Fun and games with the Kabalarians!

[Mangetout]

In a GQ thread, someone linked to the Kabalarians name analysis tool (click on the Free Name Analysis link), so, after reading the highly flattering (and therefore completely plausible) analysis of my own name, I thought I’d try…

The name of Satan gives you the desire to meet and mix socially and to create congenial circumstances for everyone. However, all too often, you express yourself in a matter-of-fact or awkward way that results in your good intentions being misunderstood. If you are in sales work, you could do well because of your friendly personality, interest in people, and desire to please. You prefer situations that allow a degree of independence, but are not too demanding in work-load or responsibility. When asked, you are able to give others good advice that you would probably not follow yourself, but must guard against being too opinionated in controversial matters. While you can appear to be confident, you need the moral support and encouragement of others who give inspiration and strength.

Other highlights include:

The name of Boing has made you serious-minded, responsible, and stable.

Your name of Dickhead has created a most expressive nature, idealistic and inspirational, driven with a strong inner urge to be of service in some way that would uplift humanity as a whole.

Too funny!

[Mangetout]

fixed link

[dylan_73]

As Cthulhu, you have a natural interest in the welfare of your fellow man, and a desire to help and serve others in a humanitarian way.

and…

In your work, you would seek a position offering self-expression through contact with people, such as sales

How very true…

[Trjckster]

Your name of Batman gives you the desire to understand and help others with their problems but, at the same time, you can become too involved in their problems and, as a result, worry too much.

Your natural inclination is to pursue a line of work where you have contact with people, where you carry some responsibility, and where you are engaged in mental rather than physical activity.

Its uncanny!

[Trjckster]

One more for the road

The name of Frankenstein gives you the desire to meet and mix socially and to create congenial circumstances for everyone. However, all too often, you express yourself in a matter-of-fact or awkward way that results in your good intentions being misunderstood.

[Phnord_Prephect]

As Superman:

When under stress, you can become overbearing and belittling in your attitude to others, and inclined to express sarcasm and temper.

“Oooh, kryptonite! I’m Soooo scared! Bring it, Bee-atch!”

As Hitler:
Heh… this one’s pretty good, try it yourself. Some highlights:

You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life.
Mmm… could be, could be.

You resent obstacles, delays, and restrictions
Poland, for example.

It has been your experience that once you lose control to indulgent habits, for example, smoking, drinking, or emotional outbursts, it is very difficult to retain control.
I’ll say!

As Batman:
hahahaha, try this one too

Your name of Batman gives you the desire to understand and help others with their problems but, at the same time, you can become too involved in their problems and, as a result, worry too much
“Aww, I hope the joker wasn’t upset that I didn’t call…”

You are diplomatic in your handling of people and always give others the benefit of the doubt
Yep, that’s him allright.
As Cleopatra:

The name of Cleopatra indicates you are a diligent and persevering worker who enjoys a routine occupation where you can do a job well and finish what you start.
Presumably, the snake was part of the plan from the beginning.

It is difficult for you to be spontaneous and affectionate with those close to you,
Riiight.

As Ghandi:

You stick stubbornly to your ideas or decisions, in spite of any appeals or advice; you are not willing to accept a compromise
“no, dammit, I said WORLD peace! WORLD! What part of world peace don’t you understand!?!!”

[Colibri]

The name of Hitler gives you a very inquisitive, restless, seeking nature. You feel impelled by intense desires that you cannot comprehend or satisfy. You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life. This name gives you a versatile, clever, analytical mind, but unfortunately you cannot direct your interest toward an undertaking for long, as you do not have the patience and practicality for systematic hard work and attention to detail. You resent obstacles, delays, and restrictions. This name gives you ambition, high ideals, and much creative ability, but the intense dynamic nature is too often spent in feelings and in moods, rather than in constructive action. You desire to be your own boss, yet you find it difficult to stabilize your life and to settle down and be accumulative. Your feelings swing from optimism to pessimism. You can be very cynical and caustic, and you subject those around you to outbursts of temper and moods of self-pity. Your home-life particularly would suffer. This name has given you an appreciation for refinement, and the better things in life such as art, music, and literature. You can express a very friendly, debonair personality to strangers which invariably makes a very favourable impression. It has been your experience that once you lose control to indulgent habits, for example, smoking, drinking, or emotional outbursts, it is very difficult to retain control.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

[Ferret_Herder]

From Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings trilogy (the bumbling, near-servile gardener/friend to Frodo):

Your name Samwise gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. Your ability to organize and direct the efforts of others enables you to excel in any managerial position because you have the ability to grasp the concept of a goal complete with an understanding of the steps to be taken. This name has allowed you to develop depth and breadth of mind. You are able to retain facts, to grasp new information to your existing store of knowledge. You never seem to be out of your depth of understanding. For these reasons others who may not have the same quickness of mind classify you as a “know it all” and, although you may be highly respected, this characteristic is unlikely to endear you to your associates. You have a very responsible nature, are capable and mature, and are willing to assume a position as a pillar of the community.

Um… no. But of course:

Although the first name of Samwise on its own creates many fine qualities, these qualities may be totally offset by the surname. As well, the first name may not be in harmony with your inner potential as determined by your date of birth.

So hey, they’re covered, right?

[Dogface]

They also have “Dingleberry”

[Fretful_Porpentine]

Beer as a first name gives you a very independent nature, yet you are friendly, approachable, and generous. You can be a spontaneous, expressive, and talkative person … There is a tendency to be scattering in your efforts and you prefer to avoid menial jobs of a routine and repetitive nature. You are inclined to pursue good times and emotional indulgences to excess.

Health Weaknesses for the name of: Beer
Weaknesses in health due to the influence of this name centre in the head. You could experience headaches, or difficulties with your teeth, ears, eyes, or sinuses. Disorders related to the liver, which would be aggravated by rich foods, could also arise.

Wow. That is strikingly apposite.

[Colibri]

*Originally posted by Ferret Herder *
**From Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings trilogy (the bumbling, near-servile gardener/friend to Frodo): **

Ha! That’s exactly the same profile as the name “God,” which panache45 just quoted in this GQ thread on the name “Jesus”:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208873

Samwise is God!

[Podkayne]

Anakin:

The use of this name creates a lack of stability in your affairs as it inclines you to procrastinate. It spoils patience and weakens your stand in matters of principle. You are inclined to do whatever is expedient in order to avoid facing issues. You could suffer bitter experiences through attracting wrong types of association and can be drawn into circumstances involving you in unwise situations.

Bwahhhh ha ha!!!

[lavenderviolet]

Love the names you’ve come up with so far. Hilarious!

Here’s another one of the many, many weird listings:
"While your name of Wackycookie gives you an intense desire to be of service to others, it brings out a practical, technical nature, and you become involved in fussy little details that detract from the fulfilment of your greater ideals. You tend to be thorough in building a solid foundation of fact and logic, but you are not especially imaginative or investigative. You are particular and quite set in your way you want things to be done. "

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’d expect of someone with the name “Wackycookie”: a “practical” person.

“Once you have made up your mind or formed an opinion it is not easily changed. Hence there is a restriction in friendships and business opportunities.”
What?!??! I would think a name like Wackycookie would help you win over a lot of people in the business world!

[TheLoadedDog]

The first name of Arthur-The-Cat creates a shrewd, aggressive, business nature, intent on personal gain. The desires for independence and financial success have been strong motivating forces from early in your life. You are capable of logical and analytical thinking along practical business lines, and could excel in financial fields, law, or politics.

Your name of Asshat makes you quick-minded, versatile, and very expressive. You are adaptable and creative in responding to new situations. This name has given you an interest in people and a desire for new experiences.

As Confusioncity you are rather serious-minded, responsible, and stable.

This is brilliant. Thanks for starting this thread, Mangetout. I don’t often laugh out loud at the SDMB, but I did at your OP.

[Mangetout]

The name of DEATH has made you serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You love the security of a home and family, you are fond of children, and, as a parent you would be fair and understanding. Although you have good business judgment, you are not aggressive in your dealings because you do not like to create issues. You would be successful in any position dealing with the public as you have a diplomatic and tactful manner and possess a charming, easy-going nature which puts people at ease. People are drawn to you because they feel that you are patient, kind, understanding, and responsive. You would be effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. While you are honest and responsible, one weakness that is paramount in your life is your lack of self-confidence and initiative, which causes you to put things off and avoid facing issues.

[Steve_Wright]

Your first name of Pervert has given you a quick, analytical mind. You are creative, versatile, and imaginative.

Well, if you’re going to be a Pervert, that’s undoubtedly the right kind to be …

Oh, and I liked the “health weaknesses”

The influence of this name can be very destructive to your health and personal happiness, even though it may take you far in business.

[TheLoadedDog]

And whilst this is quite funny:

Your name God gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. Your ability to organize and direct the efforts of others enables you to excel in any managerial position…

… it doesn’t tickle me half as much as the standard disclaimer it comes with:

Although the first name of God on its own creates many fine qualities, these qualities may be totally offset by the surname.

Oh yes, and this:

Health Weaknesses for the name of: God

You are quite healthy, but possible trouble areas are found in the generative organs.

[Dragonblink]

I couldn’t resist …

Your name of Gonorrhea creates a passive, friendly, easy-going nature, but your desire for sociability and the pleasant things in life makes you too easily influenced through your associations. You are too generous and if appealed to will give all you have because you find it difficult to say “no” and mean it. You do not like to create tension or friction and will try various means to avoid such situations. You are very idealistic. You have imagination and many ideas but lack the ambition and drive necessary to accomplish your undertakings. Many times you dream about the things you desire in life, but when it comes down to putting forth the necessary effort and accomplishing your goals, you do not have the strength and initiative. This name does not allow you the system and order your life requires to run in a smooth, efficient way, and if possible you will avoid having to make decisions because you feel much more secure when you can lean on others. Many times you make promises you do not keep, although your intentions are always good.

[TheLoadedDog]

What astounds me is that these things appear to be done manually. I’ve tried entering gibberish into the name field, and was told, “Sorry, we don’t have that name in our database”.

Y’all realise what this means? Some po-faced individual is solemnly working out the deep meaning of “Arthur-The-Cat”, or “Dingleberry”.

Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

[Sunspace]

Who are these “Kabalarians” anyways? Sounds like a bunch of cheesy aliens from Dr. Who…

Your name of Kabalarian has created a practical, patient, scientific nature able to concentrate on the finer details of a project or undertaking. You would function best in settled conditions where you are not called upon to meet and mix too closely with others, but are able to work on your own. This name restricts congenial expression and association, creating much aloneness. You could express your thoughts more easily in writing than in speaking. You seldom experience the peace of mind that comes with composed thinking and emotional control.