What do you call a cow that had an abortion?
De-calf-inated
If you changed that to “What do you call a cow that has just given birth?” the OP could actually use it.
My favorite Far Side
Sally the cow was on one side of the fence, Ferdinand the bull was on the other side.
Sally the cow said, “oh Ferdinand the bull won’t you jump the fence so we can be together!”
Ferdinand the bull got a running start and leapt over the fence!
Sally the cow was impressed, “oh Ferdinand the bull that was magnificent!”
Ferdinand the bull said, “just call me Ferdinand… that fence was higher than I thought.”
My five-year-old daughter told me this variant at bedtime this evening:
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Late Interrupting Cow.”
“Late Interrupting Cow who?”
“Mooooooo!”
…and my wife came up with the opposite variant:
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there”
“Preemptive cow MOOOOO!”
When I heard it, it was for a pig, but a cow will do just as well.
A man is visiting relatives on a farm and asks how the cow outside came to have only 3 legs.
The wife said, “Oh, that’s daisy. She saved my live once by running into a barn fire and dragging me out. Another time she saved little Johnny’s life by leading us to the well he fell into. She’s the most miraculous cow I’ve ever seen.”
“But how did she lose her leg?”
The husband answered, “A cow like that you don’t eat all at once.”
I know a grown woman who gets rendered helpless with laughter by this joke, regardless of how often you tell it:
Why didn’t the cow walk up the hill?
It didn’t have any legs.
(BTW folks jokes about bulls != cow jokes)
What’s udderly hysterical? Joke threads in MPSIMS!
(Moving there from IMHO.)
Interesting. I wouldda thought that if it was going to move, it would go to CS. Telling a good joke is, after all, an art.
For the tiresome sake of fighting ignorance the correct title of this thread should either be “Funniest Cattle Jokes” Or mention of bulls, other than being relevant to the cow part of the joke, should be removed.
There is no such creature as a male cow.
Durned city slickers!
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting Sloth.”
“Interrupting Sloth who?”
.
Is this one allowable? It does feature females of cattle-kind.
Once upon a time there was a bull who went into a field and stayed there for heifer and heifer and heifer…
New Apprentice: That glue pot smells nice, what is it?
Master Inlay artist: Hide.
NA: Why do I need to Hide?
MIA: No, hide…you know, a cow’s outside.
NA: I ain’t afraid of no cow!
French cow: “Mooooi”
This is incorrect. “Cow” can refer to a bovine of either sex. See Merriam Webster.
Yes there is. Why are you so bigoted against transgendered cattle?
43!
LOL! I’ve never heard that one before!
Q. What side do you milk a cow from?
A. The udder side.
Robert is out in the country with his new bride. They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.
His wife says, “It’s a shame a man can’t perform like that.”
He says, “We could, if we got to change cows every time.”