My never-a-dull-moment friend has now decided she wants to be a prostitute. Not the street walking kind I guess, but the “business man in the apt” kind. It took me about a half hour to realize she’s serious! She says, “I give it away for free anyway, so what the hell?” I was like :eek: She says she can make more money counting ceiling tiles for a couple hours than sitting at work all day! YIKES!
I tried to tell her about diseases and death, and she just says, “eh, big deal.” She has no family and notoriously bad relationships with men. She picks the ones that just take, take, take. Now I guess she wants to get paid first!
Does anyone have any kind of advice or anything I can say to her? I doubt she’d go to counciling. I’m really worried about her.
This time I just don’t know WHAT to do! I want to shake her and wake her up.
Give her a picture of me, and ask her if that is the kind of guy that she wants to spend time on her back with. That’ll change her mind REAL quick.
Seriously, plant a seed of doubt, and let it fester. There’s not much else that you can do, seeing all you’ve already said.
Still, one good point to make to her would be that the “customer” might decide to beat her up and leave her there broken and bleeding. It’s a dangerous world, and dangerous people live in it.
You already covered the disease aspect, but maybe she just doesn’t realise that wealthy buisnessmen can have diseases just like a john on the street. After all, she probably wouldn’t be the first prostitue that they’ve visited. Not to mention the fact that she could get pregnant.
This may sound silly, but what’s she going to do when she’s sixty? Old whores don’t exactly have a retirement fund, and in that buisness, I’ve heard that your looks go quickly. Pretty hard to find customers if you’re all skanky and strung out.
Prostitutes are miserable people, prone to heavy drug abuse, depression, suicide, etc. They are also lonely people. Who wants to marry a hooker?
It’s dangerous. Some of these guys are insane. He may seem like an okay guy, but he may be planning to cut you up into little bits. You never know.
How is she going to * feel * knowing that she sells herself and lets herself be thought of as nothing more than a piece of meat? Has she no self-esteem?
I hope she doesn’t do this. God, what a horrible life. Poor girl!
I’d suggest calling a local crisis line - they may have some ideas.
Actually, there was this talk show I was watching - I don’t remember which one unfortunately - that was trying to get kids to straighten out their lives. One of the things they did was go to a house where ex-prostitutes could go to get help. I can’t remember the city, I can’t remember the show, but when they took these girls to see what these lives were like and how tragic it was, it straightened them RIGHT up.
I want to say the name of it was Merl house or something along those lines.
She told me she’s planning to just get a couple of “generous regulars” and leave it at that. She’s basically fed up with crappy relationships and wants to “get laid and get paid.” I think basically she’s just mad at her relationship situation. She recently dumped another lying loser and is just thinking to forget all about the love aspect of anything. She hasn’t been seeing anyone as far as I know, and she’s always talking about how long it’s been since she, you know, had any that wasn’t battery-operated. I think that’s how she got this idea. She says she doesn’t want a boyfriend, that she’s sick of all the problems. Now she just wants a lover who will leave her some cash!
She usually doesn’t stick with any of her ideas for too long. I imagine if she did try this, it would be for only a couple of months. Not that that is a good thing, but I’m just saying, she’s not making a career change.
The last girl I was seeing had expressed those desires. She is quite pretty, but was abused growing up. She didn’t get therapy for that, now she has no self esteem, no concept of empathy, and basically no direction on where she’s going.
I tried to help her, to no avail, so I don’t know what to tell you other than to express your concerns and take it one step at a time.
You should tell that as long as she doesn’t mind everyone who knows her thinking that she’s a slut and a whore, to go right ahead. Ask her how she would react if you came along and told her that someone you both knew was a whore. Ask her how many people she would tell. Ask her what she would think of the girl, and then remind her that that’s what everyone would think of her.
It might not work, but give it a shot.
The last girl I was seeing had expressed those desires. She is quite pretty, but was abused growing up. She didn’t get therapy for that, now she has no self esteem, no concept of empathy, and basically no direction on where she’s going.
I tried to help her, to no avail, so I don’t know what to tell you other than to express your concerns and take it one step at a time.
The last girl I was seeing had expressed those desires. She is quite pretty, but was abused growing up. She didn’t get therapy for that, now she has no self esteem, no concept of empathy, and basically no direction on where she’s going.
I tried to help her, to no avail, so I don’t know what to tell you other than to express your concerns and take it one step at a time.
I am not sure I understand what you are trying to save her from here. Streetwalking is one thing, but you said her personal life is already pretty messed up and she gives a lot of sex away and what she is interested in is the “business man in the apt” kind of situation so I don’t know if the risks are any greater for her than when she gives sex away. I have had to pay for sex since I got divorced and the woman was very nice and the situation was not as horrible as you paint it.
And I don’t think being a prostitute means no one will marry you. Frankly I would marry a prostitute if she was willing to stop hooking. At least a prostitute gives you something. I have a very lonely life right now and about all anybody else gives me is advice that doesn’t make any difference. But at least a prostitute brings a little comfort.
Are most prostitutes unhappy? Yes.
Are all prostitutes unhappy? No.
If one is a person that doesn’t place any particular emotional weight on the act of sex itself prostitution seems to me a perfectly acceptable career choice.
If your friend is making a business decision that is one thing, but if she is doing it because she likes the attention or confuses sex for affection that is another issue.
The two issues I would bring up are practical issues.
Legality. She may be willing to risk disease, abuse, etc. But is she willing to risk going to jail? Is she willing to be humiliated if everyone she knows finds out?
She might go somewhere it is legal (various Nevada counties or certain foreign countries) or liberally tolerated (San Francisco). She probably doesn’t want to move, but may be too afraid of police to go through with it.
How to start up. Anyone can start walking the streets but it isn’t so easy to get the businessmen to call. More than anything they want discretion and they aren’t going to just call some number they saw on a bathroom wall. For a steady supply of clients and some security she will have to work for somebody. Does she have any connections?
If she is too dense to realize the good reasons not to do this, perhaps you can convince her it is not so easy as she thinks.
I think this is where her head is. I think you’ve hit it right on. She hasn’t been hanging out in bars giving it away or anything, she’s just been giving it to jerky boyfriends, basically, is what she means.
How does she plan to meet these people? Online! She’s already been doing that, though not as seriously as she is planning. I know for a fact she advertised for a sugar daddy one time. “As a joke” she said. She’s been working her way up to this, I guess, whole prostitution thing, but she did meet one guy from that sugar daddy ad, gave him a BJ, which she said she was going to do anyway for fun, and he gave her $100! She loved it. She thought that was just the greatest. She said that it was great that “she got something out of it and it was fun too.”
This is why I worry about her.
She says about this other thing, she wants someone who will have great sex with her, give her some TLC, be gone in the morning, not give her any grief, and leave a little something on the counter.
Maybe I’m being a prude here, I don’t know. It just sounds a little weird!
I hate to seem cynical here, but it looks to me like your friend has already made up her mind, now that I read more.
Determine for yourself how much you value her friendship. Either you will continue to be friends with her in her new line of work, or you won’t.
Perhaps she will change her mind, perhaps she won’t. What I would be thinking right now, were I in your position, is that she’s going to do what she’s going to do, and I don’t really care to hang out with her anymore. (wow, that was surprisingly liberating to say.)
Don’t beat yourself up over the foolish desisions others make.
Does she think that guys that pay her for sex are going to treat her better than her jerky ex? I think not. They’re going to expect to get what they pay for. Tell her to get over any inhibitions right quick, because nothing is going to be taboo.
I also doubt it’s going to be as ‘glamourous’ as she thinks. Hmmm. $100 for a blow-job? She’s going to work weekends, right? Because she’d have to do at least three a day to get herself above poverty level, four daily if she wants to hit $20,800. I hope she buys stock in Blistex.
It’s naive, I’d say.
The thing here is that your friend wants sexual affection, but she’s feeling burned by the difficulties of relationships; not that she wants to be a professional whore. She might be happier with one guy–a husband or boyfriend who can support her & fool around with her, but otherwise give her some space, even keep a separate apartment. She may really just want to be a kept woman. I don’t recommend being a married man’s mistress, though that might appeal to her; there’s such a thing as too many hearts in the happy ending machine.
But she and her boyfriend probably need to think about their relationship, instead of just their sexual technique.
Sorry to hear about your friend–it’s tough when someone you care about is going through a rough time.
I second Blue Twylight’s suggestion. Obviously she has no fear of disease or violence, and she does not mind having sex with multiple people. But she just might mind having to spend the rest of her life wondering if people think that she is a “whore.”
Whether it is right or wrong, I am leery of friendship with people who have been sex workers. I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine had worked as an “exotic” dancer. AFAIK, she was not a prostitute. But every time I see her, I involuntarily imagine of her in a thong doing a lap dance.
