The bad news: We all know how accurate weather forecasts are! On the other hand, a monsoon does make for a memorable wedding.
The good news: You develop the ability to think yourself into an orgasm.
The bad news: you haven’t yet developed the ability to think yourself back to normal.
The good news: you build a better mousetrap.
The bad news : you neglected to patent it. Big Rat Extermination, however, did not. Thanks for the free money, sucker.
The good news : AIDS ? Gone. For good.
TBN: It’s cured by the ebola virus.
TGN: Your secretary just got breast implants and can’t wait to show them to you.
The bad news: Your secretary is a 80 year old man.
The good news is you foiled a jewlery store robbery when the thief ran into you while trying to escape.
The bad news: The security cam video of you tripping over your own feet is all over youtube and featured on America’s Dumbest Criminals
The good news: You’ve found a pirate treasure map behind an old picture frame in your attic
The bad news: The treasure is located under the remains of the World Trade Center. Good luck getting to it.
The good news: You are going to be a grandparent!
The bad news: The mom, your daughter, is a convicted murder and asks you to raise her quadruplets for the next 18 years, because “Prison ain’t no place for no kids nohow.”
The good news: You have perfect pitch.
The bad news: And no rhythm.
The good news: A very hot lady just texted you a naked picture of herself…
The bad news: It’s your sister-in-law, and your wife is murderously jealous.
The good news: Through wise investments, your retirement is going to be very well-funded.
The bad news: you were just given six months to live
The good news: you have gained the ability to uncancel one TV show of your choice. The show can be from any time and will be guaranteed two seasons.
The bad news: It will star Billy Ray Cyrus and will show only in Arabic, with Ethiopian subtitles.
The good news: You have discovered how to make the perfect pepperoni pizza, with no calories!
The bad news is also causes your body to negate the calories in all food. Permanently.
The Good News: You have just won a million dollar designer wardrope.
The bad news - The godless liberals want you to give it back
The good news - That bolt you swallowed has finally passed
The bad news: You also swallowed a hardware store’s worth of screws.
The good news: You have the ability to fly.
…because you’ve turned into a fly.
The good news: You’ve finally perfected a keyboardless direct-brain hookup to your computer so you’ll never have to type (or use a mouse) again.
TBN: The FAA has decided any flights you undertake will maintain the same laws as any other mechanical flight. You have to get a pilot’s license and pass through airport security before each flight.
TGN: You won a free plastic surgery procedure of your choice.
The bad news: The painkillers cost $50,000 per dose.
(Skipped): The good news: You’ve finally perfected a keyboardless direct-brain hookup to your computer so you’ll never have to type (or use a mouse) again.
The bad news: The FAA has decided any flights you undertake will maintain the same laws as any other mechanical flight. You have place your head in a bin to pass through airport security before each flight.
The good news: Evil has been driven from the Planet!
The bad news: so has all animal life. The plant civilization has begun!
The good news: You win free electricity for life from your electric company