This memory makes me think twice about complaining to my husband regarding his lack of vocalisation during sex.
It was a former boyfriend, a very quiet almost shy guy.
It went a little something like this…
“oh… oh… oh… shitshitshit …oh … oh… …shit… ooooooooooo… ooooooooo…ooooooooooooo …shit …ooooooooooooooooo… ooooooooooooooooooooo… oooooooooo… ooooooooooo *[high pitched voice]*ooooooooooo… shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit… ooooooooooooo… oooooooooooooooo… ooooooooooo… shitshitshit… ooooooooooooooooooo… ooooooooooo… baby…ooooooooooooo…oh…oh…oh… shit!”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that my eyes were wet and my body was quivering from laughter.
“THE BIG ONE, THE BIG ONE, OH YEAH, THE BIG ONE, IT’S COMING, IT’S COMING, YEAH, THE BIG ONE THE BIG ONE, IT"S COMING, etc.”
I was the guy on top. Very complimentary, but all I could think of during the above was Fred Sanford saying “It’s the big one, Elizabeth, I’m coming!”
I kept both a hard-on and a straight face until THE BIG ONE came and went. But when I went to the bathroom to remove the condom I almost choked trying to stifle my laughter.
My buddy D was having sex with his girlfriend in his room while I was watching TV one night in the living room. After awhile I heard “Huuuuuuuhhhhh…ooooo…yyyyeeeaaahhhhh…Tomcat!!!” followed by sounds of said girlfriend throwing him off of her and screaming at him. As I’m ROTFLMAO he comes running out with a towel wrapped around him grinning like a devil.
A friend of mine who’s an atheist supposedly did, deliberately call out “Oh Random! Oh Chance!” at that particular moment.
As for me, a few years ago, when we were still together I was talking with my ex-boyfriend when he started laughing out loud at an ad in a war-gaming magazine which read “Thrust home your wad”. Evil creature that I am, the next time we got together, I did manage to keep enough presence of mind to call that out. Shared laughter added a nice touch to the sensations.
I used to date a fellow who happened to do Robert Plant for a living in a Led Zep tribute band. Nothing made me laugh harder than when he managed to blurt out “Valhalla I am coming”
At the suggestion of a stand up comic, I did not say a word or make a sound the whole time (Very hard to do). At the end, I just gave her the thumbs up sign. The look on her face was priceless. We shared a laugh after I explained what was going on.
My wife likes me to go into a pre-ignition countdown (“I’m getting close…closer…here it comes…geaaaah!” sorta deal) so I’ve been doing that for a minute or so, and, this being a particularly active session, both of us are doing the “oh shit, oh god, oh shit…” kinda stuff. Here’s my final sequence:
“Here it comes, oh shit, I’m cum - PEACHES GET OFF OF ME!”
Our puppy, you see, had decided to join in on the fun and she has sharp little toenails, which were digging into my back. My wife about suffocated she was laughing so hard. I was not quite as amused but I guess it was kinda funny.
My wife likes me to go into a pre-ignition countdown (“I’m getting close…closer…here it comes…geaaaah!” sorta deal) so I’ve been doing that for a minute or so, and, this being a particularly active session, both of us are doing the “oh shit, oh god, oh shit…” kinda stuff. Here’s my final sequence:
“Here it comes, oh shit, I’m cum - PEACHES GET OFF OF ME!”
Our puppy, you see, had decided to join in on the fun and she has sharp little toenails, which were digging into my back. My wife about suffocated she was laughing so hard. I was not quite as amused but I guess it was kinda funny.
“ohhhaaa <scream>… <scream> I’m sorry oh god!”
My ex was lost control of her limbs and managed to snag the speaker cable that ran up to the rear channel speakers above my bed… then she’s convulsed. Almost killing me.
I was later questioned by a floor mate (I had the single room next to the lounge) and they couldn’t figure out why she was apologizing while we were.
Hrrm I’ve heard all of my roommates having sex, some of them say some fucked up shit.
“Baby’s got a suprise!”
“Yeeeeeee haaaa!”
“zardoz!”
“Mom, I’ll have to call you back” (the phone rang and we didnt feel like stopping so…)
“Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Then no sound for literally about 20 seconds during which she just grabs my head and pulls it down to hers before deperately gasping out “I…Am…Stiiiiiiiiiiil…Coming!”
Know what a multiple orgasm is? Your loss.
Another good one from an ex-friend of mine:
“YES! YESSSSS!! pause OMIGOD! I cant believe I am cheating on my boyfriend! Get off!” (basically she was cheating on her bf, waited until she had got off and then told the guy to get off before he was finished. Best of both worlds baby!)
Her name was Julie. I don’t know any Leslie, haven’t known a Leslie in ten years. The weird part is that after I said it I freaked out and said, "Why did I just call you “Leslie”? She said, “I dunno,” and we went back to business. Very confusing.
The other day my girlfriend said something that sounded like “Albacore,” though it might have been just moaning. I’m not worried.
followed by sounds of said girlfriend throwing him off of her and screaming at him. As I’m ROTFLMAO he comes running out with a towel wrapped around him grinning like a devil.