Certainly the information you have now added to the mix does colour things a little differently. But I think it’s telling, that your first post, was all about her lifestyle and your need for control over things. Your second post, about her faults, while surely illustrating valid reasons for giving you pause, comes off as excuses for your wanting control. I’m not saying that’s how it is, just that’s how it sounds.
It also seemed to imply some resentment that they’ve taken her on to do this, either because you’re not doing it well enough, (and you’re a little miffed at the implication), or because it gives her a benefit that you don’t feel she deserves, (and you do sound very disapproving of someone else’s lifestyle choices, which could, indeed, be either envy or disdain).
Either way, your parents are adults and free to make their own choices, and errors. If your ‘reasons’ for having reservations were valid, and not just excuses for your controlling behaviour, I should think you’d have brought them up to your parents, in some discreet fashion, much earlier. That you didn’t feel the need then, makes it appear that you’re just trying to excuse your need to control this situation.
I’m not saying that’s how it is, just that’s how it seems from your posts. Good on you for even taking in the advice, and considering the opinions, of those of us who have offered it. We are all, I assure you, very aware that you know much more about this and all the players than we ever can.
Also my dad gets these “ideas”. Like when I was 18 and going away to university he had to go to Duluth to get me a footlocker trunk, because he decided I needed one. I didn’t particularly need or want one (although I later appreciated the trunk a lot as a coffee table in several college apartments) but a friend of his special ordered his daughter a trunk, and dad had to do the same thing. Last year it was buying a car in Winnipeg, because friends of his did the same thing, rather than do a price match with a local dealership (we are an 8 hour drive from Winnipeg and the savings were minimal and he had the exta paperwork of registering a car in Ontario.) Last summer their friends were talking about getting a house sitter because their son moved away and this person will live and pay rent in their place for the six months they are gone. My parents are away three months and Linda will only be staying 5 weeks. Dad has this weird “keeping up with the Joneses” thing, but not so much in material goods as in having this interesting story to tell. (And we could not find a footlocker for Mona at all in this city, we had to make a trip to the States to get one… yada yada…I couldn’t get all the features I wanted on my Escape locally but you should see the deal I got yada yada… )
So, yeah, this house sitting thing is one of his fads, and I know he thinks he’s doing a nice thing. Mom is used to this, and I should be, but I had no idea my friend Linda was going to be his next story.
For the record I am not disapproving of her lifestyle. Good on her for travelling, but most people don’t get it both ways. They work, and have repsonsibilities, and enjoy having their house that they pay for, and have vacations as an extra, once their bills are paid. Or they travel, and don’t have the bills and responsibilities. They don’t spend their income travelling and then moan about having no house of their own.
Or at least the people I know feel that way.
Anyway issue dead, Linda will be here soon, and I won’t have to worry about this house for five weeks.
I wasn’t going to post, and I was pretty much with you until now, but this last bit here makes it quite clear to me that you are (on some level) jealous or resentful of your friend’s lifestyle.
There really isn’t anything wrong with that though. On some level I am jealous of people who have traveled a lot more than me and seen more of the world.
Why wouldn’t you be a little jealous about that?
The problem comes in when the friend gets back from her travels and spends so much time whining and complaining. That is annoying.
Similarly, the friend would have a right to be annoyed if the OP spent all her time whining and complaining about not getting to travel enough.
I understand why you’re upset and this intrusion into a pleasant part of your routine, but neither your friend nor your parents have done anything wrong and you shouldn’t feel resentful. Give her the keys, don’t make excuses to put off showing her how things work and let it go.
I handed over the keys last Saturday. I got a lecture about not taking very good care of myself (Wow, you have really dark circles under your eyes! )and working too much. "You’re probably right, I do work a lot. I didn’t explain, she knows my circumstances. I showed her the things my parents specifically asked me to show her, and things that are unique to their house that my parents take for granted. (Live in a house for 30 years, and you forget not every house is not like yours)
Today I got a call about the dishwasher not working. Seems she hadn’t realized that it is a portable dishwasher and she needed to hook it up to the sink taps. No harm done, and we had a laugh about it, but all the same I am glad I showed her the water mains and things.
I did a lot of thinking about this, I had talked to my boyfriend who urged me to “post my complaint at that message board you are always reading.” I was determined to take the advice to heart. I find it puzzling and somewhat calculating when people seek advice and then argue against it. Again I thank dopers for their input.
In response to Incubus’s comment, yes there is a bit to what you say. Am I concerned that she has become dependant on me? Maybe but I’ve known her for 25 years, and I know the good, kind, intellegent parts of her. I also know that there is kind of a blank side of that coin that shows up at times. I am hoping we have the"on" Linda and not the “blank” one for the next few weeks.
What is this big issue with the water mains, if I may ask? I’ve lived in my house for over 52 years and am not quite certain where the water mains are, exactly, as I’ve never had to do anything with them. Are water mains a constant maintenance issue in your corner of the world?
You keep saying things round this theme - that she’s not self-sufficient and capable. But Linda apparently chucks it all in and travels the world for 6 months at a time by herself to no ill effect. I’ve done that myself a few times, and I think you underestimate the level of resoucefuness that that requires. Maybe she relaxes when she’s back in familiar surroundings, but it would be nice if you gave her credit for the courage and self-sufficiency she does have.
Ooh ooh ooh…let me guess. Dad had a friend whose house burst a pipe, while they were away and the friend’s daughter didn’t know where the water main was…so Dad has constantly reinforced to Mona Lisa where the water main is in case a pipe bursts.
Yes it is COLD here and pipes freeze in houses where people are living and where they are not. Also half the basement has a different shut-off than the rest, and that is where the washer and shower are… they were shut off completely until Linda moved in, because no one was washing or showering in the house.
As for resourcefullness, I am sure she is resourceful, and bright, when she is “on her game” Lately, I am not so sure. I’ve known her for 25 years, I known her graduating at the top of her university class, and getting fired from a job at a video store. I’ve seen her do a rock climb and seen her go home in a panic over a printer jam. So… I am not dismissing her capabilities entirely, I am however cautious.
Nope. There may be some other issues, but you did lay out good reasons to be careful. You have to respect your parents wishes, but you do not have to bend over backwards to do so.
The only mistake you made was asking in such a way that made rude comments open season.
You are a grown woman, not a teenager. Let it go. Frankly, she sounds like the stable one in your friendship.
Your parents chose to have her house sit. She has their keys and their car. Your part is done. If you’re so busy with a boyfriend, kid and a night job, why do you want this aggravation?
I think the lesson here is don’t ask people who are practically strangers unless you’re prepared for some opinions that don’t match what you want to hear, Mona.
Q: What if her parents, with the consent of the OPs parents (being well-and-fully insured and best friends with them since before the OP was conceived) are testing sitter-girl’s ability to handle a house solo in winter? You know, as maybe a precursor to sitter-girl’s parents becoming snow-birds and leaving theirs in her care for 6 out of 12?
I know, its wacky and improbable, so it couldn’t possibly be that this has nothing at all to do with the OP, right?