There is a real good possibility here that after they get married, he will consider it not OK at all and start taking steps to stop it. See, quite a few people will put up with a lot of things from S/Os until they get the legal security of marriage, because then, supposedly, it’s harder for the ‘loved’ one to just walk out.
She might discover that his mild manners will change in some areas once that marriage certificate is signed and notarized.
I’m not sure how I’d feel if my s/o was having lesbian affairs. I’d probably not mind if (1) I could be included frequently and (2) her partners would have to be cute. No mannish 300 pound sweat hogs like you see on Jerry Springer and none with eager boyfriends attached.
There is a HUGE difference between the abstract and the concrete, at least as far as sex is concerned. A lot depends on the kind of relationship, the people involved, and the maturity and (to some degree) the mental health of the people involved. For example, if I’m in a committed relationship (like marriage), I (or my husband) might not mind so much because we do have that commitment. On the other hand, if the relationship is not committed, I might feel jealous (or, perhaps more appropriately, insecure) because there is the fear that whatever relationship is there might be lost.
I’m just wondering how C’s fiance is going to take it if (or when) she comes out as a lesbian.
Well, hell, I thought this would bother me too, but if SHE doesn’t have a problem with it, then it must be cool. Good thing she’s so open minded!
To echo what RTFirefly said: If he thinks her girl-on-girl exploits are behind her, then she’s cheating. Even if it’s not cheating, then it’s still going to cause problems later if he does have a problem with it, but is just caving.
The two rules my wife and I worked out for those “Should I do it?” situations: 1. Is this something I wouldn’t want to tell her about? 2. Is this something I wouldn’t want her doing? A “yes” answer means that I wont do that. I expect the same of her, and we’re both happy.
Am I the only one who is finding what appears to be constant asking for sexual contact really weird? Is this a normal part of girl-girl friendships, and I missed the memo on that?
Thank you. Yes. I find this very odd. She’s ALWAYS grabbing my breasts, kissing me on the mouth, and last Tuesday, for a special bonus, she put her hand between my legs. When I asked what she was doing she said,
“Oh come on. Like you don’t do it”
I understand that some people do have these open relationships, and jokingly my husband has said that I’m allowed to have sex with women as long as he can watch. With her, it seems to be a slow descent into weirdness, where first she was just talking about girls sexually, then she was doing things with girls out in public so her boyfriend/fiance could see (and even that was fine. I’ve kissed girls for my husband’s benefit, it’s a turn on). But the concept of a weird, shadowy fingerfuck in the backwoods of Toledo Ohio strikes me as…odd.
Especially since last night she said that ‘sex with men is boring’.
I’ve skimmed the thread and I don’t think these questions have been asked (pardon me if they have), but how old is this friend and how long have you known her? Has she always been like this or has her interest in women grown just recently?
I ask because there’s always the possibility that this could be a phase. The younger she is, the more inclined I am to believe that it is a phase, but no matter what her age that still could be the case.
She’s 29. And as if all the gems I’ve provided you with thus far doesn’t indicate a certain oddness, she threw this one at me today, when I asked her what her intended thought about her and girls:
“Be real for a second. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. If we’re going to be honest about it, nobody stays married forever, so who cares?”
jarbaby, honey, if I were you, I’d start backing away from this girl verrryyy sloooowly. Some of the behavior you describe is sexual assault, and she seems to be oblivious of the fact that it makes you uncomfortable. “NO” means “NO” whether it’s a straight or a homosexual encounter. NOT every woman behaves this way (at least I don’t, and you don’t, and with a few exceptions no woman I’ve ever known has, and I was in the Navy.), and it seems that she’s deluding herself into believing that to justify behavior she may or may not know is wrong.
FWIW, it also seems that she’s got feelings for you, and it’s entirely possible that the behavior is going to escalate. That she doesn’t care who she hurts in the process really shows that she’s probably not someone who’s emotionally stable, and not someone who’s going to offer a stable, healthy friendship.
Wait a minute, two chicks making out in a back seat. Cop pulls up. Cop notices the gals. Gals notice cop.
And…
The cop tells them cut it out and sends them on their way?
Dammit, the porn cliche is incomplete! Whatever happened to “I’ll do anything to keep this a secret, officer”? Doesn’t anybody watch the classics anymore?
Perhaps the participants were thrown off by the lack of a pounding soundtrack. If you’d crept up and started playing a bass guitar in a soulful manner, I’m sure they would’ve commenced to humping like rabid bunnies on speed.
Coming back to this more seriously (and in admittedly a pissier mood) MsRobyn has spoken wisely. To be rudely blunt, if these past two Pitted women aren’t utter flukes in your relationships, it’s high time you stopped accepting friendships with steaming sacks of human shit.
Someone like that has no business being in any relationship whatsoever. Gazing into my crystal navel, she’s going to die someday, horribly alone and empty. [Clint]“Deserve” has got nothing to do with it.[/Clint] She’s going to hurt her fiance badly, and then will go on to hurt other people badly. Some people just like doing that kind of thing, I guess, following a natural knack. After all, “it doesn’t matter.”
You’d be doing him a favor telling him about her attitude. I don’t doubt that he’ll just turtle up and stick it under a mental rug, though. But maybe he won’t, and will spare himself some agony down the road by stepping to the plate and taking a lesser amount now.
But regardless, back away. Stop befriending psychos; all the cool fun personality traits in this world aren’t worth it when they’re overlaid on a core of insanity.
Drastic, I believe the line is “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tries to tell you differently is selling something.” or something very much like that.
What I wanna know is how this C has access to my computer, and why she is taking her moves from my jarbabyj fantasy files. I mean, that’s just not right, she should be original, at least.
and (2) her partners would have to be cute. No mannish 300 pound sweat hogs like you see on Jerry Springer and none with eager boyfriends attached.
I guess I needed to hear someone else say it.