Please, not in the shower. (TMI, long)

[TonyF]

I went to take a shower a few days back. Turned on the water and got ready to hop in, but I noticed the water wasn’t draining; seems the screen in the drain was clogged.

Clogged with cum.

Someone left a nice mucous-y load, apparently not having the foresight to take the screen out first, nor the courtesy to clean it up afterward. I carefully doused the screen in shampoo and medicated face wash, then scrubbed it clean with a toothbrush left in the shower (which is left there to clean the screen when it, indeed, gets clogged).

I should mention that I live in a large house and the rooms are rented out. There are 10 or so males in the house and any one of them could have been the culprit. Annoyed but with a sense of amusement, I printed out and posted the following on the shower door:

@me

To the mystery man who showered before me:

• Please refrain from masturbating in the shower.

• If you must masturbate in the shower, do not ejaculate all over the drain screen.

• If you must masturbate in the shower and ejaculate all over the drain screen, clean up after yourself. Presumably you have reached puberty and are thus old enough to comprehend the idea of cleaning up after yourself.

Please note that it is water insoluble and is, in fact, hydrophobic; it does not rinse away, but instead forms a thick, screen-clogging gel. Presumably you have masturbated before and should be aware of this, although if you are not in the habit cleaning up after yourself—as seems to be the case—then this fact may have escaped your attention in the past. Consider yourself warned.

• A fellow housemate

Oddly enough, I received a rebuttal last night.

@some housemate

Only man-juice clogs screens?

I doubt someone is masturbating for 2 reasons:

1. masturbating in the shower is extremely difficult - ever guy knows this, and it is avoided unless circumstances are extreme (IE you don’t have a room to do it in, which everyone does)
2. the sink drain clogs as well. is someone masturbating in the sink too? gross!
   I posit: some bathroom product as the culprit
   and hair - I wonder who’s got the most hair?

There are a thousand different ways to respond. The misinterpretation, the red herring about the sink, the claim that masturbating in the shower is difficult(?!) - I was tempted to call the person out or at least pick apart his argument, but I let it go in order to address the larger issue. That is, the issue of some guy coming all over the damn screen and leaving it for me.

Valid points, but the screen was undoubtedly clogged with semen and nothing else. Had it been hair, it would have been a simple matter of scooping it out with the one particular toothbrush in the shower which is left there for that purpose. I don’t mind having to do that every once in a while.

No, it was semen; I know because I had to carefully and deliberately clean it off. It was definitely not some sort of hygienic product—unless the wonderful folks at Pantene are now manufacturing a viscous, milky-white, water-insoluble conditioner that looks and acts and smells like cum.

It occurs to me that it may sound as if I am placing blame on the entire 10 or so males in the house, but that is not the case. I am just informing the individual, one guy to another, to respect the shared facilities.

We’ll see how that goes.

[Astroboy14]

Sorry about that. My bad. (as for the difficulty of achieving release in the shower, some of us live for the challenge!)

[Odesio]

How much jizz does it take to clog a drain?

Marc

[HazelNutCoffee]

IS it hard to come in the shower? Why?

[Omegaman]

If I was one of your roommates I’d be wondering how close you had to get to it to smell it. Furthermore I would be wondering how you became such an expert on cum in general. If I was one of your roommates.

[Cat_Fight]

@TonyF

1. masturbating in the shower is extremely difficult - ever guy knows this, and it is avoided unless circumstances are extreme (IE you don’t have a room to do it in, which everyone does)

WTF? I wish you’d asked him to elaborate (though I thought both of your notes were very reasonable and well-worded). Can any male dopers enlighten me?

[eleanorigby]

it doesn’t just go down the drain? Why not? Hell, menstrual clots just slide right down–and defy any guy’s semen to beat uterine lining for viscosity and tenacity.
This is a conversation I never thought I’d have.

[KneadToKnow]

@Cat Fight

WTF? I wish you’d asked him to elaborate (though I thought both of your notes were very reasonable and well-worded). Can any male dopers enlighten me?

There are lots of issues, but the one that finally convinced me as a teen that the shower wasn’t the place for the deed is that water, for all of its other wonderful qualities, is simply not much of a lubricant.

[Swampwolf]

Masturbating in the shower is difficult? Well, then–I must be really talented or something.

[Antinor01]

@KneadToKnow

There are lots of issues, but the one that finally convinced me as a teen that the shower wasn’t the place for the deed is that water, for all of its other wonderful qualities, is simply not much of a lubricant.

Conditioner works just fine. Don’t use soap or shampoo though.

[fisha]

I thought the shower was one of those optimal places for guys.

As a bonus-you can always tell if your water is hard or soft by the friction. Softer water tends to make things glide a little better.

[Santo_Rugger]

Maybe it wasn’t the cum, but all the conditioner he used as lube?

[eleanorigby]

Maybe someone chose that drain to dump their tapioca pudding down? I cannot imagine ejaculate clogging a drain. The mind boggles. How fine a mesh is your drain strainer?

[HazelNutCoffee]

@eleanorigby

Maybe someone chose that drain to dump their tapioca pudding down? I cannot imagine ejaculate clogging a drain. The mind boggles. How fine a mesh is your drain strainer?

Maybe it got all mixed in with hair?

[TonyF]

@eleanorigby

it doesn’t just go down the drain? Why not?

My guess is that water washes away the soluble parts, leaving sticky parts behind.

Also, I think it had some time to dry. Pleasant, yes?

In any case, it’s a fine mesh screen and a tiny drain. It was just too thick to pass through.

@Omegaman

If I was one of your roommates I’d be wondering how close you had to get to it to smell it.

That was a wonderful consequence of getting down and scrubbing the mesh. I had the hot water running–half because I didn’t think to turn off the shower, and half because I wasn’t about to clean it out dry. I guess a bit of steam wafted that unmistakable, slightly-bleachy odor up from the drain and into my nose.

Furthermore I would be wondering how you became such an expert on cum in general. If I was one of your roommates.

I’ve been producing the stuff since age 9. I guess you could call it work experience.

(Though the hydrophobic bit I heard on love line, so you can take that with a grain of salt. Figuratively speaking.)

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

It’s hard to jerk off in the shower? WTF is that guy doing wrong? I guess if you haven’t discovered that conditioner makes a good lubricant it might be difficult. Other than that, beyond the (minor) issue of having a little more difficulty getting off standing rather than prone (or kneeling, I spose), I don’t see what the problem is. Maybe he had a bad experience once with dandruff shampoo and has been frightened to do it ever since.

Not to hijack too badly, but does anyone else prefer kneeling or lying to standing in order to cum?

[PunditLisa]

If your drain gets clogged on seminal fluid, you need a new drain.

Some of the bath soaps (e.g. Ribbons) and shaving cream seem to clog up our drains more than anything.

[eleanorigby]

Fine mesh and small drain I can see–especially if it has dried out. (sort of like dried egg white on plates).
The visuals in my head are something.

[Don_t_Panic]

@fisha

I thought the shower was one of those optimal places for guys.

I find it vastly overrated. The main problem as far as I’m concerned being the very stickiness of the ejaculate, as referenced upthread. When it meets the water, it gets seriously wonky. Jack off in your hand? Now your hand is all sticky. Use a towel or paper tissue? You’re in the shower, dumbass, now your towels and tissues are all wet. Shoot off into space? As we should all know by know, it gets in your drain! Also, I find the water distracting. And bathroom lighting is usually less than romantic. I dunno, as some posters here seem to pull off pulling it off like that, maybe I’m doing it wrong, but it beats me just how it is you’re beating it.

I mean, it doesn’t work the same way as for you girls.

You girls, unlike us, do masturbate in the shower at every opportunity, don’t you?

[KneadToKnow]

@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed

Not to hijack too badly, but does anyone else prefer kneeling or lying to standing in order to cum?

:starts clock until someone claims “all men prefer lying in order to cum”: