“The chalice with the palace holds the brew that is true but the beaker with the penis is the one that will clean us.”
This. A towel under before you even start. And an extra hand towel for drying off on a night stand.
I’m trying really hard, and failing, to think of a word for “container” that rhymes with penis. 
Sticking it into a Muppet is just… Cruel!
…even if he does run around your bathroom shouting,
“Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mee…!”
A part of my childhood innocence has been irretrievably lost because I read this thread.
You couldn’t have worked “phallus” in there?
(And a penis breaker is what cuts off the power to your penis when it’s overloaded.)
Right, then:
“The Chalice with the phallus holds spew that’s from you. The beaker for the penis is the one that will clean us.”
And there’s your happy ending.
Around these parts we don’t have a fancy name for that, it’s just “cold shower”.
Penis beaker? No. Todger tankard.
All this trouble. That dude really can’t extend to the stream of water under the sink faucet? Really…?
oh.
I dunno. Maybe if he stood up on tip-toes…? Still no…?
oh.
Ok, try squirting on a big handful of hand sanitizer & let us know how that works out…