‘Please explain to me the difference between “I won’t have sex with you until you make a commitment to give me half of your stuff for the rest of your life” and “Give me money for sex”.’
In the latter case, you’re selling your dignity.
…in societies where prostitution does not carry a social stigma a man using his brain to make his living, a man using his strong back to make a living and a women using her natural gifts to make her living are truly viewed as substantially the same thing. This would be a country that was never colonized and so never had that puritan ethic we all share foisted upon them.
That said, this, is not one of those places. In this place, prostitution carries a very heavy social stigma. Because of this anyone who is drawn to it as a career choice clearly has other issues with worth and self-esteem. Witness; in this country a very high proportion of sex trade workers were at one time victims of sexual abuse.
In the culture we live in any woman who would say such things is crying for help.
Just my opinion
I say
Ummm… in both cases dignity is out the window.
My $.02
Morkster
In the former, the actual arragement is “Let’s combine our stuff and share it 50/50. Any new assets either of us earn will be community property.” So any sex that occurs in a marriage can’t be paralleled to prostitution because any cash he has is actually theirs.
Oy vey! Not the “marriage is prostitution” thing again! Puh-leeze! That view went out with acid wash jeans and big hair.
Whyn’cha all read a book written after 1988, and then we’ll talk.
Saw a TV prog about 2 weeks ago on the good old beeb.
It was part of a series called The History Zone and it concentrates on the social side of things mostly, rather than all the politics, dates and kings.
Turns out that a good chunk of 18c London was built on the earnings of prostitutes who were perhaps more in control of their fates than we normally imagine them to be.
Such women could rise to very high social status especially by marrying well.There does not seem to have been as much social stigma as you might think. There was evidence of exploitation, for all that, girls had to be procured from somewhere.
This weeks prog was about Lord Nelson, turns out that Lady Hamilton was one of these women.
It appears to me that the attitude that prostitutes carry a social stigma is a self-fulfilling one as this has not always been the case.
Living in our society I would think that our social morees make it very inadvisable to take up this trade.
We could do with a look at ourselves and decide how much of this is simply recieved bias against prostitution, is it really so unacceptable or is the problem in our heads.
Many professions carry risks such as coal mining and nursing but we have ways to minimize them .The idea of selling yourself does not appear to be attractive but why?
I think everyone has overlooked something basic and intrinsic here.
Choice.
A Girl has the right to worry about her friend, and we kind of have the right to throw in our two cents worth of advice (especially as it was asked for).
However, A girl’s friend or anyone in the same position also has the right to make a choice to do this.
All we can do as friends in this situation is be supportive.
My two bits and there is alot of insightful comments here. I think your friend is severely depressed if she is considering something like this.
The advice to give up sex for awhile was a real good one. She should give up men until she learns to be happy with her self. She has to clear her head and take a step back and look at things from another …ummm…angle. If you know what I mean.
I’m not trying to be trollish here, but unless the wanna-be prostitute is particularly attractive, I would bet that to support herself she would have to have some “specialty.” This could be dangerous.
Without protection, she is in danger. a pimp is probably worse than no protection at all.
I also agree that there is nothing inherently wrong with an adult choosing to provide services (emotional, physical, or erotic), but I think that this society has set it up so that one must be pretty strong to enter the profession and leave unscathed.
I have a student who is a prostitute. She’s raising four kids (including one she adopted) and does the job to make money (lots of it) and says that some of her best friends are her clients. If we could make this a “service” instead of a crime, it wuld help those who are in it or considering it. We could also drive most of the scum (e.g. pimps) out of business, and probably recuce using prostitution (as a career move) out of desperation.
Bucky
A girl - You haven’t posted back recently. So, have you talked with your friend any further? Any success in changing her course? Or getting her into counseling? Good luck - sounds like you’ll need it. It also sounds like she needs friends like you.
Green Bean - Oi, gevalt! No, actually it’s not! Puh-leeze! Whyn’cha actually read what’s been said in all of the posts and then we’ll talk?
I was pointing out the inconsistency of these kneejerk reactions of “OMIGAWD!! NOT A PROSTITUTE!!!” considering that similar transactions commonly take place under the mantle of ‘acceptable’ dating and marrying practices. I was not commenting on the practices of marriage in general - that’s a whole 'nother kettle of fish.
AWB - No, that’s not what I said and it’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about situations where the women expects to be totally supported by her husband. She has no assets and has no plans to gain any, except from her husband. And uses sex to get her hands on that.
I’ve already said that I do NOT consider this to be true of all women nor of all marriages, but it does happen and is generally considered completely acceptable when it does. (Not even starting on the historical practices of marriage. :))
I first noticed this, um, tendency, let’s call it, in conversations with women where the transition from sneering at “loose” morals to conversations about “getting the right guy to marry you” were … jarring … to say the least. So far, I’ve yet to ask these questions and get much of an answer - usually it degenerates to huffing and snorting before they stomp off.
I’ll also point out that this “OMIGAWD! NOT THAT!!!” attitude extends far beyond actual prostitution to just about any woman engaging in any activity related to sex - exotic dancing, porn, etc., which is why I referred to ‘sex professional’ rather than ‘prostitute’ several times. And the attitude is almost that it must be catching - note all of the suggestions that A girl should dump her friend if said friend goes through with her plans.
I’ve known exotic dancers who ONLY danced, because they could make better money at that than anything else. AND they could be home with their kids during the day, rather than at night while the kids were asleep. They got this same kind of crap, too.
Here is a list of US prostitutes, well, PC, escorts then. Mighty yummy sounding too.
http://www.bigdoggie.net/national.htm