dubs with the ability to translate any movie, no matter how bad into any language, no matter how obscure.
Hey slortar, I am a girl… But I kind of like the idea of bebopping the bad guys! Now, if you had said **Ella Fitzgerald **, that would be cool.
Eutychus55, bearing the great powers and awesome responsibility of the Mod-Elite!
with the ability to rewrite posts as is needed, he corrects grammatical errors in the creations of the multitudes.
bearing also the great powers of Thread Adjustment, he may relocate threads to their appropriate realms; nay, he bears the power to wholly CLOSE a thread of evil, and cause it to drop back into the abyss.
he also holds the very existence of the Millions in his hands, bearing the strength to Ban the infidels, exiling the darkness, the Trolls back to the Void.
Honor this paragon of virtue, for he is the savior of all things Good, Just, and SDMB!
I humbly abase myself.
Even though I am a hot-tar-spewing space alien/dinosaur, my might would do little against one who can swiftly row in from nowhere and bop me into submission. I tremble. 
Also note the grammatical corrections above so I don’t look like a total retard, although I could simply blame that on my half-reptilian background and devour anyone who complained.
saepiroth has been granted the mystic power to cloud men’s minds who try to figure out what the dickens her name refers to.
Aided by her comical sidekick FatCat, she stalks the land confusing evil-doers and padding the post count of deserving posters.
All hail saepiroth, minion of light!
Shodan!
Half Samurai! Half Giant Pterodactyl-Bird Thingy That Looks Like A Guy In A Rubber Suit And Fights Godzilla!
Have a care, evil-doers! SHODAN stalks the city by night!
What? All I get is the ability to fry foods in grease!? sigh Doesn’t anyone here know anything about Norse mythology? Btw, the e in my name is pronounced as a long a sound like in the word, plate.
Oh, were was I?
Ah, Kilt-wearin’ man, once a mild-mannered Scotsman, was accidently exposed to a set of radioactive bagpipes; now has the ability to toss telephone poles incredible distances, confuse his enemies by talking with an accent so thick you can cut it with a knife and, once an hour, magically produce a pint of the best whiskey you’ve ever tasted!
Why, it’s…
KILT-WEARIN’ MAN! Able to fight crime with his precision caber-tossing skills… Evil-doers, you haven’t known fear until you’ve seen the business end of a telephone pole hurtling towards your head at breakneck speed!
Meanwhile, Jonathan Chance has the amazing ability to alter the laws of probability. Schroedinger’s Cat will now and forever be safe from cruel thought experiments!
[sum]Why, it’s drewbert, able to… um… simulpost.[/sub]
It’s drewbert! Able to disarm enemies with unexpected superpowers hidden behind a crew cut and thick-rimmed glasses! And his alter-ego, he of the bent necktie! Able to slay stupid bosses and evil HR directors with the stroke of pen! Able to silence makeup-laden coworkers with a well-aimed can of beer to the skull! AND, most amazing of all, can simultaneously star in both a sitcom and a syndicated comic strip.
By day she is a burr in her co-worker’s sides, at night Cranky takes to the streets in her 55 cadillac that she calls the Geezermobile.
Her main weapon is the walker of wondrous power which she applies generously to evildoers.
When threatened she is able to shield herself with the bedpan of invincibility.
By speaking the words " Back in my day…" she can bring any evil doer to their knees.
Definately a force to be reckoned with.
Behold the mighty Feynn, who can convincingly pretend to be anything or anyone at any time! All hail the great chameleon Feynn!
Feynn resides in a secret Canadian temple, appearing to be a Nobel Prize-winning Physicist named Richard.
If you look carefully, you’ll probably still miss slortar, a dinosaur so clever he is able to hide behind a sloth. While peace-loving, slortar will eat anyone who disrupts his rest.
AlbertRose…who mixes old fashioned practicality, with a power over vegetation that makes any plant murderous to his enemies. His power is strongest with members of the rose family, and it has taken entire police departments 24 hours or more to free villains from the tangles of thorns.
Fierra - Ehm… can speak spanish…
I suck at this
— G. Raven
Morrison’s Lament - A bug-infested copy of the lamest Windows NT you’ve ever seen, belonging to a bloke called Morrison. With this, Morrison is even able to introduce viruses to alien motherships that are normally only compatible with Mac Powerbooks.
pan
kabbes
Giant mutated cabbage who uses his powers to retaliate against all you can eat salad bars. Has the ability to shoot cole slaw from his hands and super-vegetable strength.
It’s Amp! With the power to project music at any volume! Bad guys everywhere, take heed, or risk being subjected to Britney Spears at 120 decibels!
::flexes his mightly parsnips, whilst causing traffic havoc with his taxi powers::
pan
Manhattan: Proves that one man can be an island. Evil doers beware or you too will become lost in Manhattan!
Chronos: Master of Time and Space!
Ed Zotti: Evil criminal overlord in charge of the infamous “SDMB Nostra”. Working behind the scenes to rule the world. (Reputedly rose to power after capturing the omniscient space alien Cecil Adams)
TubaDiva: Brings villians to their knees with her tuba playing powers!
JillGat: A girl? A gun? Which is she? No one knows.
The very mention of Coldfire’s name strikes fear into the heart of evildoers. No one who has suffered his wrath remains sane enough to talk of his powers, but rumors abound that they are connected to the mysterious temple of Syrinx.
What do you get when you cross a biting wit and Russian nobility? Czarcazm, who renders his opponents defenseless with his caustic speech, and calls upon the Red Guard to annihilate them!
UncleBeer is a superhero’s superhero. He doesn’t actually have any superpowers; he just provides guidance and beer.
Arnold Winkelried, John Corrado, and Lynn Bodoni are collectively The Bravest People On Earth. Though they have no superpowers, they fight crime on a nightly basis, and don’t even feel the need to hide their true identities. They are aided by the (relatively) mysterious duo of David B and C K Dexter Haven.
Assuming I haven’t forgotten all the Latin I once knew, Gaudere brings down her opponents with infectious joy.
Alphagene and TVeblen both have unknown powers at the time of this post.