Dude, just drop it. It’s pretty blatant she’s not interested and merely stringing you along for the reasons **Shodan ** stated above.
You wouldn’t let a stranger treat you this way, why does she deserve better?
I’m voting #2.
Thing is, I don’t want to date her. She may* have some great qualities, but even if I ignored all the bullshit, where’s the future with a woman who can only manage to see me once every six weeks (and counting)?
No, this is about finessing the funeral. No doubt, there’s a part of me that wants to put her in her place because I feel stupid. I don’t know; I have a couple days more to figure it out.
*may have=again, she’s a manager. I don’t want to start a shitstorm here, because I’m sure there are some decent managers out there and in this forum. But in some cases, at least, I think semantically, it could be argued that “sociopath” is an apt synonym.
- They have to represent the best interests of their companies and themselves.
- If they can get the better of you, you’re toast.
- Money is what counts, not people.
- They’ll gladhand anybody if it means making a sale.
- There’s a general veneer of decency that hides the real motivations.
Etc. It’s really a question of where they draw the line, ethically. I’ll admit, when I discovered that she was in business, a major red flag went up.
It’s good - very good - that you realize you don’t want to date Ms. “Maybe I Will Get Around to Your Feelings Next Week, But This Week Doesn’t Look Good”. If you stuck around for the crumbs from her table, that would be a sign of masochism.
If it makes you feel better to tell her why you don’t like her treatment of you, go ahead. But I wouldn’t expect it to change anything besides your feelings. If she isn’t going to change her priorities in order to date you, she isn’t going to change them after you “break up”. And double especially don’t believe her if she tells you she really, truly will show up for a date next Friday at 7:00pm.
If you have to dump someone just to get them to date you, it isn’t really worth the effort, IMO and IYSYIM.
Besides, if my assumptions about your age are correct, you should be a rather hot commodity in the dating world. You’re single, you have a job, you seem rather more articulate than the average, and you are learning not to be a doormat. Once you build up a bit more confidence and a bit thicker skin, you will be beating them off with a croquet mallet.
My uncle was almost eighty when my aunt died. Within three weeks of the funeral, he had two women proposition him, and both were more than a bit younger than he.
Regards,
Shodan
Thanks. Early on, the big head does the thinking.
I’ve never understood sooo much of the psychology involved in dating. Many times I’d do the right thing if I knew what it was—stay and compete or leave, play hard to get, what? But in this case the prize isn’t worth having, so that simplifies matters greatly.
It’s all about the parting shot, I think. No need to be ugly about it, of course.
Draft #3:
Riiiiing.
Me: Hello?
Her: Hi, how are you?
Me: Oh…I’m…great. Just great.
Her: Really? What’s up?
Me: Well I…met a great woman.
Her: Really?
Me: Yeah, she is something. Very pretty and kind…funny as hell. Wow. Hey, I better not jinx it right? I mean, she isn’t perfect.
Her: How so?
Me: Well, she’s only 25. I mean, I’m old enough to be her father. But she’s extremely mature for her age and she says my age doesn’t bother her a bit. I guess…well this is hard to say, but: do you mind if you and I stop talking? I mean, Samantha and I haven’t been dating that long but uhh…well let’s just say it got very serious on the first date. Sometimes it’s just right; it just clicks.
Anyway I’d feel funny talking to you and I hope you understand. Gotta go…she’s waving the bottle of Wesson oil in front of me…tonight we’re playing “Mr. Johnson goes to the circus!”
(etc.)
OK, that last bit was a little over the top.
Let it go. Really. It was one date, with a follow up non-date. Don’t return her texts, don’t call her, don’t take her calls. Your scenarios make you come across creepy, which I don’t think you are. You seem to be more emotionally invovled in her than she is in you.
It’s just that the senselessness of it bugs me. Why didn’t she just let it go? I already had. I mean, okay, she lied to me and then bailed, fine, whatever. Why come back for another round? :mad: :smack: :dubious: 
Who cares what her reasons are? Just let it go.
Fantasizing about crushing her under your heel and making her feel like she’s missed out on something great is normal, but you’re spending way too much time on it. You really believe she’s thinking about you half as much as you are her?
Maybe she just can’t figure out a way to say let’s just be friends or I’m not interested. She seems to be very busy with work, so maybe that’s what she’s focusing on and doesn’t want relationship stress added to it (whether she knows she’s doing that or not). There could be myriad of reasons. Either way, by her constantly putting off the next date at every interval, she’s put the ball in your court.
I’d bet the next time you spoke to her, after she brings it up, just say, ‘I can’t do it Saturday, I already have a date,’ you’ll never hear from her again.
But you haven’t let it go. Letting it go means you really could care less if you ever talked to her again. Instead you want to get the last word in on her in this ‘relationship.’
So, let it go. Don’t call her, don’t e-mail her, don’t take her calls. And if you run into her around town, be polite, but don’t be interested/interesting.
She hasn’t given you any reason to waste any more of your time on her, so, don’t waste any more of your time on her.
It’s hard, but it’s the truth. It doesn’t matter what her motivations are, what her feelings are, what her intentions are: she’s simply not connecting to you the way you want her to. That’s all you need to know to know there’s nothing there worth this much anguish.
She’s just not that into you. Cry into your beer and move on.
There’s “getting closure”, and then there’s acting like George from the “jerk store” episode of Seinfeld. If you actually did get a chance to tell her off or try to make her feel bad about this, the odds are it would not go as well as you had imagined it would, and you’ve wasted all this energy on something that doesn’t really matter.
Continuing to expend thought and emotions on someone who has already rejected you is liek throwing good money after bad. Take that creative energy you’re putting into new drafts of your comeback and use it instead to revise your personal ad or something like that. 
I agree that you should really, truly let it go. All those emails are just attempts to get her to feel bad about not coming through on the promised follow up date. You are way too emotionally involved in this after just 1 1/2 dates. You barely know the woman.
Just walk away. Take a deep breath and walk away.
I’m thinking she’s pretty pathetic–what adult woman cannot just tell a guy she’s not interested? That’s what it sounds like to me now–OR she’s doing a mindfuck on you. Either way, Shodan is right–she either doesn’t deserve the email/letter (that’s making way too much of this) or it plays right into her hands. I bet if you wait for her to make the next move, you’ll never hear from her again. For some insane reason, some people think giving others a definite maybe is nicer than a NO. It’s not.
About two weeks ago, when the text came, I told my sisters about it. My inclination was not to reply. Both of them thought that I should, so I did (after waiting 4 days, hoping to drive home a point).
Hear me, my fellow dopers: I’m okay with her not being into me. I swear, upon all that I hold dear, that if this plays out as we expect—no date before Monday—that I am finished with her. Honestly, if she called for a date tonight I’d be nervous because I don’t know if I could be pleasant or not.
What really chaps my ass is the fact that she didn’t just let it go when she had the chance. As Eleanor points out, it’s pretty lame to be 55 years old and not be able to say, simply, “No thank you” or whatever. But fine…an ending was accomplished without it…until she wouldn’t leave it alone. So it’s like, “Hey, thanks for ripping open the scab!”
Eleanor, I’d like to believe you’re right—that if I don’t make a move, that will be that. But I’d take the bet that you’re wrong. The reasons Shodan listed, well, none of them are a mature way to act but all of them may be correct. There has to be some kind of payoff for her or else she wouldn’t do it.
I promise to follow an honor code on this (cyber pinky swear). As I said, I know we’ll cross paths this weekend at a function. After that, wait two weeks…I predict that she will, without provocation from me, contact me, on or before August 17.
All I know is, that email sounds like one that would end up all over the web following the proud tradition of That Guy who wrote the “Sorry, I’ve dated 500 women in the last month and have no time to try a second date with you” email, except at the other end of the spectrum, so I’m glad you didn’t send it.
Don’t send the email. It makes you look like you care, and why would you want her to think you give a shit? Don’t answer her emails or texts - I wouldn’t normally say something like that but you don’t owe her an explanation or any more of your time - and if she catches you on the phone wait til she suggests something date-like, then say something simple and direct like, ‘Oh, it’s OK.’ She’ll ask why, you say ‘Sorry, it’s just that you seem really busy at the minute and I just think there’s no point in either of us starting something.’ Regretful but firm. You have no reason to be nice to her, but think of the moral high ground you gain by being perfectly polite. 
Good grief. By the time things get this complicated, it’s just not worth the effort. I think I’d go with not responding to any casual inquiries from her, and I sure wouldn’t bring it up if you run into her this weekend. If by chance, she ever gets around to actually asking you out, a simple “Thanks, but I’m not interested anymore,” seems sufficient. If she turns it into some kind of big deal at that point, then she’s nuts and you don’t really owe her any explanations.
So is there anybody else you know who you could ask out on a date? Or could you just make plans to do something fun on your own or with friends until this is out of your system? And is there any chance you’re obsessing about this not because of the current situation, but because of baggage from a previous relationship? If so, maybe that’s worth exploring, rather than trying to work on this non-relationship with someone you went out with a couple of times.
Don’t give her until Monday. Set up plans NOW for this weekend. And then write her off.
As I see it, you’re already placing yourself at the mercy of her whims. That’s never a good thing.
You had what, two dates with her? That’s not a relationship. You owe her zilch.
Hang out with friends this weekend. You’ll feel better for it.
I can’t believe I’m the only one who thinks it wouldn’t be terrible to explain to her, if she continues to show an interest, where she went wrong. Maybe she is just swamped with work and a scatterbrain who is overscheduled. I really don’t think she’s playing some long con to mess with your mind. And I don’t think you are obsessing, either.
@Lavender: No, nobody else I’d really like to go out with at the moment.
@Scuba: I’ll probably go out with some friends for dinner Saturday night. After, they like to go dancing—me not so much. I can find things to do but don’t feel compelled to do them.
@kitten: My sisters would probably agree with you. This morning, I emailed one of them that nothing has happened, that as of Monday it’s over etc. She replied:
Well, it’s puzzling to me because there does seem to be at least a little interest on her part. But, put it back on her, if anything happens in the future she’ll have to be the one to make it happen
So I guess she doesn’t even think I should discontinue the conversation. I disagree.