While not on a par with any of these other stories, my wife claims that I carry on considerably in my sleep. Sometimes about my work, other times just babbling nonsense. As I don’t remember any of it whatsoever, it is obviously untrue. There is one thing, though. Since I long ago learned how to turn off my alarm clock without waking up, I keep it across the room so that I have to get myself vertical to make the damn noise go away. The problem is that every time the phone rings in the middle of the night, I wake to find myself pounding the crap out of the alarm clock and not understanding why it won’t stop.:smack:
When my son was about 4 months old my husband suddenly got up out of bed and picked him up. I sat up confused because my husband was screaming “Get a doctor he won’t stop crying!”. My son was still asleep at that point but when my husband continued to scream he woke up and just looked as confused as I felt. I got my son out of my husband’s arms and put him back in bed as my husband started screaming into the lamp about sending the paramedics to our house and giving them his Mom’s address. I finally managed to get him back in bed where he started trying to give CPR to his pillow. Suddenly he sat upright and looked at me. He had no idea what had just happened. He couldn’t figure out why he had a mouth full of pillowcase, it was pretty funny.
I’ve been known to talk in my sleep. The weird part is you can ask me questions and I can’t lie. My sister used to find out all my childhood crushes this way. It’s really a horrible weakness.
My first wife did it a couple of times.
One night, she said in a very sweet voice. “I love you.”
I replied, “I love you, too.”
Then she said, “But I have to cash a check.” (She worked in a bank). That’s when I realized she was asleep.
The other time, she shook me awake and asked me if I had a road map of Sweden.
Heh. My man has to touch me at all times. We curl up spooning to fall asleep. During the night, he always has at least a hand on me. If I get up to pee or smoke and return to the bed, his hand finds my hip and pulls me in closer.
I’m not complaining 
niblet_head’s post reminded me of something my brother said in his sleep about a year ago. He was taking a nap on the couch as usual, and as usual I was using the computer. He made a strange noise and I went over to see if everything was okay. He mumbled something, then said clearly, “It’s hot up in this motherfucker.” My howling laughter woke him up, and he made me promise not to tell our mother.
Not funny, but bizarre:
Man who attacked wife gets 40 years in prison
The jury didn’t buy it. I’m flummoxed – and so is my sister, who used to date him (pretty seriously too).
The funniest thread I’ve read in a while!!!
Peeing seems to be common, so here’s my adolescent urination story:
I fell asleep on the couch watching TV with my family one night. (I was just a kid…9 or 10 maybe). My Mother wakes me up and says “Hey, come on…go to the bathroom, and then get into bed.” So I got up, stumbled my way to the kitchen where I opened the cupboard, lifted the lid on the enclosed garbage can, and proceeded to pee in the garbage!
More recently (last night in fact), I woke up in the middle of the night facing the wrong way with my T-shirt off. Niether my wife nor I have any idea how I ended up that way, but I was completely opposite her (feet to head).
-My T-shirt, btw was foud this morning under my bed.
Ahhh, sleepwalking and sleeptalking. Glimpses into the subconscious mind. It’s a might strange place, isn’t it?
As far as I know, I’ve never done either. Once upon a time, though, I had a roommate (I’ll call her Mary*) who did both. Mary told me a couple of stories about previous episodes, and I actually ear-witnessed another.
- One of Mary’s older sisters is up late watching TV in the living room. Mary is long ago in bed and asleep. The sister sees Mary walk past her and asks, “Mary, what are you doing?”
Mary says, “Penguins don’t eat salt sandwiches.”
Mary’s sister asks, “Why not?”
Mary responds, “Because they fall over sideways.”
Mary returns to bed.
-
Mary’s mother wakes up in the middle of the night one night to find Mary distributing Tupperware[sup]TM[/sup] containers all over her (the parents’) bed.
-
I woke up in the middle of the night to hear Mary say, “The porpoise laughed.” She then delivered about the dirtiest chuckle you have ever heard. I tried to get her to say more, but anything else was so mumbled I couldn’t make it out. I still wonder why the porpoise was laughing.
My Dad is apparently an active dreamer also; he’ll flail about in the bed and (until she moved to sleeping in a recliner because of back problems) would sometimes hit Mom. A few times she’s gotten him about half awake when he does this. One night after she’d done this, he told her, “Oh, thank you, the demons were about to get me.” He didn’t remember any of it the next day.
*Not her real name.
I love this thread!
I talk in my sleep, nothing too astounding except when I fell asleep talking on the phone and told my friend how the penguins were going to get me (thanks Morgyn for reminding me of that )
I do sleep with my eyes open sometimes. Not half open or open just a peep, but “check her breathing” eyes wide open. I have had a school bus driver stop the bus to make sure I was not dead because I dozed off on the way to school.
When I got married, I did warn my SO of this little issue and told him not to worry about it if it happened. Well, it happened, and being the loving, caring, not listening husband he is, he walks up to me to check on me and something in my head triggered panic response, I woke up inhaling ALL the oxygen out of the room (I could almost see the walls bow in) and getting ready to scream it all out when I realized my husband was looking like he was a deer caught in the headlights and scared to death. I instantly knew what happened and started laughing while he proceeded to restart his heart. Poor guy. He knows better now.
GASP I do this too! I can’t fall asleep with them open, but I’m told by my bf that he’s woken up at night to find me sound asleep, eyes staring. Why does this happen? Is it normal?
ratty, I have no idea why it happens. I have slept with my eyes open since I was a baby. Mom used to say it was because I didn’t want to miss anything.
As far as I can tell, it isn’t harmful. If you wear contacts you sleep in, it can be uncomfortable. But normal? Hell, who wants to be normal?!
ratty, I have no idea why it happens. I have slept with my eyes open since I was a baby. Mom used to say it was because I didn’t want to miss anything.
As far as I can tell, it isn’t harmful. If you wear contacts you sleep in, it can be uncomfortable. But normal? Hell, who wants to be normal?!
Actually now that I think about it this isn’t true. I’ve gotten up with out waking up in order to turn off my alarm clock lots of times. Also once my Mom called and I answered the phone while still asleep and she asked me some historical question and I ansered and then hung up and went back to bed. What’s really interesting about that is I answered on my bedroom phone and the living room phone, with the answering machine recorded the whole conversation. It really freaked me out to play my messages to hear myself holding a conversation I had no recollection of at all. Took me awhile to figure that one out.
Did you answer the question correctly? 
ROTFMALO*
One time,when I was just outta HS my sister was working for an Arby’s and one night I got up to take a pee. When I came back to our room, my sister rolled over and handed me a pillow telling me to hand it to the lady in the drive-thru because she was angry it was taking so long.
My parents have said that I once sleepwalked out into the backyard looking for my sister and they had to stop me from walking out the gate into the street.
CG constantly talks in his sleep…mostly mumblings that are incoherent but every once in awhile it will understandable and he’ll start talking about his work.
Tis quite funny.
IDBB
Oh man, I could fill this thread with stories, but I’ll share just a few.
First, stories about my cousin.
My family used to run a funeral home. My aunt, uncle and cousins lived in a huge house, where the ground floor had the chapel, visiting rooms, all thing funerally, and the top 2 floors were their home. I was sleeping over one night, I was about 8 and my cousin was about 5, and all of a sudden heard the sound of a vacuum. I woke my aunt up, and we went downstairs to investigate. We walked into the chapel, to find my cousin vacuuming, and laughing her butt off. We slowly shooed her back upstairs and she didn’t even wake up.
The morning of my wedding I woke up to her crawling around the bedroom, slamming her hands on the floor, under the dresser, trying to kill the ants.
One more from her. She woke up swinging my then 1 month old neice in her carseat, almost to the point of being upside down. She doesn’t remember getting her out of the bassinette, putting her in the seat or anything.
My fiance is a talker. 2 days after we moved in together, we were asleep in bed, and I awoke to him shaking my shoulder, saying…I forgot them. I said “Forgot what?” He said “The thingie…the thingie thingie thingie. I forgot it in Brantford” I didn’t know he talked in his sleep. So I’m looking around the bedroom, wondering what in HELL he forgot. All of a sudden he starts giggling his ass off. Then he laid back down and went to sleep. I asked him the next morning, and he didn’t remember.
Then there was the Silverfish incident. We had a problem in our first apartment with Silverfish. If you don’t know what they are, they are 3 inch long flat bugs with a billion legs. We had killed about 10 of those suckers that day. My fiance had long hair at the time, down to the middle of his back. I woke up to him in the fetal position in the middle of the bed and he was screaming, at the top of his lungs, “GET THEM OUTTA HERE” His hands pulling at his hair and rubbing his hands on his head, causing some nasty tangles. He was apparently having a dream about Silverfish. The next day I had to put conditioner in his hair and spend about an hour combing it through.
The best one was the ninja dream. I woke up to my fiance laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. I, at this point, knew he was asleep and slowly tried to wake him and get him to calm down. He kept waving at me, trying to catch his breath and stop laughing. Finally, after me 10 minutes, he told me he had a dream in which he drop kicked a ninja down a flight of stairs and the sound it made was WAY funny.
There are a LOT more from my fiance, but this is long enough.
LV~
My sister and I both do this occasionally. I shared a room with my sister for the first 14 years of my life, and the best one I can remember was walking in to go to bed, and her saying, “Seventy-five cents? Does anyone have seventy-five cents?”
And just this past summer, I recall having a dream in which I was handing a particularly large and soft bag of take-out food to a customer at the restaurant I worked at. When I woke up, my pillow was on the floor on the other side of the room.
I’ve woken laughing a couple of times. The shaking of my body caused by the laughter is what woke me.
The first time it happened, the dream that made me laugh so hard was actually pretty lame, but in dreamland I thought it was hysterical. The second was funny.
I dreamt I was the goalie for the Canadian, women’s, Olympic hockey team. I’m only 5’4" and about 118 lbs and I can barely skate. The pads were almost as big as my body. There was a bad pile-up at center ice. The puck came lose, the other goalie rush forward to get it, someone elses’ stick slid towards me, so I hit the loose stick with my own as hard as I could, it flew toward the puck, hit it, puck when into net – score!. In the dream it was the first goal of the first game of the first Olympic event – the crowd went wild! I was a hero!
But thats not what made me laugh – I dreamt that later on I watched the whole sequence with me in oversized goalie gear in a slow motion replay on CNN while drinking beer in a bar.
I started laughing uproarously – my housemate said he heard this very weird, Wicked Witch of the West cackling coming out of my room. Like Venom’s fiancé I was pretty much choking from laughing so hard – in that weird, shrill cackle that did not sound like my usual laugh.
The Wicked Witch noises scared the hell out of him! He came to investigate with a tennis racket in hand as a weapon to beat back the Cackling Demon. Took me several minutes to compose myself enough to tell him I’d had a funny dream.
Yup! But I’m glad that was the entire length of the conversation. Judging by previous posters I might have said something that I’d never be able to live down.
I’ve got two.
I once woke up to find that i had drank two full cartons of orange juice while sleepwalking. I promptly threw up.
I usually fall asleep on my back, but roll over while sleeping. Sometimes when I roll over, I pin my arm under the rest of my body. My arm falls asleep, and when I wake up in the morning, I end up using one arm to bang the alarm clock with the other. This time, however, I rolled out of bed in the middle of the night, with my arm thoroughly numb, and unable to move it. When I rolled out of bed, I hit my shoulder on something, possibly a dresser. I spent about 20 minutes looking for my arm, thinking it had fallen off when my shoulder was hit.