Fuck you, in-laws, and take your religious bullshit with you......

The BBQ Pit
81

[QUOTE=Indygrrl]
…so yesterday afternoon I was in a mood. It was cold outside, I was just in a generally pissed off mood and it didn’t help when my husband got home and got on the phone and started arguing with his ex-wife.

I went in the bathroom and was sitting there opening the mail when I see this handwritten envelope that’s sticking out. I open it to find a card from his grandparents that says “Hallelujah!” on the front of it and some over-the-top religious bullshit on the inside. Then it says a donation has been made in OUR NAME to Trinity Missionary. Happy Easter, it said. This is the second such card we’ve gotten in two months, the other one was a huge bday card to me from his parents that had about 50 religious psalms on it. They are fucking crazy.

I was livid. First off, I’ll tell you that his family is UBER-Catholic and like to rub it in anyone’s face that they can. My husband has tried to made it clear that we don’t believe in their lunatic Catholic bullshit. And that while we do respect their beliefs (well, I don’t, but they don’t have to know that) we do not want to hear about it.

So, I sat there and thought…what could I do to send the message that we don’t want our name put on any lists, and we don’t want religious bullshit sent to us EVER AGAIN?

I went and googled “Pro-choice charity” and this came up: http://www.charitynavigator.org/inde...orgid/4151.htm

Perfect. I entered in a donation of $20 and it asked me how I’d like that money spent. Well, that was an easy one. I wrote “To help women enter abortion clinics without being accosted by the religious right.” Click. And then it let me check a box and write in the names of the people I’d like to have this donation credited to. Click and write. And then it let me send an e-card to THANK them for their generous donation and to let them know that someone made a donation on their behalf.

I added to it: “Happy Springtime! Your card inspired me to give back in the same way that you gave to us. Isn’t it wonderful when we can help others? love, Indgrrl and Indyguy” Click.

Tralalalalalalalala… … :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

You’re married?

82

[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
I only brought it up because Indygrrl has even less invested in this than I do, she can just chuck the offensive cards in the garbage and go on with her life. Instead she’s investing hours of her life thinking up revenge gifts, posting here, and giving herself an ulcer over something that shouldn’t even merit a second thought.
[/QUOTE]

Actually, I’ve chucked bunches of cards from his family over the past four years. I’ve laughed most of them off, saying to him, “I wonder when they’ll realize we aren’t into this shit?” If it wasn’t clear after our entirely secular wedding (which his grandparents did not attend) then I don’t know when it would become clear.

I laughed off the bday card with a roll of the eyes and a toss into the recycle bin. However, when you start putting my name on charity lists for causes I am against it becomes more than just a little annoyance.

I’ve sat uncomfortably at his family’s occasional dinners because they have a statue of a very bloody Jesus in their dining room. It’s freaking creepy and kind of gory, actually. Every book, magazine, wall plaque, “art,” decoration, etc. all have to do with the Catholic church. I’ve never said anything about it, but I’m not exactly chomping at the bit to go over there. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. These are people who only see each other twice a year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They don’t have relationships with each other like my family does, and yeah, that’s odd to me. But there again, I’ve always been polite and played along when I have to go over there.

It took about 10 min. to make the donation, not hours. I have spent hours listening to stories from my husband of being treated like crap from his dad’s side of the family for the better part of his life. I’ve listened to his stories of growing up going to Catholic school and being dragged to church even after he was old enough to decide the religion wasn’t for him. I’ve listened to his stories of getting lectures from his dad over this topic for his entire life, including past the age of 18 when they stopped supporting him financially.

I feel bad for him because my family isn’t like that. My grandma (who is sweet and lovable) might send me a “God Bless” card now and then and I pin them up on the fridge because she’s never ever been over-the-top about it and really does send cards out of love. I also see her a couple of times a month and have a real relationship with her. I bow my head out of consideration when she wants to pray over a meal. That’s because I respect her and there’s no reason to make a big deal over it because she’s never tried to convert me or force me to be a part of her church. But then, she’s a Quaker and they’re pretty mellow so far as Xtians go.

My husband hasn’t even seen his grandparents in years. They don’t celebrate holidays together, they didn’t come to our wedding, they generally don’t have any involvement at all except to send the occasional card. There’s no love lost between him and them. He’s made his stand known, and they’ve pretended like he hasn’t. They now pretend his brother isn’t gay. These aren’t nice people, they’re assholes. I know this from story after story of things that happened not only to my husband, but to his father when he was a kid. Not all old people are sweet and lovable like my granny. I always knew this, but his family really drove the point on home.

And, funny enough, I’m not an atheist. I’m agnostic. My spiritual beliefs are my own personal, private issue, and I don’t talk to anyone about them because I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what I believe. I wish more Xtians could keep it to themselves as well, alas, that will never happen.

83

[QUOTE=Bridget Burke]
But Indygrrl wants everybody to know she’s a rebel!

Besides, she was pissed because her hubby was arguing with his first ex-wife.
[/QUOTE]

I couldn’t care less if he’s arguing with her (it was in regard to their children and the only thing about it that ruffles my feathers is the way she treats her kids), but it isn’t the most pleasant thing to come home to. That’s why I was in the bathroom reading the mail.

Btw, everybody already knows I’m a rebel. I’ve been posting here for some time. :wink:

84

The disconnect I see here is the motivation of the grandparents. Was their intention malevolent or benign? If the former; her response was appropriate. If they meant no harm or insult, then Weirddave has a point.

It seems to be common where I live; people use religion to divide, not unite. The families I’m related to disassociate themselves from each other over percieved peity.

85

I’m kind of stuck between flashing Indy a thumbsup and say “Don’t blame you one bit, girl!” and muttering that spiteful action is bad for the… well, soul. Heart. Psyche. Not conducive to mental well-being.

The more they piss you off, see, the more they win. Think: are you really concerned with their opinion, with what they do? No? Then don’t be. Unless this actually brings people to harass you with begging letters and phone calls, don’t let it trouble you. I know they’ve done dreadful things to your SO and his brother, but don’t let yourself be their victim. You can’t make them be reasonable, you can’t make them be rational, you can’t make them be nice. Just make them irrelevant. That way, they have no power over you.

I would almost wonder if there’s a charity you could both agree upon, some common ground you could find. I realize you probably aren’t interested in finding it, but even so. Peace is usually better than conflict.

86

[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja]
I’m kind of stuck between flashing Indy a thumbsup and say “Don’t blame you one bit, girl!” and muttering that spiteful action is bad for the… well, soul. Heart. Psyche. Not conducive to mental well-being.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I felt it was a little negative when I reflected on it today. But, these aren’t people I plan to ever hava relationship with. You’re right, I don’t care what they think, but I do care that they put my name on some Catholic charity list. That shit has to stop now, and this was the most effective way I could think to end it.

My husband and I have decided that if they want to continue with this shit that we will just leave their cards unopened. It’s not worth our energy to fight it. But this one time I did fight it and I stand by doing that. I probably won’t do it again, but at least now they know I’m not afraid to make a statement.

87

[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja]
The more they piss you off, see, the more they win.
[/QUOTE]
Ah, but if she can piss them off in return, then there is balance.

88

[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
Or, she’s just a miserable, childish bitch who was having a bad day, and wanted to be pissed off about something.

OMG, those evil grandparents sent me… a BIRTHDAY CARD! A card that expressed their personal beliefs, how could they do such a thing!
[/QUOTE]

OMG DID THEY SPELL THE NAME RIGHT?

89

[QUOTE=BayleDomon]
Ah, but if she can piss them off in return, then there is balance.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but Anger leads to Hate, and we all know what Hate leads to!

90

The grandparents are bullies. It has not been shown, at least in my life and the lives of people I know, to let the bully push you around. Bullies only seem to respond to clear, unequivocal responses that show your’e not going to take their shit.

Also, just because people are old doesn’t give them an automatic pass. Old people do horrible, mean, nasty things all the time. There’s assholes in every demographic substrata imagineable. There’s also awe-inspiring generous and kind people in one of them, too.

91

[QUOTE=Autolycus]
Yeah, but Anger leads to Hate, and we all know what Hate leads to!
[/QUOTE]

  1. Anger
  2. Hate
  3. Profit?
92

Seeing as that we will never hear the in-laws side of the story, I am going to refrain from judging the situation; I will only say that it made me chuckle a bit yet also a little sad. Kinda like the Futurama moment where Farnsworth laughs and then says “awww i made myself sad”

I only have a question about one part, which I’m kinda afraid to ask for risk of a huge hijack, but here goes:

[QUOTE=Indygrrl]

My husband has tried to made it clear that we don’t believe in their lunatic Catholic bullshit. And that while we do respect their beliefs (well, I don’t, but they don’t have to know that) we do not want to hear about it.

[/QUOTE]

You only think they are lunatic Catholic bullshitters right, not ALL Catholics? Because if you think the latter, then, ummm.. I would humbly beg to differ.

93

[QUOTE=Autolycus]
Seeing as that we will never hear the in-laws side of the story, I am going to refrain from judging the situation; I will only say that it made me chuckle a bit yet also a little sad. Kinda like the Futurama moment where Farnsworth laughs and then says “awww i made myself sad”

[/QUOTE]

I beleive it was Bender who said that. When he had the empathy chip set to Leela, and he laughed at Leela, making her sad, making him sad.

94

[QUOTE=Autolycus]
Yeah, but Anger leads to Hate, and we all know what Hate leads to!
[/QUOTE]

Golden Gate Park?

No, wait, that’s Haight.

95

[QUOTE=Taber]
I beleive it was Bender who said that. When he had the empathy chip set to Leela, and he laughed at Leela, making her sad, making him sad.
[/QUOTE]

I think that was a seperate instance. I remember Farnsworth saying it too, but I could always be wrong.

96

The jelly I had was Habanero jelly, something like this. I ate it with bread, but it is good on a sandwich. It was spicy to me and I loved it. I also told them I liked the book, I’m not going to piss off the parents of the woman I love and hope to some day marry. I’m not an atheist but I don’t agree with their extreme world view.

Oh, and the book they got me (now that I am home and not at school and work), is called God’s Power to Change your Life.

97

I’d like to say that if this is an example of how Indygrrl loses her temper - I’m all for it.

One may argue ‘til blue in the face whether her actions or the grandparents’ were more spiteful. One may argue, with justification I think, that the mature thing would have been to send a note and a request to have them ask Indygrrl for a list of charities that she likes and supports. (I suspect there might even be one or two Catholic related charities she’d find acceptable.) But I’ve got my own experience with passive-aggressive relatives who can’t get clues unless they’re applied with two-by-fours.

Sometimes one has to suck up and deal, but for the distance in this relationship - it doesn’t sound worth it. And sometimes, too, it takes being a bit pissed off at the world to have the gumption to actually do something about a family relationship dynamic that’s bothering one.

Whatever ideal response Indygrrl might have chosen, her actual action is pretty stand up.

98

[QUOTE=Autolycus]
I think that was a seperate instance. I remember Farnsworth saying it too, but I could always be wrong.
[/QUOTE]

You’re right, he says it in the Sting.

99

[QUOTE=niblet_head]
The grandparents are bullies.
[/QUOTE]

Right. I wish people would quit referring to the donation to charity as a “gift”. It was clearly a (passive aggressive) hostile act.

100

[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth]

  1. Anger
  2. Hate
  3. Profit?
    [/QUOTE]

shakes head Oh, Ginger, Ginger, Ginger!

[fear leads to anger], anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side [of the force].

Dear Og, I am a geek! :smack: