Gentlemen of the SDMB - do you use a penis beaker?

There’s a thread on post-sex clean-up that’s been doing the rounds in the UK, best summarised here - possibly greatest thread in Mumsnet history. NSFW

So… leaving aside the likelihood that the Mumsnet OP was trolling, have you or your SO ever used a penis beaker afterwards?

Not gonna click the link at work, but I have no idea at all what it is.

So I’m gonna guess … no,

Okay, the OP of the mumsnet thread stated:

Hope that helps :wink:

Um, no. That’s what sheets are for.

Are the Brits so prissy about bodily fluids that they do this, or is it just this individual?

The thread consensus seems to be just that individual. But we believe US-ians to be more hygiene obsessed, so I thought I’d see what the opinions were here :wink:

Hmm, no. After Madame P. is finished with me I can usually barely exert myself to find the pillow, let alone engage in obsessive hygiene.

Never heard of this. But it started me thinking…how about a micro-bidet for bedside fastidiousness?

I often have a glass of water on the bedstand since I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. The repercussions of confusing this with a penis beaker are too disgusting to consider.

Ok, now that I understand … no.

What…The…Phuck…

No, no penis beaker here.

Ew, imagine waking up in the middle of the night, dieing of thirst and not being clear headed. You see a shimmering beaker of liquid to quench your dry throat. As you start to swallow… you realize…oh god what have you done…

God, no.

This.
And no.

Yes.

In the sense of “that’s my nickname for your mom.”

For hygiene sake, best just to have sex in the shower.

I have no interest in anything called a “penis breaker.”

(Note to self: Do not have a mouthful of water while browsing this thread)

this is what it looks like to wipe off the honeydew with a penis beaker.

not sure I’d want to see that look of terror beside my bed. pass.

Never heard of it. Please don’t anyone assume this is a British thing on the basis of one dubious example.

Do people actually use the word “beaker” for anything outside a lab setting?

(And yes, I include Muppet Labs.)

A beaker? A BEAKER? Unless you have some sort of Bill Nye fantasy roleplay going on, you’re doing it wrong. And then again, even if you have that fantasy, you’re doing it wrong.

Most times after? A towel designated for the purpose, a shower if it was a long session.

Also: you can’t wash up in the bathroom while she is in the bathroom (assumed doing number 1) afterward?