I woke up this morning feeling more at peace with the situation. Today’s conclusions are these…
- I don’t know what happened and probably never will. This could break down into:
A) My fault. Maybe something I said or did, such as what Angry said, and queered the deal.
B) Her fault. Maybe she hasn’t been dealing straight.
C) A combination of the above.
But at this point, we’re just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. If she were truly interested, she wouldn’t have let it go six weeks. Ferreting out the truth doesn’t change the fact that this one is dead in the water. Some people would counsel opening a dialog about it, but I think I resent her too much to be a good date, so there’s not much point in that.
It needs to be mentioned that in middle age, many of us are the walking wounded. It could be that she was really burned in a relationship and now she’s skittish. I don’t believe in reassuring such people because that’s a gaping pit you can never fill. And as I said, she seems to be managing me: I don’t have a way of knocking her out of that mode, nor do I have a right.
- Since why it happened can’t be known with certainty, it’s best to err on the side of conservatism and not jump to conclusions. All that remains is marching orders now.
Her latest “plan” was that we’d go out this weekend at the latest…12:00:01 AM Monday morning, I guess, is the drop dead. I think I’ll write her a brief email Sunday night stating that it’s clear this is never going to happen and I no longer wish to date her. No big accusations or anything, just a few incontrovertible facts. I don’t see the value in crossing swords with her but if she does, I’ll take that as it comes. While I’d normally feel that talking on the phone is the more “man up” solution, I think by virtue of her actions, all bets are off. Besides, I prefer being able to choose my words at leisure.
Maybe she does deserve to be taken to task on this but it doesn’t advance my cause. The downside includes reliving it, possibly losing my cool and saying some regrettable things, giving her some satisfaction by caring too much, whatever. There would be some satisfaction in putting her in her place, but I find that lasts 2-3 minutes and then I feel guilty so it isn’t worth it.
Thanks to all dopers for your input; I’ll keep you updated.