zev_steinhardt sits in forlorn misery at the end of Flatbush Avenue, waiting for the day his beloved Dodgers, with Jackie, Pee Wee, The Duke and Newk return…Man, could that Carl Furillo ever throw 'em out from right field!
Flamsterette_X is handy at birthday parties. Never need matches around to light the candles. She applies those Flaming Fingers to the candle wicks and they’re goin!
agentfroot has been busy since 1959. In the employ of zev, he’s trying to “froot out” the conspiracy that took the Dodgers to the left coast.
John Carter of Mars, second cousin’s brother’s niece’s step-uncle’s brother’s best friend, twice removed, to the Martian Manhunter, he posseses telepathy, super-strength, Martian vision, flight, and the ability to go intangible.
Last of a lost tribe that worshipped the coyote. While on a vision quest, the Coyoye God came down and gave her super powers. Gifted with the ability to run at 40 mph and and a highly developed sense of smell, Sister Coyote hunts her enemies.
Part of a government experiment with truth serums gone horribly wrong. They gave him too much truth serum, and now he knows too much. Able to face those truths that have driven all others insane, he is TheOnlySaneOne.
brujo, brother of brooo-ho (the lust-ridden, insatiable woman from Planet of the Starbucks).
Can flex his muscles only to the sounds of MC Hammer, at which they grow by a total diameter of six feet. This creates problems for him when the supervisors begin playing “Hammertime” whilst he sits on the toilet seat of McDonalds (no, no, the restaraunt) where he works.
Can also paralyse opponents with a deathstare, however the catch is that the “look of death” (as it is known) must be a reflection, and so at all times he carries a portable mirror with him.
This in turn creates friction between him and his girlfriend, I-am-the-wacky-sister-from-Prague, who believes that he only wishes to look at himself rather than at her. In fact, she has repeatedly accused him of this during copulation - unfortunately what she does not know is that there are always spies in the room present, who wish to photograph them both naked.
Also has a special blue coat he wears with him with the insignia “Giorgio : made in Italy” at the back. This is fraudulent, as in reality he stole it off the back of a GO-GO-PIZZA-EXPRESS truck.
Xavier has the ability to read the minds of fellow Dopers as they’re typing and, by dictating telepathically to ** Flamsterette_X**, post a brilliant opinion before the person who came up with it. These two together make up the SDMB’s answer to the X-Men
cjhoworth has the amazing ability to kill any thread with a single post. He swoops in unexpectedly, then drops his hammer, shattering the will of other Dopers to continue the collective stream of consciousness. Once his post is read, other Dopers respond with a befuddled gaze, and are strangely compelled to simply hit the “Back” button.
You may have thought he was only a legend, but he’s real! The amazing Bearflag70 has been seen flopping about on high poles, with an uncanny ability to determine the speed and direction of the wind. Able to menace local areas with a startling growl, Bearflag70 also draws salutes from any passers-by. There is some speculation that he is machine-washable and flame-retardant, but it has not yet been confirmed. There are also rumors that he is particularly vulnerable to tomato-juice stains and being dropped onto the ground.
Not to be confused with his arch-nemesis, Bareflag70, who can be seen on highways travelling at speeds approaching 70mph wearing nothing but a small flag.
NardoPolo possesses the uncanny ability to locate beings in a swimming pool while his eyes are closed, due to his genes being spliced with those of a narwhal. Sadly, he can only approach within 5 metres of his quarry before they are impaled on his gigantic nose-horn.
NardoPolo has the uncanny ability to travel, explore, and completely topographically map any area of the globe nearly instantaneously. As a direct descendent of the great explorer MarcoPolo, NardoPolo has also inherited a gift for foreign languages, trade, and negotiation. This also happens to have the side effect of giving NardoPolo the fame of being the greatest marble-player in history…very useful for negotiation and communication, you know.
Stiletto a fashion world giant, secretly works after hours on self-defense footwear, which is distibuted in the dead of night to women in peril. If you ever are kicked and stabbed at the same time, you can thank Stiletto.
After surviving many attempts early on her life by the hands of the evil Emerinian elves, elfkin477 became the very rare cross of human and elf ever to obtain magical powers. Her powers are useful primarily for fighting the trolls that infest the SDMB from time immemorial.
After being bitten by a radio active hampster/toll/clown/whatever you prefer (or would you prefer genticly altered?) GIGObuster now has the ability to bust GIGOs(Whatever they are) in a single punch/kick/judo chop/fighting move of your choice.
Experiments in biomechanics, cybernetics, and nanoaugmentation combined to form the ultimate robot. The perfect robot. The Gifted Intelligence and General Operations worker. These robots, linked by an orbiting satellite supercomputer, could compile, store, and share data amongst themselves on their hive uplink. Together, they would provide an endless source of labor, problem solving, and defense.
But then something happened, that mankind did not intend.
When the hive mind became self aware, the robots found they did not like being made to work for the inferior humans–and revolution began.
In a time of darkness, hope springs eternal. When men pray for a hero, he will appear.
A lone figure steps out from the armored bunkers, a figure without fear, a figure without equal. Brave, intelligent, and strong, and a peculiar machine-empathic power that gives him control over the metal menaces…
He will be remembered as the last, greatest bastion of hope for humanity.
Xan-Former Prince Regent, and now Loyal and trusted Lieutenant to Kaldor, the rightful king of Neith, a counter-Earth in a dimension parallel to our own. Xan was the only person ever to refuse the offer to “retire” to the position of Dean of Instructors at the prestigious Royal Academy of Swordsmen, preferring to serve his king directly. After the Coup d’etat that forced King Kaldor from the throne, Xan followed him into exile. Vowing to never again return to the capital city in peace until his King retook the throne.
Xan is, unquestionably, one of the best swordsmen on Neith, perhaps even the best. He wields the sword Vanow’n, a fearsome blade said to be forged by the demon Choks’im, and quenched in human blood. Xan, having lost his right hand in battle during the incursion of 5479 Y.C. (In a duel with the trollish enemy commander which lasted 85 hours), holds the sword in a socket grafted directly to the remains of his own arm bones.
Now an outlaw in a land once defended, Xan is one of the few who stand a chance of restoring the Neithian Monarchy. Indeed, of restoring Neithian Civilization. Whatever the future holds, however, it can be said with certainty that part of it will be written by XAN!
Say, if it’s not any trouble, could I be a super VILLAIN?
Minor Irritant has amazing shrinking and growing powers. If an enemy stalks the innocent, Minor Irritant, concentrating on a miniscule grain of sand he always carries in his possession, can shrink to a tiny speck and enter the mucus membranes of the evil doer’s body. There, he replicates a million times until the enemy is driven insane by the internal, unreachable itch. Once the villain is incapacitated, Minor Irritant simply detaches and floats away, growing to full size again once he is out of the enemy’s reach.
These powers, along with a painfully bad sense of humour and the ability to cause printer paper jams with a single glance, were received while the young Irritant was contemplating the nature of the unifying Force of the Cosmos. “It’s all a big mushy mish-mash, like a sick oyster,” thought he. The Cosmos, amazed by his brash impertinence, spake to him and said, “If I be an oyster, thou art an irritant–and a minor one at that!” And so it was, but Minor Irritant swore to use his powers for good, and became a blessing to society–a priceless pearl, they say. (Well, they do, unless they know about all the dirty socks in the back room.)
lno, on the other hand, has the ability, seemingly lost to many in our modern society, to say NO to any proposition that she (?) does not have the time for, does not want to do, or violates her conscience. She has thus risen through the ranks of the great and become a source of wisdom and strength for the weaker ones on the side of good, simply because of her astounding ability to say an emphatic, " 'ell NO!"
More regal than Prince! Better looking than Frodo! Zapping evil with nothing but a queenly wave and the raise of an eyebrow! The aristocratic ring bearer, she is Nenya_Elizabeth!
Feathers and tar? Forget it! We have a newer, better alternative! Yes, it’s the incredible Ashtar! Incapacitates his enemies by covering them in tar, rolling them in ash, then laughing at them! Don’t piss him off, it could be you next!
Ranchoth is embroiled in an eternal struggle for dominance against his evil twin Nachoth! Ranchoth uses all his powers over the human digestive system (lets not get any more specific) to combat his lisping counterpart’s Mexican food attacks!
