anyway, dump them on other people to raise and go out and do what they want.

I appreciate people like you who are responsible enough to not do that.

52

I’ve never wanted kids. I don’t particularly like them; they make way too much noise, break things, require too much of your time, ask stupid questions, run around screaming like a bunch of damned hooligans . . .

I just value peace and quiet too much to ever allow children a place in my life.

(Plus, I know I’d be a lousy father. :smiley: )

53

I’ve never wanted kids. I don’t particularly like them; they make way too much noise, break things, require too much of your time, ask stupid questions, run around screaming like a bunch of damned hooligans . . .

I just value peace and quiet too much to ever allow children a place in my life.

(Plus, I know I’d be a lousy father. :smiley: )

54

<curtseys deeply> Thankee kindly.

55

Do you like kids?

I like them as long as they are someone else’s, they are quiet, well-mannered, and don’t smell bad. I tire of them quickly and I have no affection for babies aside from possibly making monkey noises at them so they laugh. I do like slightly older children, but really only the more intellectual and possibly artistic ones that remind me of myself at a young age, and that actually listen to older people. I tend to get along best with 8-12 year olds.

Why don’t you want children?

Lots of reasons… My life is my artwork, I don’t want anything to distract me from my work the way that kids do; I also have a habit of leaving toxic and breakable things laying around and the thought of having to live in a child-proof environment sounds like torture. I like to travel and I don’t want to be tied to one place for the 18+ years it takes to raise a kid. I’m not willing to play the lottery with what kind of child I would get; I might not mind having an introspective, shy quiet little artist to bring up in my image, but what if I get a little pink-wearing, Barbie loving wannabe-ballerina? The kid might even like sports. Oh, the horrors. I do not want to look after, clean, or feed a baby. I do not want my figure ruined/body messed up by having one or more children. I do not want to go through pregnancy and childbirth… so much so that should I find myself pregnant, I would do anything possible to terminate it immediately. The thought of having something growing inside of me in such a way literally makes me want to vomit. I do not like even being near pregnant women or listening to people talking about it in any level of detail. I did not have the best childhood emotionally speaking, and I strongly feel that I would probably end up abusing a hypothetical baby or toddler that could not be reasoned with in a logical manner or be quiet. I like quiet. I need quiet to work. I have some kind of anxiety disorder where I’m OK most of the time, but I get very bad very quick and I don’t think I am compatible with parenting. I am reviled by the idea of some sprog sucking on my breast. The only thing that I will spawn are my paintings and ideas. My name will die with me. There can be only one. And all that.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

Absolutely not. I’ve already tried to have myself sterilized once (my insurance at the time would have covered it) and was denied by a very cruel woman OB/GYN who pretty much mocked me into the floor and refused to listen to any of my reasons for wanting the procedure because at age 20 I was obviously so clueless about what I wanted from life and was not capable of making a mature decision like that. Now I’m basically just asking my GP every year after my birthday and hoping eventually someone will cave in and do it for me.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

The main advantage is that I won’t commit suicide. I don’t see any disadvantages, unless having a constant drain on your emotional, physical, mental, and financial resources is considered a disadvantage to not having a child.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

I think slightly so, I do get the “you’ll change your mind when you’re older line,” but I usually ignore it and I don’t particularly care what anyone else thinks about it to begin with (except perhaps the mean MDs who refuse to give me my operation.)

56

[QUOTE
**

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

 I came to that realisation in college.

Do you like kids?

 Love children but not the lifetime committment

Why don’t you want children?

 Married at age 34, very set in my ways and less willing to make sacrifices vs stereotypical early 20-something who wants to do what eveyone else is doing and has "nothing to lose."

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

 Most people I know who have kids say they bring great joy to their lives.  I look more at the opportunity costs.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

 Whenever I meet somenone new she inevitably asks whether I have children.  Awkward pause followed by some smart-ass rejoinder.

Will I regret not having children?

 Most definitely.

**[/QUOTE]

One other question that probably should have been asked is whether or not the responder is married. Might be interesting to look for differences in answers between the marrieds and unmarrieds. I’d be very curious to read the responses where one spouse wants kids and the other does not.

57

Jin I’m having trouble understanding why no doctor will tie your tubes.

If you’re over 25, you shouldn’t have any problem at all. I plan on getting mine done after I’ve had all the kids I want (I want 2 more) and I’ll be raising some hell if I’m refused.

So why won’t they do it?

58

My ex and I had a daughter when I was 21, sort of as a reflex. I hadn’t ever thought about whether I wanted them or would be a good father. I did my best, but it never felt right to me. I was involved with my daughter as she grew up, and we still have a good, if distant, relationship. (I live 5 or 6000 miles from my family, and I see them all once a year, usually.)

After my divorce, I had a vasectomy right away. My reasons are similar to what many others have posted. I’m selfish–in an enlightened way, but still selfish. I also didn’t like kids that much even when I was one; I always thought they were too immature. Then again, I think most adults are immature.

When I was 5, my family began to have financial troubles. We (2 parents, 3 kids) were living in one bedroom of my grandmother’s tiny farmhouse, and I was vaguely aware that it was because we were poor. I remember thinking, even then, that if my father’s salary weren’t spent on feeding and clothing 3 unproductive freeloaders, who needed and wanted all kinds of crap that couldn’t possibly have interested him, it would probably have been plenty to take care of just my parents. Even at 5, I couldn’t stop thinking that they’d have been better off without us.

I’m glad they didn’t throw us out, of course. I have a lot of respect for good parents, but if more people would be honest with themselves about their qualifications for parenthood, I think there would be a lot fewer children in the world. And a lot fewer screwed up people, children and adults.

59

My grandmother is one of 9. Now back in the 20s it’s not like there was lots of goodies to be had, but she says she always got pissed off when she found out her mother was preggers again as they really couldn’t afford any more. (These were the days when pregnancies “just happened” heh.)

60

**Have you always known you don’t want kids? **

Me : Yep. Before I knew where babies came from, I just decided that I wasn’t going to buy any, since I didn’t want them.

Mr Goo : No. I always assumed I would, because that’s the ‘norm’. Around the age of 20-21, I sat down and talked about it (knowing that Goo didn’t want them) and realised I didn’t really want them that much, either.

**Do you like kids? **

Me : No. I really don’t like babies or toddlers. I view older children exactly as I view adults, and like them or don’t, based on their personality.

Mr Goo : I don’t object to other people’s kids, as long as it’s not for extended periods of time. Short doses is o.k.

**Why don’t you want children? **

Me : I have no desire to be a parent and I don’t like babies or toddlers.

Mr Goo : Wanting to spend the rest of my life with somebody who didn’t want them kinda forced my hand. I also like the lifestyle advantages.

**Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older? **

Me : Not at all. I see life as a series of choices. Every choice has it’s good and bad sides to it. I know I’m missing out on certain experiences, but I’m gaining with others, the same happens to those who choose to have children, they’re gaining some things and missing others. For me, the equation tips one way, for others, it tips the other way. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all felt the same way ?

Mr Goo : Nope.

**What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children? **

Me : Objectively, I can see the joy that a lot of parents get from their kids. I can see that they are happy and fulfilled. That’s just not what I want for my life.
While I know that objectively there is both advantages and disadvantages to having and not having kids, for me I can’t think of one disadvantage to not having kids, and I can’t think of one advantage of having kids. For me, remaining childfree is all advantages, in every aspect. I know the opposite is the case for a lot of people.
Mr Goo : Advantage → An excellent life spent solely with my wonderful wife. (Goo: adding that this sentence will lead to another advantage, as I thank him loudly for the compliment, on the loungeroom floor… or the kitchen bench… or the… you get the picture)
Disadvantages → Certain family members thinking that our decision is any business of theirs.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

Me : Not prejudiced as such, but I do feel that in some sectors of society it is ‘abnormal’ for a woman to not want children. Most people I have told are probably more intelligent than the average, and they have all been very supportive, though curious, and can’t understand some of the crap I’ve been given from the less sentient members of society. Most people seem to take the “it’s your life, do what you want” approach and be very accepting of differences. Others, coughmother-in-lawcough think there is something mentally or emotionally wrong with any woman who doesn’t worship babies and want lots of them.
Unlike some childfree people, I couldn’t give a whoop about tax breaks, office overtime and other issues, but this isn’t really the place to discuss that. I just wish that society as a whole was more accepting of lots of differences, not just the choice to reproduce. I have no problem with answering questions, but I think it’s hilarious how often I’ve been told “You’ll change your mind” but nobody ever seems to say that to a girl who wants children. :slight_smile: And the whole ‘selfish’ issue makes me see red, :mad: but I’d better get off my soapbox now. :slight_smile:

Mr Goo : Possibly. But I’m far too obtuse to pick up on it, :smiley: or if I did, to care what other people think of my choices and life.