You like me! You really, really like me!
I shave my balls.
God, I don’t want to step in the wasp’s nest again, or come off as condescendin bitch queen, which apparently can happen sometimes, but I don’t want this point to be lost in all the huggles, so…here goes.
Autolycus, it’s true that your TMI is sometimes disturbing. It’s not usually about shaving or farting or whatever. It’s about rape and alcohol-related blackouts and family issues. It can be upsetting to read, and can evoke concern that quickly turns to annoyance when it happens too often and seemingly without self-reflection or forward progress. This is what led me to snark off on you inappropriately in an MPSIMS thread-- I read a thread I never should have opened, on the wrong day, and saw yet another one of your gut-wrenching tell-alls disguised with denial-laden (ladle?) humor. I was worried about you, and aggravated, and the blam, here we are.
I’m not really able to offer your prescriptive advice, because I can’t tell you not to talk about things that are bothering you. Better for you to talk about them than walk around feeling fucked up. I do wish your threads on serious topics were actually serious, so there isn’t this feeling in me that you’re in denial, only want to talk about things as you see fit, and don’t want to face the implications of what you say. Those implications seem really clear to me and apparently to others, but you don’t seem ready to face all of them. This makes me worry for you, and makes me hacked off at you.
This is why people want you to post less, probably, if I can assay a guess. You make people uncomfortable because your posts seem to reveal a pretty messed up guy, who is lonely and wants attention and has screwed up his life. You want to talk about things, but not actually discuss them. It’s frustrating. I’m not trying to piss you off or hurt your feelings by saying this. I honestly have this impression of you, and I think you should know it.
I also think that a lot of people are laughing AT you, at the spectacle you create rather frequently. God, I hate watching that happen. I work in a middle school, and I witness it personally all the time. I get mad at the people who are encouraging the behavior and who are laughing it at, but I also feel some anger at the victim, who is complicit in his own belitting, who thinks the people who are laughing at him are his friend, really like him, think he’s cool, whatever. I want to shake him and say, “Kid, they are not your buddies, they are watching the circus sideshow and laughing. Stop being their dancing monkey boy.” No one wants to hear that, I know. And it’s hurtful to watch.
I don’t know what to tell you, and I can’t really offer advice. I hope you can take this message in the spirit that I’m offering it, which is someone who is really a stranger, a 3rd person observer who is trying to give you some insight. Take it or leave it as you will. I hope someday you can look back on this phase of your life, shake your head ruefully, and laugh without being laughed at.
Fortunately, I am still blissfully unaware of what you have shoved up your butt recently. I would prefer to keep it that way.
Auto, despite Rubystreak’s statement to the contrary, the post I’ve quoted from here offers some absolutely wonderful advice. I suggest you print it out, hang it on your wall and refer to it often. If you take these words to heart, you may very well find things going much better for you, both here and in your personal life.
I just jack off with Nair and hope it has a trickle down effect. Works wonders on my butt crack if I apply it with a spatula.
I used to shave my balls, but it’s such a fucking bitch getting them back in the scrotum when I’m done that I stopped. Do you have any advice?
Use a ladle, dude. All the cool kids are doing it. 
Being a woman you have no idea how much jacking off it takes to fill a ladle.
From what I can tell, you’re not supposed to fill the ladle, it’s supposed to go up your ass.
I’m not suggesting you fill a ladle, dear. I was suggesting you use the ladle instead of a spatula to apply the Nair to your asscrack.
But darling, do use the kitchen implement of your choice. Far be it for me… [/Helen Mirren]
Ah. For a second there I thought you were just being weird and profane.
Well, a properly designed ladle with just the right curve in the handle might do both at once. Providing, of course, that you were familiar with which end to fill and which end…oh nevermind.
I’m a mere 36,252.
I’m only 7725.
But I look 277,725!
Oh, please. You don’t look a day over 164,992.
Why is this not working for me? I have Firefox and when I mouse over my name I get nothin’. And I can’t figure out where you’re looking in the profile. Help, please.
Remember the Straight Dope people looked deep within our souls and assigned us a number based on the order in which we joined.
**Heff ** you are 62156. Clicking on your username will bring you to your user page. Look up at the address bar and the last 5 digits are your user number.
A drunk, who has been booted out of school, is sponging off his parents, and spends his time as an attention whore making literally asinine posts, should not pit others. It is that simple.
Fuck you. It is that simple.
In defense of myself, I was not booted out from school, merely put on leave. I am not sponging; I work a full-time job soon. As for the attention whore part, I guess you got me there :rolleyes:
But yeah, your post is indeed simpler. Kudos to you.