I would get a spatula instead.
Or, you can get a penis. I’ve had one for 16 years and am very happy with it.
Yes, another thing, with most vaginas you get two large blobs of fat for your chest called breasts. With a penis, you generally get subcompact model breasts.
Dunno about that - look at Meat Loaf!!! He’s got whopping big breasts!!!
It’s the O rings. We’ve been waiting for that service pack for years!
I’ve owned the vagina/breast combo for almost 35 years now and they’ve been just wonderful for me. While the mood swings are problematic occasionally, it always gives you something to blame the sucky days on.
While I’ve taken a few penises on approval, I was never really sold on them for myself. The vagina has the multiple orgasm option and that really sold me on the whole thing–there’s no going back after you’ve had five or six in a row!
The vagina has the multiple orgasm option and that really sold me on the whole thing–there’s no going back after you’ve had five or six in a row! **
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Yeah - it has its advantages - but with a penis I wouldn’t have to bother with those bloody monthly services!!!
Seems a penis would be much lower maintenance!!
Thanks to everyone for all the tips & advice on genitals. I’m still very confused and having a hard time making a decision.
It’s the options choices that are killing me. I still haven’t gotten a good answer on how useful breasts are – are they just a fit & finish option, or actually useful to own? Lactation seems nice, but there’s a grocery store close to my home, so food manufacturing doesn’t seem all that necessary. Can I lactate beer or wine? Perhaps a mocha now and then?
And scrota are just too odd for words. Can I get Penis without these? Sorry, I just didn’t have the balls to ask the Penis dealer.
I’ve considered ordering both Penis and Vagina and just returning the unused portion, so to speak. But I’m also afraid that if I have both installed someone might tell me to go F oh never mind…
Now I’m a little down on the idea of genitals, once I found out that most of the features take 1-2 decades to start working. Jeez, that is one heck of a break-in period!
Maybe I’ll just buy a piano instead.
Maybe I’ll just buy a piano instead.
Well, you could kill two birds with one stone and get an organ.
This is true. Also regarding the previously mentioned “removable cover”. I had mine removed, and was unable to walk for the next year. Fair Warning.
Hmmm, I see that the Penis industry has been in business for quite some time, which tells me the product has been through many improvements.
BTW, there’s a great custom genital idea in the same article:
There’s an idea – get two! Although I’m not sure why this would be useful. What would you do with two Penises?
Actually, there has been a recall.
Please bring your vagina in for testing immediately at this address:
1234 Myhouse Rd.
Whoseyour PA, 69690
(This recall only affects models dating between 18 and 38 years old, and must be in good working order. Pickup must be made immediately upon completion of test. Will not be held liable for damages.)
(This recall only affects models dating between 18 and 38 years old, and must be in good working order. Pickup must be made immediately upon completion of test. Will not be held liable for damages.) **
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Are you government certified for safety testing - I would advise against anyone accepting an upgrade from some cowboy who
“Will not be held liable for damages.)”
There are enough design problems with this model as it is without allowing some amateur to do a repair thats likely to be a cock-up
Nobody has mentioned that the penis is not guarenteed against * shrinkage *. While temporary, it is embarrassing.
DUDE - May I pleeeeeeeze use this as my new sig line. I am tired of the old one, and this perfect! I’ll be forever grateful.
To the OP, here’s the solution:
NEW! From Chernobyl Industries, the Chernobyl 2000 Hybrid genitalia package!
That’s right! Now you can experience both sides of the coin with this DELUXE Hermaphroditic Genital Unit! Peeing will never be the same - Stand up, Sit down, YOU choose, with Chernobyl’s built in urine manifold technology, you can use whichever option suits your mood.
And let’s talk about sex for a minute! The Chernobyl 2000 brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Go Fuck Yourself!!”
All this, plus our patented Glow-in-the-dark technology. From your friends at Chernobyl Industries. Radiation is your friend.
Breasts have a variety of features (sometimes uncontrollable) which the careful consumer should be aware of before investing. While size is easily upgraded, downgrading seems to present more of a technical difficulty.
The main drawback of breasts vs. testicles is that breasts are obvious even while the user is clothed. Therefore, the user must take care to present them in an appropriate manner. This leads to the need to purchase a variety of peripheral devices (known colloquially as “bras”) which can be quite expensive. While some breast users are satisfied with the all-purpose standard white bra, others become obsessed with the newest developments in this area and may feel the desire to color-coordinate the bra with outer garments.
A sometimes-overlooked feature of the breast is spontaneous nipple erection. Although sometimes appropriate to the situation, it can also cause great embarassment in situations such as staff meetings. There is no known solution for this flaw; the user must simply keep arms crossed until the problem goes away.
NIPPLE ERECTION???
WHAT about guys with their even more obvious erections - should they keep their hands folded in their laps till they go away?
While I wouldn’t generally suggest taking advice from Yoko Ono, here’s her thoughts on the subject:
I don’t know how men can take themselves seriously. If I had this thing handing from my body that went up and down all by itself, I would always be laughing at myself.
Actually, many breast owners have found that a sweater applied to the problem area reduces how noticable the problem is, as well as cuts down on the frequency of those caused by cold weather.
Something to keep in mind - bigger isn’t necessarily better - especially when it comes to breasts. Oh, they look nice and perky right out of the package, but think about carrying them around all the time. Then there’s gravity - if you’re not careful, your beautiful, perky breasts will be swinging around your knees. My point is, don’t be swayed by some fast-talking saleman. Think before you buy.
FOR SALE
1972 Vagina. One lady owner. Pink. Full MOT and Road Tax. vgc.
Call Snatcherton 1234 after 6 and ask for Bob.