[QUOTE=Dinsdale]
As far as responses go, I think hers sounds pretty darned proportionate.
[/QUOTE]
Especially since since this organization that she rabidly disagrees with has her name and likely has her address or something too. My grandparents give to religious charities; they keep their donor information real secret :rolleyes: . They now receive solicitations from more charities than I’ve ever heard of. That alone would piss me off.
For those saying it’s childish and petty revenge, look at it this way: maybe it will finally clue said relatives in to the fact that their actions are NOT welcome.
Besides, these are people who disowned their son because he was gay, and freaked out because another son wasn’t marrying in the church (or because his spouse wasn’t Catholic).
They don’t sound like very decent people to me.
Indygrrl, that was brilliant.
Hey, they were honoring you with a donation in your name to a charity they care about and you did the same for them. One good turn always deserves another. It seems they have been doing this for a long time, how could you continue to accept credit for all those wonderful charitable donations without feeling the need to return the favor? 
Man, this is a great thread. Some crazy religious person can now be seen as a pro-choicer, some crazy non-religious person can be seen as all about God.
Plus I learned about this thing called “spicy jelly”, was told what to eat it with (even the flavour of cream cheese which I was about to ask!), plus this “chotchke” thing, which is apparently a jewish easter thing? Which of course confuses me more.
As an added bonus I think I get to say this again:
Damn God-botherers!
Lousy Hand-Stabbers!
I just want to say thanks to you all.
[QUOTE=faithfool]
But, just out of curiosity, are you admantly anti-ugly chotchkes? Do you make it known to your mother-in-law that receiving them goes against your personal beliefs? Have you repeatedly asked her not to give you ugly chotchkes?
[/quote]
And I would want to make her feel bad about stuff she likes because…
When someone gives you a gift, when is it appropriate to tell them their gifts suck and you don’t want them anymore? It’s a slight inconvenience on my part, and it’s good manners to show appreciation for gifts, even if they’re not actually something you want. (edited to add, I show appreciation for my MIL’s gifts, Indygrrl is under no requirement to do the same for her GPsIL)
I only brought it up because Indygrrl has even less invested in this than I do, she can just chuck the offensive cards in the garbage and go on with her life. Instead she’s investing hours of her life thinking up revenge gifts, posting here, and giving herself an ulcer over something that shouldn’t even merit a second thought.
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
And I would want to make her feel bad about stuff she likes because…
When someone gives you a gift, when is it appropriate to tell them their gifts suck and you don’t want them anymore? It’s a slight inconvenience on my part, and it’s good manners to show appreciation for gifts, even if they’re not actually something you want.
I only brought it up because Indygrrl has even less invested in this than I do, she can just chuck the offensive cards in the garbage and go on with her life. Instead she’s investing hours of her life thinking up revenge gifts, posting here, and giving herself an ulcer over something that shouldn’t even merit a second thought.
[/QUOTE]
My point was, that getting lousy/cheap/whatever presents is not even remotely (at least in my world) the same as intruding upon a cherished belief (or lack there of) system. Sure, no need to make anyone feel bad about something trivial, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. I certainly feel that it would fall under a close enough category for someone who has disowned a gay son. [ ::: shrug ::: ] Also, it appears that just “chucking” the stuff is exactly what has been happening until now. Finally, I’ve never understood the stance you represent there at the end… do you really think anyone is investing very much time at all in posting here? And to note the smilie face at the end of the original post, I’d think an ulcer is not the outcome. Second thoughts are in the eye of the bequeathed. 
[QUOTE=Weirddave]
No, what’s stupid is comparing a gift given to a charity in your name to a physical assault.
[/QUOTE]
Okay, then, what she should have done instead is to send a letter to her in-laws’ charity, cc-ing the in-laws, stating: “We were not consulted on this donation and we neither agreed with then nor accept now the support in our name. Please forward us the money they sent you so we can donate it to a charity of our choice.”
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
Or, she’s just a miserable, childish bitch who was having a bad day, and wanted to be pissed off about something.
[/quote]
Or, maybe her grandparents-in-law are dicks who sit around thinking of petty ways they can stick it to their heathen relatives. They’re willing to disown their own flesh and blood because they had the temerity to marry someone who doesn’t share their faith. This indicates, to me, that they’re more than willing to use their beliefs as a weapon against their own family, and gives weight to Indygrrl’s interpretation of the intent behind this “gift.”
Using a charity as a way of delivering a backhand slap at your family is indeed pretty low.
The difference, of course, is that you have no reason to think that your MIL is sending you ugly crap to deliberatly piss you off. Indygrrl appears to have a reasonable suspicion, based on their prior behavior, that her grandparents intended this gift as a passive-aggressive stab at her for holding different religious beliefs than they do.
That appears to be precisely what she’s doing. Ignoring a source of irritation is not “dealing with it.” Dealing with something means taking active steps to prevent it from occuring again. You aren’t “dealing with” your MIL ugly tchotchke by ignoring them, you’ve just decided that your relationship with your MIL is more important than dealing with the tchotchke problem. Indygrrl does not place as much importance on her relationship with her grandparents-in-law (who sound like thoroughly disagreeable people, regardless of any charity donations they may have made in someone else’s name) as much as you value your relationship with your MIL, and seems far more put out by the unwanted gifts she gets from her inlaws than you do with the gifts you get from yours. So she’s dealing with it, in a manner that strikes me as both creative and likely to achieve the desired results.
When the gift is given to make someone feel worse about themselves, and not better, of course. Which Indygrrl seems to believe to be the case with the gift her grandparents gave her. I don’t have any particular reason to believe she’s wrong about what sort of people her grandparents are. Do you?
[QUOTE=IndygrrlI went in the bathroom and was sitting there opening the mail when I see this handwritten envelope that’s sticking out. I open it to find a card from his grandparents that says “Hallelujah!” on the front of it and some over-the-top religious bullshit on the inside. Then it says a donation has been made in OUR NAME to Trinity Missionary. Happy Easter, it said. This is the second such card we’ve gotten in two months, the other one was a huge bday card to me from his parents that had about 50 religious psalms on it. They are fucking crazy.
I was livid. First off, I’ll tell you that his family is UBER-Catholic and like to rub it in anyone’s face that they can. My husband has tried to made it clear that we don’t believe in their lunatic Catholic bullshit. And that while we do respect their beliefs (well, I don’t, but they don’t have to know that) we do not want to hear about it.
[/QUOTE]
The only thing that can compare in terms of annoying bitchitude to an in-your-face fanatical religious nut is an in-your-face fanatical athiest nut.
You wear it well. Nut.
The only thing I see from Indygrrl on their motivations is that they’re crazy religious and don’t take “no” for an answer. Big surprise. They’re not coming by and trying to convert her children, they’re sending cards.
They can’t make her read the card, or even open the card, so if she REALLY doesn’t want these cards, she can just throw them out unopened, like so much junk mail. Their religious crap can’t affect her home unless she chooses to open it and read it.
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
The only thing I see from Indygrrl on their motivations is that they’re crazy religious and don’t take “no” for an answer. Big surprise. They’re not coming by and trying to convert her children, they’re sending cards.
[/QUOTE]
And disowning family members left and right. Which is the sort of thing that puts people into the “First Class Scum” section in my moral seating chart. The fact that Indygrrl is willing to have any kind of contact with them at all casts her in a good light. I can hardly fault her for wanting to set terms on the nature of that contact.
Of course, the other part of the problem that you’ve steadfastly ignored, is that their choice of gift is likely to open them up to a vast increase in the amount of junk mail they receive, and the number of solicitors they receive calls from over the phone. Neither of which is going to be affected by her refusal to open mail from her grandparents.
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
The only thing I see from Indygrrl on their motivations is that they’re crazy religious and don’t take “no” for an answer. Big surprise. They’re not coming by and trying to convert her children, they’re sending cards.
They can’t make her read the card, or even open the card, so if she REALLY doesn’t want these cards, she can just throw them out unopened, like so much junk mail. Their religious crap can’t affect her home unless she chooses to open it and read it.
[/QUOTE]
This is way beyond a card. It’s a statement that Indygrrl supports their religious cause, and she doesn’t. It also means other annoying mail will start coming to her, most likely begging for more money that she does not want to share with them. It was a blatant statement that the G’parents not only didn’t respect her opinion on the matter, but that they were willing to lie to others about her opinion in some sort of bizarre demonstration of a strength in numbers mindset. It’s actually kinda creepy.
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
The only thing I see from Indygrrl on their motivations is that they’re crazy religious and don’t take “no” for an answer. Big surprise. They’re not coming by and trying to convert her children, they’re sending cards.
They can’t make her read the card, or even open the card, so if she REALLY doesn’t want these cards, she can just throw them out unopened, like so much junk mail. Their religious crap can’t affect her home unless she chooses to open it and read it.
[/QUOTE]
But Indygrrl wants everybody to know she’s a rebel!
Besides, she was pissed because her hubby was arguing with his first ex-wife.
Holy shit.
I agree w/WeirdDave. From the OP, these are folks who live far away, sounds like the extent of the ‘relationship’ is that they’re hubby’s grandparents and send cards for occasions, such as their religious holidays, birthdays and the like. They don’t send gifts, but make a donation in the person’s name.
and that’s ’ forcing you to deal w/their religion ’ ?
I’m not religious. At all. I’ve got relatives who are, friends who are, business associates who are. Sometimes I get cards dripping w/religious sentiment. I had friends who offered prayers for my dad when he was dying, and even one who put my cat’s name in her church’s prayer list when he was sick recently (cat has a people name). They all know I’m not particularly religious. I’ve always thanked them for their support. I’ve even sat silently through prayers/grace in business meetings and social gatherings. Hell, I’ve even walked into a church or two when people got married there or had funerals there.
Now, if they were over every week insisiting on me joining in on prayer, wanted to ‘witness’ with me, asked me all the time why I didn’t believe and so on, that would be cause for complaint.
as for the ‘donation in their name’, I suspect that they make one single donation, list a bunch of people’s names. I rather doubt that : a. the OP is the only person on their list that they make donations in name of, and b. that they make seperate checks out for each person.
If (and this is a big “if” as well, since unless this is the first time a donation was made in their name, and the OP fails to mention that fact, or if it’s NOT the first time and they’re inundated w/crap from the charity because of it, and the OP fails to mention that it’s happening), If, the charity starts chasing the OP down for $$, that’s another deal. But I’ve had many various donations made in my name over the years, don’t recall any such stuff happening (the person writing the check is far more likely to be chased down). And if the charity starts screwing w/you then there’s recourse (at one point, my ex-husband’s church starting writing to “mr and mrs. ex husbands name” at MY address - where he’d never lived by the way, 'cause they got my address from my minor child. I went through all the proper channels to get them to stop sending crap to my house, they ignored it until they got the letter from the Attorney General’s office telling them they had to).
But, spiteful deeds rarely get approval from me.
[QUOTE=wring]
Holy shit.
I agree w/WeirdDave.
[/QUOTE]
I’m scared. Hold me. 
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
The only thing I see from Indygrrl on their motivations is that they’re crazy religious and don’t take “no” for an answer. Big surprise. They’re not coming by and trying to convert her children, they’re sending cards.
They can’t make her read the card, or even open the card, so if she REALLY doesn’t want these cards, she can just throw them out unopened, like so much junk mail. Their religious crap can’t affect her home unless she chooses to open it and read it.
[/QUOTE]
Just because “principle of the thing” means nothing to you does not give you the right to criticize someone who’s had their principles compromised, no matter how well-meaning the gesture. The card came to her house ; ergo, this religious group now has her address. If you were a butcher, would you want to be on PETA’s mailing list? If you were Jewish, would you want to be on Aryan Nation’s list?
“Oh, it’s just a religious group.” Indygrrl has every right to not have contact with any faith-based organization; indeed, she and her SO have told the people in question as much; they are either unable or unwilling to understand that. Her response was appropriate, and darn clever to boot.
My late father was Catholic and pro-life. He had every right to his beliefs; however, had he donated money in my name to a pro-life group, I doubt my reaction would have been as calm and calculated as Indygrrl 's.
Ignoring a problem does not make it go away, nor can it be construed as “dealing with it”.
[QUOTE=Weirddave]
I’m scared. Hold me.
[/QUOTE]
ewwwwwwwwwww.
[QUOTE=Weirddave]
I also think that the rest of y’all falling all over yourselves to congratulate Indygrrl on her petulant and spiteful act are doing so only because of your dislike for religion. If the causes were reversed, and the in-laws had made a donation to Planned Parenthood and Indy was irate because she’s a fundy and doesn’t believe in choice, so she donated money to the 700 Club in retaliation, I doubt she would get one attaboy here. I have no love of religion, indeed, I generally despise formal religions, but I also try very hard not to let my personal bias blind me to hypocrisy and cause me to forget common courtesy.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think so and definitely not in my case. If someone donated in my name to The Committee to Elect Some Random Republican I’d be just as ticked. Or, if they donated to the NRA, or some anti-Choice org, or any other charity that doesn’t jibe with my personal values or beliefs.
If it’s someone who doesn’t know, that’s fine, I say thanks and let it go. If it’s a family member, I will say thanks and gently remind them. If it’s repeated over and over, like it has been to Indygrrl, well, I think she has shown remarkable restraint and used a very clever way to (hopefully) drive her point home.
[QUOTE=shamrock227]
If it’s someone who doesn’t know, that’s fine, I say thanks and let it go. If it’s a family member, I will say thanks and gently remind them. If it’s repeated over and over, like it has been to Indygrrl, well, I think she has shown remarkable restraint and used a very clever way to (hopefully) drive her point home.
[/QUOTE]
From the OP, she’s gotten cards twice in the last couple months and this is the first donation.
again, from my experience, especially if it’s merely a notation in a card they sent, the charity involved will only have their names, and no way of contacting. what the OP did, however, is gave the charity contact information for her inlaws, so the probabiltiy is that they will get inundated while the OP probably won’t.
I just couldn’t resist the urge to run this very scenario past my mother, except in reverse. I asked her how she’d like to have someone donate money in her name to a (since these things she is diametrically opposed to) gay rights organization or Planned Parenthood. She said that not only would she be pissed (hmph – couldn’t have seen that coming), she would contact the group to tell them so. I’m not sure how that would work, but there ya go and I simply knew everyone was dying that I share.
Oh, and I do think we need some more clarification from the OP on a few things. Help us out please, before we all drown each other with money to charities we don’t like.