You’re most definitely wrong if what you got from my post is that I think I’m the center of the universe and that people shouldn’t care for their kids first, or that I’m some uptight, unreasonable bitch, and there also appears to be some assumption there that I am devoid of any sort of common sense. I many be many things, but I ain’t those. Yours is a cynical reading - look at it more literally and you’ll get it. You don’t know me, which is part of the problem. The other part is that things come off in writing differently than in speaking. I’ve had most of my friends for more than 20 years, through all kinds of life stages. That should speak for itself. We love each other, and all the kids are great. The point is that there are times for things, and if your mind is not on a phone conversation, that means there’s another, better, time for it. That’s not meant in a snotty or sarcastic manner. I would never be that way to my friends. I’ve NEVER lost a friend by saying I think we’d find a better time to talk. That’s not so hard to understand, is it? Or is it? Sounds to me like you might be the sensitive one - I’m sorry if someone was unreasonable or snotty to you about your kids, if you have any.
I do think, however, that it’s pretty self-centered of parents to think the whole world needs to stop because they have kids. Lots of people have kids. That doesn’t make any one set any more important than another. My husband is a teacher, and you’d be surprised how many parents think their kids’ needs come before all others. They don’t seem to care at all that there’s 25 other kids in a class with all their individual needs too. I don’t envy him his job at all. It’s hard enough for me in my job to deal with some adults who act like kids :).
OK, Featherlou, I can see how these things can be annoying–believe me they annoy people with children, too. I can sympathize with you when it comes to others making veiled remarks about your CBC choices. But dammit, did you have to go and get derogatory to those of us who are PARENTS BY CHOICE?? I HIGHLY resent the use of the term “breeders” to refer to people with kids, as much as you would resent it if someone called you a selfish barren bitch (which I am NOT doing, FTR. Not everyone wants to be a parent, just like everyone doesn’t want to be an astronaut. The choice is, and should be, ours to make. I only say this for the sake of comparison.). I am simply a bit offended at the term you chose to apply to us, as it implies that we are a farm of mindless babymakers trying to meet quota. I love my kids–all two and a half of them–and they are all wanted. If you don’t want kids, don’t have 'em. Not one thing in the world wrong with that. I respect your choice–all I ask is that you respect mine, too.
When I first read the OP my thought was, "When did my “Little Sister”[sup] tm [/sup] join the SDMB?
She too is CBC and I will do anything I can to support her. That includes showing her this post.
I assume that you are referring to this post of mine:
“Yup, you got that right. That’s why I’m whining here, instead of to them. Maybe CBC’s and breeders can’t be friends, but I’m still trying to make it work.:-)”
because I don’t think I used the term “breeder” anywhere else. You might also notice that there was a smiley face after this sentence, that indicates that the sentiments in the sentence were meant in a light-hearted, joking tone. You know, using exaggeration for humourous effect. No offense was intended.
SisterCoyote
I think you are being overly literal with my point. Plus your snipped quote makes it appear that my point was something different than intended. Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough. The objection as I see it was that throatshot
That is unfortunate, but not the host’s fault. Thanks for the rolleyes, I now have some to spare.
Three? Three? That certainly qualifies you as a master regarding baby shower etiquette. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Besides, it was never stated that the babies were uninvited.
You said:
Remember
(bolding mine)
Not impossible, just really hard. So it appears babies weren’t the sole focus. Just the percentages were swapped.
throatshot
Well, you use sarcasm as a defensive mechanism, you don’t like kids, and you are easily bored.
What I saw in your post was someone who thought the party should have gone in a different direction, and was upset that their entertainment needs were not met.
From what I could gather it appears you were the only one complaining. If that is accurate, being that it wasn’t a party for you that is just too bad.
What says they can’t? Courtesy to you?
Your reaction makes me doubt I missed the mark by much. If you feel I was just being mean, too bad, I wasn’t. As the OP said
It’s the Pit not GD.
As was already stated (I think), though you are the center of your world, you are not the center of everyone else’s. Count yourself lucky if you are the center of even one other’s world.
I wonder if the Breeders would then sue for infringment. Anyway, featherlou, my gf and I are always looking for other childless couples to hang out with. Too bad you live about a million miles away.
Dangerosa, I see what you’re saying but it’s not always easy to change the topic while talking to someone who’s completely self-involved.
Cajo: Have you seen “The One” yet? The plot was kinda weak but the action seq –
Recently Dumped Girlfriend: I thought Billy was “the one” – until he left me. He liked action movies …
Cajo: Can you recommend a reliable roofer? I got a small leak in my home office and it’s wrecking the ceiling. I had it patched last –
Pregnant Girlfriend: Ooh, that reminds me! I’m painting glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of the baby’s room. I can’t decide if navy blue is too adult for the walls but I’m going for a night sky effect.
It takes two to tango, but when one is leading and refuses to give an inch, sometimes your only choices are to follow or stop dancing.
Sure, but then you, as you say, stop dancing and move to the next person at the party. If everyone is interested in baby talk, then you are the odd person out and - well, the party is going to be a interesting as watching paint dry for you - but everyone else is talking about what they find interesting.
I was at a social event like this post Sept 11th. Everyone wanted to talk about air travel, terrorist attacks, war. I didn’t. They all had a lovely time - I didn’t. So, I made my excuses (“nice to see you all, I’ve got to get home”) and left. Their fault the party wasn’t catering to my conversational needs? - nope. Like them any less as people? - nope. I’ve been with that set of people since and they are back to discussing a wide range of topics again - they just weren’t interested in anything else at that time.
I was also recently stuck in a car for an hour with gamers who wanted to do nothing but talk about Mage Knight. I know the pain of a conversation you find uninteresting.
A really good host will be able to tell when someone is left out of a conversation, and make pains to make everyone feel comfortable. Very gracious people will manage to do this even when they aren’t the host. Alas, it is a skill horribly lacking in most people, who if they are talking about something they find interesting, won’t even bother to figure out if the person they are speaking directly to find it interesting as well - and if they are getting positive feedback from anyone at all (as happens during the baby worshipping ritual a baby shower can turn into) are completely oblivious to any negative reactions.
A crucial difference between your example and the OP is the duration of the topic of interest. Apparently featherlou’s friend wants to discuss nothing but her toddler, and from the level of featherlou’s exasperation that’s probably been the case since the tyke was gestating. If the primary topic of conversation at your friends’ parties is still 9/11 18 months from now, it will probably be getting on your nerves by then.
On a related note, this topic has opened my eyes to the fact that I’m probably a bore on the subject of my new house though my friends haven’t said anything … yet.
Well…I learned some things today:
[ul]
[li]What CBC means![/li][li]What No Kidding means![/li][li]Hi Opal![/li][li]4-letter words are not necessarily swearing![/li][/ul]
As the father of 7, yes, you do kind of get obsessed with kids; actually still kinda obsessed, but now they’re grandkids!
OK–maybe I just jumped the gun a little, there. In another thread, someone else did make this implication so I guess I’m a little sensitive. Just chalk it up to my being one of those unreasonable hormonal pregnant ladies.
We have a single, 36 year old friend. Hasn’t dated in years. Hasn’t had a girlfriend in probably 10. Computer guy. Very smart. Lives in his own hemisphere. He’s lived alone for so long that he doesn’t understand that there is an entire different world out there and he argues and debates every subject just to argue and debate every subject. It is very tiring.
We don’t want to break off the friendship with him because he is really lost in life. And when he isn’t a critical poo pooher of everything, he is very funny.
The movie " High Fidelity" is HIM. He is John Cusack’s character, only without any girlfriend or semi happy ending.
Periodically, he will call us and another friend ( we all have kids) and invite them over to his house ( a disaster to be in even without children - milk is 4 months old in the fridge to give you an idea of housekeeping) to watch some Halloween special (or whatever) on…at **Midnight **
Fer the love of Harry.
We are not 20, 25 years old anymore to flit about and live on pure energy like we did in our self absorbed, free wheelin’ days.
When I ask him, " What am I suppose to do about the Little Ujests?"
His mentality is, " They can come over."
AT midnight. Yeah. Hell, we are asleep by 10pm most nights.
Did I mention that he has a dog that I could punt to the moon just for spite? Dog has no obedience training, like his master. They are mirror images of each other.
So parents (read: MOST) are unable to talk about anything other than their children. Call me up some time, I am capable and more than willing to talk about anything under the sun. My ignorance will astound and amuse you.
