When you pursue a woman who’s been clear about being involved, you reveal something about the nature of your ability to respect boundaries that she won’t forget. Everyone in your company that sees your efforts, (and they DO see!), will make a similar observation.
In the end, whether you get the girl or not, you will reveal somethin telling about who you really are to a lot of people. Do not do so lightly.
Good Luck!
In other words, follow my lead, but in the opposite direction. I am a terrible role model and likely to talk about it here. Be neither.
Hey, are you ever going to come back and explain your pit thread?
I’d respond, but I have no idea what you’re trying to say. (Who’s lead? Opposite to what direction? Who’s a terrible role model? To talk about what? Where is ‘here’? Neither what?)
I’m sure it all makes sense to you, of course.
And maybe it’s just me.
But I got nothing!
Rhymer, it doesn’t appear that English is your primary language and you probably aren’t from North America like most of the people giving you advice. The sort of attention you can safely give someone else’s girlfriend in the US can get you hurt or worse in other countries.
It may be useful to know what country you are from to know what is culturally appropriate there.
I did. Do try to keep up.
No we’re not.
That. Even I think it’s a bad idea.
This is why we can’t have any new friends.
If he was hitting on your girlfriend you wouldn’t be so quick to embrace him now, would you?
He would. That’s the first step to pitching him over the precipice.
In the absence of company policy, the question that should be asked is if she will feel any job security concerns if you express interest (on the office when Erin didn’t want to date Gabe but “had to” because he was her boss). If you still are okay after that evaluation, you can express interest, she can respond, end of story. Especially if she says no, end of story.
I might need to kill him. Nothing personal. It’s just about appearances. Except she’d think it was funny. Roughly ten months pregnant and still working as an x-ray tech, she was giving a kid a ROTC physical. He flexed. Funniest thing she ever saw.
And help an old man out: In current mid-20s society, what does “boyfriend” entail. More than an occasional dinner companion, less than engaged?
Another old man: no fucking idea, but I have daughters who can help
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
“Yet he said how much he looks forward to you two living together.”
“DAD!”
So, maybe that one can’t.
As stated above, if she’s made it clear she has a boyfriend then she’s probably not interested.
Also, I think that a normal, well-adjusted, female (and I believe there is such a thing) will let you know when she’s interested in getting together. Really. It might be somewhat subtle, but she’ll let you know. So, look for obvious signs before proceeding. Ummm “She’s nice to me” is not one.
But, you should ask her out to lunch.
Is she nice to everyone? Some people are, you know. It’s true.
No, you shouldn’t. Don’t be The Creepy Guy, which is what you are trying to be right now. Leave the poor woman alone! If that means you die unloved, alone and pathetic, so be it.
I understand your pain, Rhymer. I, too, am really bad at reading social cues, and have at times thought that a woman was interested in me when she wasn’t. But if she’s let you know that she has a boyfriend, then that means that she isn’t interested. It doesn’t have to be “By the way, I have a boyfriend” (though of course that’s a flashing red neon sign if she says that). Even if she just happens to casually mention “My boyfriend told me a good joke yesterday”, or something of the sort, it still means she’s not interested in you.
Now, it may be that she’s just friendly to everyone she meets. If this is the case, then there’s probably no harm in cultivating a friendship with her. But make sure it’s just a friendship: Don’t say or do anything with her that you wouldn’t with one of your male friends, and you should be OK.
And it is of course possible that, at some point in the future, she’ll break up with her current boyfriend, and might at that time become romantically interested in you. But that should absolutely not be why you cultivate a friendship. Cultivate a friendship because you want to be friends. And if you don’t think you’d want a friendship with her, then you probably don’t want a romantic relationship with her, either.
I posted this in a recent “nice guy” thread. I am a naturally flirty person. I flirt with men, with women, with my uncles, with repairmen and sales people. Its meaningless to me, its how I interact. The response from someone in that thread was “whoa! women do that without it meaning anything!”